The real reason for the anti-internet rally $$$$$$$

The Duckman —  05/21/2012 —  Comments

I dressed up as the internet police for Purim!

The rally in Citi Field on Sunday was sponsored by a rabbinical group, Ichud Hakehillos Letohar Hamachane, that is linked to a software company that sells Internet filtering software to Orthodox Jews. Those in attendance were handed fliers that advertised services like a “kosher GPS App” for iPhone and Android phones, which helps users locate synagogues and kosher restaurants. // NY Times

Now, let’s say you want to use the internet to figure out if it was Maimonides or Rashi who said it’s okay to defend pedophiles and sex offenders. But you’re too afraid you might look up gay porn on the internet (out of curiosity, because we all know being gay is just a fad. No one actually likes penis). Well, do we have a deal for you! If you buy our software that will block off dirty sites such as: Any website with photos of women. And you will also get this signed prayer book free! Yes! Signed by all of your favorite rabbis. That’s a $300 value for just $19.99! And you can also download our iphone jailbreak that will delete all of your apps except for our “kosher GPS App*” (*kosher iphone app is under strict supervision and comes with a side of last month’s cholent).

Now, for the Ultra Orthodox men who go to the strip clubs, do drugs, beat their wife and children, wife swap, molest and rape, it’s totally cool because you don’t do it on the internet!

So, please. When you think about using the internet, just think about Ichud Hakehillos Letohar Hamachane, the right brand in internet censorship.

The Duckman

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  1. grubz says:

    Man, can’t wait for the anti-electricity rally – that shit’s been causing way too many problems.

    1. The Duckman says:

      It all started with the wheel, man. The wheel is what we need to get rid of.