When in doubt blame the ‘hipster lifestyle’

My Mom keeps telling me I need to find a girlfriend. My mom keeps telling me I should drink less and go back to school and get a grad degree. All this time I kept making excuses; I was too busy, I’m trying to be a comedian, etc etc. Turns out I had the right idea, but the wrong execution. I need to blame my excessive drinking and lazier-than-shit attitude on my Hipster Lifestyle.

Via Brooklyn Vegan,

Sophia Anderson — who was in the car when ex-beau Daniel Sajewski drove his parents’ Mercedes into the home of an elderly Long Island woman — was granted “conditionally dismissed” charges in Riverhead court.

Now, she needs to stay out of trouble for six months — a task she can achieve if she avoids the borough of booze and sin, said attorney John LoTurco.

“She’s doing great . . . without the negative influences of Daniel and the allure of Brooklyn,” LoTurco said, adding that Anderson is now living safely with her mom in Connecticut.

“The allure of Brooklyn was her boyfriend’s circle of friends and the hipster lifestyle that was going on at that period of time — the drinking, the drugging,” LoTurco added.

See parents? I can be a drunk driving, spoiled fuck up! It’s totally okay. I’ll just blame it on some Hipsters, then move back into Hipster detox aka living at home somewhere in southern New England (that is a requirement, not a suggestion).

Looking at the picture above, one may correctly argue that these two are just rich preppy kids who were looking to score some molly and knew that the Brooklyn Hipster kids had it. But just think of the children! All these violent video games and drugs and Hipsters will influence them to do terrible, terrible things. I’m sure these two were perfect citizens before the entered Sin City.

I’m just glad they made it out alive. Fucking Hipsters.

//Gothamist