Hipster Jew » youtube

American Hipster is the laziest use of Hipster that the internet has ever seen

Chicky — Tue, 20 Mar 2012 16:03:13 +0000

Someone on the internet one day said: I knows, these ‘Hipsters’ are ‘in’! I reads the papers and they always talk about white people and Hipsters ‘n stuff! What if we take that idea and bring it to Youtube? Shit, kids these days will watch anything you put on youtube.

Then some asshole at Youtube was like: Yeah, I know youth culture! I listen to NPR and travel to SXSW. I chuckle at some of the funny part of Portlandia! I read Gawker! I know what funny is. And Hipster is funny. No matter how inane and trite. Let’s make an entire channel devoted to very very subtly mocking Hipsters!

That is how I can only presume that the American Hipster Youtube Channel was born. First webisodes begin March 26th, but in case you are looking for a sneak preview, here are their 3 shows:

1) American Hipster Presents: The story of a black, hip young male trying to understand his white counterparts, done through art, nightlife, and food. I actually like the idea of documenting trendy places and the people within those places, I just prefer this was on the Vacation Channel or the Food Network. And I wish some total bro was trying to interview Hipsters, because culture clashes are always hilarious. Hipsters interviewing Hipsters? No thanks, NPR.

2) Max Movie Reviews: Nothing is funnier and kookier than when people pretend to be babies! Babies can say terrible things like rape jokes and Japan tsunami jokes and Nazi/Hitler jokes and nobody gets angry because they are sooooooo cute! Oh. This has been done in an E*Trade commercial? BUT HE HAS AN ADORABLE GERMAN ACCENT! Oh, my mistake. This is clever and original!

3) Hipster Grandmas: They claim that “it’s basically TMZ meets The BBC meets Seinfeld’s parents.” Which is supposed to be a good thing. But I love old people and wish that it wasn’t 2 wannabe Hipsters pretending to be grandmothers. I’d rather have an old Jewish couple (like Seinfeld’s parents) just talking about pop culture. Breakfast at Sulimay’s did this for music. It was original, brutally honest, and fucking hilarious.

Keep trying, Youtube. Maybe one day you’ll move past ‘geek’ and become ‘sheek’.

//Still think I’m a terrible asshole whose opinion is worth shit? Read this other review by this other asshole Hipster who also thinks this show stinks of lazy Hipster-plotiation.

SXSW has gone corporate! Even more so than last year! Gasp!

Chicky — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 22:03:25 +0000

Thursday March 15 and Friday March 16th Google is teaming up with Youtube to play some live shows and stream them to your living room.

Did I mention these shows will be part of SXSW?

Does that upset you that two huge corporations are paying for musicians to play SXSW?

What if I told that Gossip, The Ting Tings, Titus Andronicus, Cults, Heartless Bastards, Two Gallants, and the Shins?

As much as I love and support poor, money-pit indie bands, it’s high time we get real here for a minute.

If you want music to exist and thrive, ridiculously large and over-bearing Big Brother corporations are going to have to support music. You know, aka the voice of the people. Democracy. Love, life, beauty, existence.

And the contradiction just made my belt buckle explode it was so confused.

Shit Girls Say

The Duckman — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 16:04:46 +0000

If I had a dollar every time a girl asked me to fix her computer… Listen Listen Listen Listen Listen. There are a few reasons why a video hits over 500,000 views in a night and doesn’t contain Rebecca Black. You have to be funny, truthful, short, and to the point. Shit Girls say is right on the money.

Watch these “Gentlemen” hate on Hipster Culture

Chicky — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 22:00:29 +0000

Bunch of regular American college educated dudes throw down a rant on all Hipsters and everything Hipster culture. Best part is when the black guy tries to call back all the Blipsters into the broader ‘African American culture’, where he is obviously a member and/or the president of blacks.

Also, as far as I’m concerned, every Hipster secretly wants to be either Joseph Stalin, Tom Selleck, or the Pringles Guy. So that dude nailed it. That’s just a fucking fact. It’s the only reason ironic mustaches are still around. Not because the ladies go bananas over mustache rides. Which they do.

If I was more secure with myself I’d ignore what these dudes had to say. But fuck it, from now on my new God shall be GQ. I wont be able to afford the designer clothes they sell, so I’ll just shop at Banana Republic and J-Crew. Equally as expensive as American Apparel, but atleast I’ll “fit in”. I’ll change all my ironic unicorn rainbow tattoos into boring crosses and Irish four-leaf clovers. Then I can have friends and join fantasy football leagues and watch ESPN on a 24/hour loop.

I’ll say it again….skinny jeans are not for the weak hearted

Chicky — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 17:30:14 +0000

Look. I’ve heard all the insults.

“Are those your sister’s jeans?”

“Do you shop at baby gap?”

“Did you pick up dudes in those pants?”

“Have you lost feeling in your legs before?”

So I get this video. It can be hard work putting skinny jeans on when you’re hungover or tired. But if you are falling over and making an ass out of yourself in front of your children, those skinny jeans are too tight. There are limits, people. And it’s not worth losing your street cred in front of a 6 year old.

Hi! The Zooey Dechanel Show wishes you a merry X-Mas!

Chicky — Fri, 24 Dec 2010 20:15:54 +0000

Finally. Someone else in this desolate universe realized the Zooey is meant to be parodied. Sure, some readers claimed I only like her because she is hot to trot. That’s just an incomplete accusation. I also like her because she can’t act her way out of an episode of Sesame Street. Overrated success is always a turn on. (Some would claim she in under-rated. This attitude was made her over-rated. Thank you for doing this.)

Youtube cat videos promote terrorism

Chicky — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 18:40:25 +0000

(click to enlarge)

Now you can argue that these videos are animal abuse. I don’t know or care. I’ll leave it upto Animal Planet to decide that. But no one will argue that I deserve a fucking Congressional Medal of Honor for flagging these stupid videos as promoting terrorism. Every time you watch a cat video a terrorist gets a tumblr account. Your welcome, America.

Heal me Jesus! = Bam! x infinity

Chicky — Tue, 19 Oct 2010 16:59:34 +0000

“Do it Jesus! A. BRAND. NEW. HIP. BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!”

A few random thoughts for this video:

1) Synagogue would be SO much better if I had this guy as my Rabbi
2 Surgery? Surgery? Fuuuuuck that! Who needs medical attention when all your problems can be Bam!ed away!
3) It doesn’t hurt when you have Dr. Chef Emeril Christ on your side
4) Do you think he also talks to his wife that way? “I want a chicken sandwich. Do it honey! MAKE. ME. A. SANDWICH. NOW. BAM!BAM!BAM!BAM!!!!
5) Hey MTV, I know you hate god and America, but give this guy his own reality show. For realz.
6) “Yeah, usually I say bam! like 5 or 6 times when I’m healing old ladies, but I figured I’d see how long the crowd would buy it. So I did it like 24 times. Lol.”
7) I bet the Sham Wow! guy wished he had thought up this genius marketing idea

(Tip from Greg Y)

Beckstein is telling me Jews killed Jesus

Viral Drumming Video

Chicky — Sat, 05 Jun 2010 16:00:43 +0000

I figured before everyone’s mom saw this that I’d show it to the general crowd. And even if you’ve seen it before, it’s still stupid enough to watch a second time.

If he will do this gig, I’m pretty sure he’ll play at my house. I’ll throw in a 6-pack and a couple Hebrew Nationals. I think I saw him do backup for Poison once.

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Video of the Week: Unlucky Bar Mitzvah Boy

Who the Hell Is Justin Bieber?

Alex - Resident Goy Writer — Thu, 20 May 2010 13:30:39 +0000

This either demonstrates just how hip I am, in that I’m too cool to pay attention to what the worthless plebs who make up much of our modern uncultured American society are sticking onto their iPods these days, or just how unhip I am, in that, despite hearing the name about a thousand times a day, I still have no clue who the hell Justin Bieber is.

For a long time, I just assumed, like I always do when some musician I’ve never heard of is popular, that he was on American Idol. I knew he was like a little kid, or something. That much you can figure out. Besides, just the name “Justin” conjures up the image of prepubescence. The Wikipedia link of for the name “Justin” turns up zero elder statesmen or captains of industry, except for the Roman emperors. But other than those guys, the name Justin hasn’t been able to grow facial hair for over a thousand years. In the back of my head, I was imagining a singing baby.

I was proven right when this appeared on the first page of a Google Image search for "singing baby." Also, Ludacris: You're a disgrace.

I would’ve been fine in my Bieber-less bubble, until this article on a new CBS sitcom starring William Shatner (a.k.a. Captain Kirk). In it, Ricky Van Veen, the guy who started CollegeHumor.com, says this:

“If you look at what’s successfully made the transition from online to mainstream — Aziz Ansari, Justin Bieber, the Lonely Island guys to ‘Saturday Night Live’ — it just comes down to talent, like it always has.”

So, now I’m thinking Bieber is a comedian, or related to comedy in some way, seeing as he’s reference in between the guy from Human Giant and the Lonely Island, by the guy who founded CollegeHumor. Plus, apparently he was the subject of FunnyOrDie.com’s April Fools’ Day joke.

A clown, perhaps? Also, I am so mad I had to make this image myself. You let me down, Internet. You let me down in a big way.

So, off to Wikipedia it was, the repository of all human knowledge. If Bieber’s at all important, he’ll have a Wikipedia page. If he’s not, he won’t. Simple as that. He did.

I didn’t read it in full, because the thing was about as long as my arm, although, to be fair, it’s not as long as R2-D2′s wikipedia page, so I guess, if popularity is judged by length of Wikipedia page Justin’s not quite as popular as a supporting character from Star Wars.

In my exciting Bieber-filled day, here’s what I managed to learn while trying to avoid learning anything:

YouTube star. Canadian. Not, as I thought from the last name, Jewish. He’s signed to Island Records, as in, the Island Records that signed Bob Marley. Also, he looks kinda like a dick.

It's not just the backward hat. It's also that he's doing that sideways-peace sign in pretty much every picture taken of him.

I never did listen to his music. You know how sometimes you look at a book’s cover and you say “there’s no way I would ever read a book written by someone whose book was published with this cover on it”? Well, that’s how I feel about Justin Bieber.

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