This video involves a member of What Cheer?, Brigade, a 19-piece brass band from Providence, Rhode-I-Land. This band is full of hipsters/the alt crowd (Providence fucking loves the alt crowd). And like any good self-respecting Hipster male who hates his shitty service job, Joey (their Tuba player) decides to quit his job in fucking style. And so he does. And his boss hates how badly he got punked, which shows what an asshole he probably was.

Way to go, What Cheer? Brigade. You make my hometown, Providence, look more awesome than I ever thought possible.

Seriously, get a room. You’re embarrassing yourself in pubic.

I’ve only been in Rhode Island for 36 hours and I think I got my Rhodyland accent baak. fahkin unbeleebable. I swe-ah. I think am goin’a go down to Cahhdies and get mahself a new sofa / luv seat. Then head ova to Fauwl Rivah cause they got da best Cumbies theah. I might even get some tickets to see da PahSox play. Do they still sell Fenway Franks? Anyways… Naragansette fou life.

I’m back in Rhode Island for a few days, and already I’m hit with something so heinous. Why do I come back here? For the home cooked meals? To see old high school friends? To visit my folks? No. I come back here to see all the stupid guidos that run around this state. It builds my crumbling self-esteem. If you ever wondered what type of ‘situation’ Pauly D grew up in, look no further.

I wouldn’t be surprised if that kid was actually just a very serious Brown student. Or it’s just a bro with some Natty Ice, looking for another bro to ‘chill’ with, sans pants. No homo.

And here I was, sitting here, thinking I failed. Cars are not the main hipster mode of transportation, but if you’re going to drive, at least drop the extra few bucks to make sure people know you dont give a damn.

But for some reason, things never change. And RI has been taking up a lot more of interweb news space than it should.

1)

If Jersey Shore/Pauly D has taught America anything, it is that RI is full of Italians who love to swear. Frank Caprio, RI’s Democratic gubernatorial candidate, was unhappy with Obama. The ‘Mighty O’ wouldn’t throw his support behind Caprio (because Caprio is a moderate Italian Dem who is a little afraid of ‘da gays’). Caprio got his panties in a twist and told Obama to ‘shove it’. Then Caprio made allusions to the RI flood last year being nearly as bad as Katrina, and how Obama doesn’t like black Italian people. Whoops.

2)

Every couple years Rhode-I-Landers debate whether the name of the state should be changed. You see, the full name is Rhode Island and the Providence Plantations. Most opponents to change claim that the name has nothing to do with slave plantations, and Providence was slave-free, unlike snobby Newport. Some people argue that plantation has a negative connotation forever, just like ‘state’s rights’ and ‘Confederacy’. Most years The Duckman and Alex the Goy get into a big debate, and each one whines about how ‘fucking stupid’ the other one is. I still don’t give a shit.

3)

Vermont Hipsters like myself can finally rejoice! Narraganset beer, or just ‘ganset for all the cool kids, has made its way to Vermont. This is big news, because ganset was the popular choice of beer in New England in the 60s. But like all good things Rhodeisland, it has made a comeback. And now it is no longer popular, so I can drink it sans-irony. So drink up mofos, because I predict in 5 years this will be the New England PBR. They do come in 16oz cans.

We @ hipster jew don’t actually get to talk much about hipster jews. It’s what some might call ‘ironic’. Which is why it’s a pleasure to tell you that Roz Raskin is a bonified Hipster Jew.

During these tough times, our trust funds can be a little low and us hipster jews need to stick together. Which is why before we even talk about the new EP we are going to tell you that you need to get it. No questions. Just preorder it here.

Whats more hipster than releasing your EP on Vinyl….at a firehouse?

And it only gets better. There will be free rice cakes AND a customized rice cake record player being raffled.

Do you like guitar/drum/keys trios?

A jilf that can belt it to the heavens?

Then shit man, you need to check out Zabudabudee (must be Rhode-I-Landees) by Roz and the Rice Cakes here. Or here. Or here.

Oh yeah, there will also be two other bands playing at the show: KRANG and Symmetry. See you the 11th at Firehouse 13 if you happen to be in the Providence area, you don’t want to miss this superb indie act.

Check out the EP for yourself, but we’re giving it a solid 4 Halls out of 5 Oates.

So this band is from Rhode Island? Doesn’t sound like anything out of Rhode Island…

They’re a bit folk-y. I was hoping for metal-rap.

They sound like The Band

They sound like Dr. Dog

Dr. Dog sounds like The Band

The future of this band rests solely on if Max (drums) has a mustache or not.

I don’t get their transitions. I really like the first song, but it has nothing to do with the second one. Is this a concept cd? Because I hate that shit.

Did Greg (guitar) really get his musical skillz from our mother, his Kindergarten teacher?

I really like the transition from Wakey Wakey to Red Box

I’ve actually put Red Box on every mix CD i’ve made in the past few months. Girls love that.

needs more synth

Someone turn up Al’s keyboard

they should have a place where you can listen for free

Ollie (bass + more) has a strong sexy voice. He shouldn’t go to shows with Laryngitis anymore. Maybe they should bring Ana (female vocal/backup singer) in on more songs.

(my favorite song on their last EP)

I feel like this is the music Panda Bear’s uncle plays.

I think everyone should buy this cd on their website

These guys are great. I love them. Great energy. Great personality. 4 Halls out of 5 Oates. For sure.

If you would like to have your band ripped apart by Hipster Jew please send an email to music@hipsterjew.com

Frank Caprio is running for Governor in little Rhode Island. Probably the only person running. So to fire up the state he brought in Bill Clinton. The one thing Bill Clinton knows how to do is fire up a blue collar Dem crowd. I mean check out the video I uploaded of him talking…

I did have some problems with this rally. I don’t really run on hipster time (which is showing up mad late while being the star of the party). So I got there early. And waited. And waited. Three hours later I fell asleep standing up and tripped and hit an old lady. I wish I just made that up. Do you know what three hours of campaign rally music sounds like? I heard the same Fleetwood Mac (video below), U2, Coldplay, The Verve, and The Who songs played 4 times. Awful.

Bill and Frank come out. Bill was late and we all know it. But hey, being the first black President and the first Hipster Jew President is tough. He’s got to build up the anticipation. Really, I didn’t care what anyone had to say about politics. It didn’t matter to me. I am not registered in this state and won’t vote in the state I am registered in due to ‘Jury Duty’ conflicts. I was there to see one of the only three U.S. Presidents to ever be compared to Jimmy Carter.

But one thing bothered me the entire time. I have about 50 photos and all of them have Frank Caprio just standing a foot behind Clinton in this awkward position. Never moving.

Which bring me to my next point. Doesnt Frank Caprio look like Joaquin Phoenix in Walk the Line?
And Bill Clinton lost some weight. He is starting to look a bit like Larry Bird, right?

Idk. Anyways, Im back in the news again. (at 1:36 my shitty cellphone pops up from the bottom left hand of the screen)

This lady is screaming out my window every morning when I’m trying to get work done. My cuz shot this video two years ago and she is still at it. I wish I was lying. I wish this was a dream. Rhode Island blows. I get a house for a month and what am I going to do? Apply to 1000 places just so that I don’t have to be here any longer (anyone hiring a graphic designer didn’t think so…)

Where are all my people at? I took a one mile walk last night and ran into a raccoon and two skunks. The bars are empty and close at 1am. I’ve been to parties where people just walk away from me while I’m talking. No one calls you back. No one goes out. I’m having more fun going to the bar with my parents then I am going drinking with random ppl in RI. What the fuck?

I’m surrounded by people who post things like this on craigslist. I’m putting Rhode Island up on our list of things that are not cool. Since we don’t actually have a list, I think you’re going to have to remember it yourself.