Yom Kippur: Raise your Chickens to the Roof!

Time to raise a chicken in the air and wave it like you just don’t care (because you don’t, you heartless asshole).

Gotta love the weird parts of the Judaism. The ones that (maybe?) made sense in 1600 BCE but now make Jews look like crazy pagans. I’m not just talking about ritual circumcision (a blood pact between man and God) or animal slaughter (A method that’s supposed to cause an animal the minimal amount of pain…when murdered…but veal is totally Kosher btw.)

I don’t know why PETA doesn’t run a moral train on Yom Kippur ever year. Because every year Kaparos happens, and if you are religious, a chicken gets swung around your head like a backwoods Appalachian at a moonshine party.

According to Rabbi Alfred Koltach, the practice of kapparot likely began among the Jews of Babylonia. It is mentioned in Jewish writings from the 9th century and was widespread by the 10th century. Though rabbis at the time condemned the practice, Rabbi Moses Isserles approved it and as a result kaparot became a custom in some Jewish communities. //About.com

SO SHUT UP YOU ANIMAL LOVING HIPPIES AND GET BACK TO YOUR VEGAN PASTRIES.

I remember being forced to participate in this animal sacrifice ritual in Jewish day school. It was terrible, but then again I would have murdered 100 chickens if it kept me out of Gemorah class.

My favorite part about this pagan ritual is that women are supposed to use a hen, and men use a rooster, and then you recite “This is my substitute, my vicarious offering, my atonement. The cock or hen shall meet death, but I shall enjoy a long, pleasant life of peace.”

If that isn’t superstition and/or pagan voodoo witchcraft, then I don’t want to fast.

Also, if the chicken dies for our sins, don’t we not need to fast any more? Or is that Jesus? Was Jesus a chicken? Ugh, these pagan-Jewish rituals are confusing!