This month must be Sendak month, because everything that mutherfucker says is gold. Pure, unadulterated angry old man gold. Keep it coming! Why hasn’t NBC turned this man into a mediocre sitcom? The world waits in hushed anticipation.

I’m on the right, obviously, with matching uniform/short shorts.

Hipsters are always looking for new sports to ruin, with our whiteness, gangliness, and general lack of athletic ability. We’ve tried taking 4 square (the childhood game, but also the app). We’ve tried taking kickball back (from elementary children).

But I think, finally, I’ve found a game which nobody is going to complain about Hipsters ‘stealing’. Think about it: Racquetball is already a rich white person sport. You can’t play unless you have a gym membership. (Or sneak into your alma mater because their security blows…which I definitely didn’t do. Yesterday.) Gym memberships are $$$$, especially in Jew York. Poor people play basketball and handball, which is free and ‘urban’. Racquetball can be played anytime, anywhere. And the better you get, the less exercise you have to exert. Technically.

It’s not like old Jewish men are gonna complain when young men with ironic mustaches and vintage short-shorts run around the court, cycling between yelling obscenities and shouting insulting campy phrases from the 20s.

So I say: Start a local racquetball club. Make sure one team is named Gay Human Bones. Have the Handlebar Mustaches play the 1-Ball-Deep-Short-Shorts. Winner gets a keg of homebrew. Ball on.

I need her like 8X older…

We at Hipster Jew love old people . It’s a fact. There are so many old Ashkenazi Jews in the world (Florida, duurrr), you’ve gotta laugh with them, at them, or behind their backs. So when NYMag decided to write a piece on a bunch of old NYC Jews, I had to read it. And I learned a few things:

- You have to laugh like an old horny sarcastic perv if you want to live super old.
- Living for 100 years must be, in a huge way, the most depressing thing in the world. Who the hell wants to be alive and be 1 generation removed from Ben Franklin? While living out your 20s through the roaring 20s must have been pretty frickin’ sweet, your ability to grasp culture, news, technology, aka the entire 21st century society must be pretty miserable.
- You probably haven’t gotten laid in like 15 years minimum, a boner in 10.
- Your family just wants you to croak so they can get your money.

In high school The Duckman worked for this 93 year old Jewish man. They’d listen to jazz records, he’d make sure all his bills got paid on time. Even though most of the mail he received was from charities and Jewish organization trying to suck his old bones dry. I took over for the Duckman, and once had to teach this guy how to use a DVD player. Shit. Easier to teach small children astrophysics. Easier than teaching my mom how to send a digital picture via the internets.

My point is this:

Old Jews are CAHHHRAYYYYYZAAAYYYY!!!!!!!!!

Read the full 8-page article in the NYMag here.

Mitt Romney has been whining about not getting all of the Jews’ cash monies $$$$$$$$$$.

It is widely known that politicians of all circles love “Jew-Money”. But how come Mitt Romney is harvesting from this money tree?

Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney is facing a new challenge: He’s having trouble raising money from some Jewish donors who mistakenly believe one of his opponents, Michele Bachmann, is Jewish.

Some Jewish donors are telling fund-raisers for Romney, a Mormon, that while they like him, they’d rather open their wallets for the “Jewish candidate,” who they don’t realize is actually a Lutheran, The Post has learned.

“It’s a real problem,” one Romney fund-raiser said. “We’re working very hard in the Jewish community because of Obama’s Israel problem. This was surprising.”

This of course should be expected. If old Republicans can believe that Obama is a Nigerian Muslim, it really isn’t a jump at all to believe this. I guess GOP Jews should just feel like the honored Jewish bastard child. They must choose between their Lutheran, mildly insane mother, and their Mormon, douchebag of a father.

It’s times like these Hipster Jews should be happy that we are so rabidly liberul. Yayish Obama!

In other news, the actual Jewish GOP candidate, Fred Karger, is ignored because he is way too honest, open, common-sensed, and is a homosexual.

(More @ NYPOST)

So this old guy wants to dance on the places he and millions of others were tortured. I love the idea. But who the hell are the people with him? They keep screwing him up and can’t dance. We all know old people can dance. We posted so many videos of old people dancing. I secretly think our blog exists just to post old people dancing videos.

I kinda don’t like the “I Will Survive” remix. I mean, I get it. But this would have worked so much better with the Macarena.

Because my 60 year old Jewish mother has decided to like Lady Gaga. And not just ‘Poker Face’. She even likes Alejandro and Telephone. So from this point forward, we are fully behind Gaga. She can get naked in a supermarket, make out with a kitten, or run for mayor of Cincinnati. Regardless, HipsterJew is behind her 110%.

But would she approve her outfits? Gutten-himmel!

Well to be fair, most of them used to work in Jewish Hollywood. Yet these two Jewish grandparents, Barbara and Harry Cooper, have been living in LA for nine frickin’ decades. And recently they are gettin’ sassed up to save their local library. It seems that LA’s mayor Antonio Villaraigosa is cutting some local libraries in the next budget. It must be a blessing for nerds that these elderly people have retired and and are championing this cause.

The Coopers are also known as ‘OG’s, Original Grandparents, although I’d call them original gangstahs too. So you know what, Mr. Mayor? Next time you decide to cut your budget on literacy, you better be careful. The Coopers are in town, and they sure aren’t leaving anytime soon.

Old people rock.

Feed Me Bubbe is better than any cooking show on The Food Network. I defy you to find one that is not only entertaining, but features a charming grandmother. When it comes to Jewish food I’d put my bet on Bubbe over that hotshot, loud-mouthed T.V. personality Emeril any day of the week. In fact, I may just write her a letter right now telling her to apply for Iron Chef. That’s how much faith I have in Bubbe.

As Passover is only a couple weeks away, I suggest you check out some of bubbe’s recipes for Passover breakfast and Passover brownies. No, I don’t know the recipe will work for special brownies, or if they are Kosher for Passover. Just ask Bubbe.

Here’s a video to teach you to make delicious, yummy, Kosher chicken soup. Almost makes you want to buy a ticket home for the seder.

My brother showed me a website the other day that I had heard about but forgotten, since my procrastinating skills are Bush League compared to his. Jews and hipsters of all ages will be in for a treat.

The website has a simple, and genius premise. You take several old Jewish men and women, with their extensive Yiddish skills and mysterious European (or Brooklun) accent that many older Jews have. You unleash them to do what Jews have been doing for centuries(and something I attempt poorly): Telling jokes.

Here is one of many delightful jokes:

I swear, it’s like the 1950s Catskills are a part of my living room. Which is convenient, because I would never want to be surrounded by that many Jews. Or be around in the ’50s.

http://oldjewstellingjokes.com/