Woody Allen Will Never Read this Blog Ever

Yep. That’s right.

Uncle Woody doesn’t really use the internet. He doesn’t have an email address. He doesn’t even use the webs to look up adopted Asian daughter porn.

I can make jokes like that at his expense and not feel guilty about Woody finding out because he will never, say, get bored one day and google himself and find this article. Because he DOESN’T USE THE INTERNET.

Perfect.

Using the only technology he needs. Like a boss.

 Mr. Allen does admit to using an iPhone. But only for talking and Huffington Post. Huffington Post is the only app Woody Allen has.

The only question I have now is: why am I writing these if I will never get the love and support I so crave? All I want is Uncle Woody to sit me on his knee and say, “Son, you did good.” And now it will never happen.

Life has no meaning. But Woody always does.