Tis the Season to Feel Blinding Rage and Jealousy

I feel kind of dirty admitting this because she’s so darn quirky and cute, but Zooey Deschanel annoys me so much when she bats her corn-flower blue eyes on the television, I want to rip her face out of the screen and scratch her high cheekbones aggressively.

Y0u stop that right now Zooey Deschanel!

No one can actually be that charming Zooey. NO ONE. I try my darndest to be adorable and well-groomed like you, but even I have un-washed hair and greasy face days where I wear sweat pants and spaghetti sauce-stained XXL t-shirts that I stole from my father’s closet. WHY DON’T YOU, ZOOEY?

Despite my love/hatred for you and your beautifully cut bangs, A Very She & Him Christmas will always be my favorite Christmas album. And damnit, the gender-switched Baby It’s Cold Outside. even with it’s date rape tendencies, is precious.

I won’t even go into how freaking mind-numbingly endearing the below animated video is because no one wants me to throw up on my parents’ keyboard.

Except the dog. Because I imagine that sort of things tastes delicious to her.