I mean, clearly, it’s saying that Philadelphia is a shitty city. But anyone can agree to that. I walk the Broad Street of Philthy erryday and I will attest to it’s clear shittiness.  But the nastiness of Philly is why it’s so awesome.  People that deal with the everyday crappiness of 1) potentially getting shot, 2) trash-covered streets, and 3) mediocre public transportation, are the most badass people. WE CAN DEAL WITH ANYTHING.

Homeless guy stuffing stale Doritos down his pants and then throwing them at random passerby?

NOT A PROBLEM.

Overly-friendly stray cat that is wearing an eye-patch, has a severed tail, and is foaming at the mouth?

NOT A BIG DEAL.

Your neighborhood crack dealer getting arrested in your living room?

BUSINESS AS USUAL.

All you posers who “think” you live in a city, like lame Jew York: Pshaww, you don’t know shit. A place isn’t a real city until you feel uncomfortable living there.  Datz da roolz.

Land of the Free, Broseph

This past weekend was the SORTED 3rd Annual Unloveable Valentine’s Winter Formal in Philly. Of course it wasn’t on Valentine’s day because that would make too much sense. And all the couples on the dance floor wouldn’t be able to grind up against you making sure you know you suck for not have a date. Obviously, I had to participate.

The evening started out great and slowly went down hill until there was a giant pile shit at everyone’s feet. But that’s really not what we are discussing right now. Completely different story I am going to use to black mail everyone involved.

The dance floor!

While getting really into the I’m Single Two Step (you want to see it, invite me dancing. It woos all the ladies) a girl comes up to me and asks “Do you want to slow dance?” I didn’t want to stop two stepping, but I also wasn’t going to turn it down. I’m was just getting started.

We start dancing and then realize we were not dancing to a slow song. I just completely stopped and said “What the fuck is this shit? It’s at a medium speed. No one can dance to this.” So we both just stood there bobbing up and down. Making small dance movements. Not really knowing what to do from here.

This lasted about 4 songs. Yeah. 4 songs. She was a pretty cool person, but how the hell does someone slow dance to Oasis – Wonderwall or Led Zeppelin – Stairway to Heaven. Never mind slow dance, how can you dance to them at all? It’s impossible. So, half drunkenly, we made fun of it. Still just bobbing around.

Back and forth we would take jabs about how awkward this was. And how this song sucked. And how my friends would just take photos. And wasn’t this a hipster club? I guess dancing to music that shouldn’t be danced to is ironic?

Anyways. Wicked awkward.

Oasis? Stairway? Sounds like you finally attended the 7th grade dance you never had. I’m sure this dance was as awkward as the non-existent middle school dance. If I could remember any of my awkward dance moments, I would trump this. But I party too hard, so I can’t compete. – Chicky

So says the City of Philadelphia. Blogs that makes a few bucks (like $10 a year) are being asked to pay $300 to the city for having a ‘business’.

Blogz LOLZ

So glad I’m not blogging out of that one horse town cause the world knows none of you click on that one ad we have. Kind of feel bad for our brother in arms over at Big Bowl of Soup though. Rough this one out Pickles and Coffee. We are here for you.

Theyyyy’reeeee Filming!

This LP could be a blessing for those who have a boner for Dr. Dog, as they steadily continue to produce new music. Their sound is unchanged since Toothbrush (and possibly Easy Beat, my favorite albums of theirs) Shame, Shame will be released on April 5th. You know you’re going to pick it up on vinyl.

People like numbers and ratings and shit. So I guess I’ll appease you. I give this 3.75 Pall Mall cigarettes out of 6. It’s nothing revolutionary. It’s nothing new. But you know, it’s a Dr. Dog album.