Hipster Jew » Old Jews

Old Jews Still Telling Jokes in 2012

Chicky — Wed, 02 May 2012 18:56:59 +0000

Remember when Old Jews told some jokes? Well they’re still alive (mean-spirited pun intended). They’re even an off-Broadway Musical! The one thing I’ve learned about these videos? Old Jewish people love telling borderline dirty jokes. All about penises and sex ‘n stuff.

Old Jew Telling Jokes performing Off-Broadway

Chicky — Wed, 14 Mar 2012 16:14:42 +0000

No longer live at home? Miss the embarrassing jokes your parents tell in front of significant others/friends? The corny ones where you shake your head and mutter about how South Park is so much funnier than they are? Well, soon you can experience that angst on Broadway.

In a telephone interview, Mr. Okrent explained how the concept behind the site became a stage production. Mr. Gethers had the notion of an Off Off Broadway show that was a cabaret act. That idea evolved into its current, and more theatrical, form in which Broadway actors will perform the jokes, complete with costumes. “It is a real set and like all good Jewish operations the furniture will have plastic slipcovers,” Mr. Okrent said. “It’s not standup. We’ve taken jokes and turned them into little playlets.” // NYTimes

So, if you like watching professional actors dress up as old crotchety Jews and tell jokes as said crotchety Jews….this is for you.

It opens May 20th.

Still confused about what the fuck this is? Check out old Jews telling jokes here.

Maurice Sendak is now an angry old man on the Colbert Report

Chicky — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 17:08:56 +0000

The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive

This month must be Sendak month, because everything that mutherfucker says is gold. Pure, unadulterated angry old man gold. Keep it coming! Why hasn’t NBC turned this man into a mediocre sitcom? The world waits in hushed anticipation.

Racquetball is now a sport for Hipsters and old Jewish men

Chicky — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 20:07:41 +0000

I’m on the right, obviously, with matching uniform/short shorts.

Hipsters are always looking for new sports to ruin, with our whiteness, gangliness, and general lack of athletic ability. We’ve tried taking 4 square (the childhood game, but also the app). We’ve tried taking kickball back (from elementary children).

But I think, finally, I’ve found a game which nobody is going to complain about Hipsters ‘stealing’. Think about it: Racquetball is already a rich white person sport. You can’t play unless you have a gym membership. (Or sneak into your alma mater because their security blows…which I definitely didn’t do. Yesterday.) Gym memberships are $$$$, especially in Jew York. Poor people play basketball and handball, which is free and ‘urban’. Racquetball can be played anytime, anywhere. And the better you get, the less exercise you have to exert. Technically.

It’s not like old Jewish men are gonna complain when young men with ironic mustaches and vintage short-shorts run around the court, cycling between yelling obscenities and shouting insulting campy phrases from the 20s.

So I say: Start a local racquetball club. Make sure one team is named Gay Human Bones. Have the Handlebar Mustaches play the 1-Ball-Deep-Short-Shorts. Winner gets a keg of homebrew. Ball on.

NY Mag talks about what it knows best: Uber Crazy Old Jews

Chicky — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 17:00:07 +0000

I need her like 8X older…

We at Hipster Jew love old people . It’s a fact. There are so many old Ashkenazi Jews in the world (Florida, duurrr), you’ve gotta laugh with them, at them, or behind their backs. So when NYMag decided to write a piece on a bunch of old NYC Jews, I had to read it. And I learned a few things:

- You have to laugh like an old horny sarcastic perv if you want to live super old.
- Living for 100 years must be, in a huge way, the most depressing thing in the world. Who the hell wants to be alive and be 1 generation removed from Ben Franklin? While living out your 20s through the roaring 20s must have been pretty frickin’ sweet, your ability to grasp culture, news, technology, aka the entire 21st century society must be pretty miserable.
- You probably haven’t gotten laid in like 15 years minimum, a boner in 10.
- Your family just wants you to croak so they can get your money.

In high school The Duckman worked for this 93 year old Jewish man. They’d listen to jazz records, he’d make sure all his bills got paid on time. Even though most of the mail he received was from charities and Jewish organization trying to suck his old bones dry. I took over for the Duckman, and once had to teach this guy how to use a DVD player. Shit. Easier to teach small children astrophysics. Easier than teaching my mom how to send a digital picture via the internets.

My point is this:

Old Jews are CAHHHRAYYYYYZAAAYYYY!!!!!!!!!

Read the full 8-page article in the NYMag here.

Are Old Jews stupid? Are GOP Jews stupid? Is there a difference?

Chicky — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 16:30:54 +0000

Mitt Romney has been whining about not getting all of the Jews’ cash monies $$$$$$$$$$.

It is widely known that politicians of all circles love “Jew-Money”. But how come Mitt Romney is harvesting from this money tree?

Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney is facing a new challenge: He’s having trouble raising money from some Jewish donors who mistakenly believe one of his opponents, Michele Bachmann, is Jewish.

Some Jewish donors are telling fund-raisers for Romney, a Mormon, that while they like him, they’d rather open their wallets for the “Jewish candidate,” who they don’t realize is actually a Lutheran, The Post has learned.

“It’s a real problem,” one Romney fund-raiser said. “We’re working very hard in the Jewish community because of Obama’s Israel problem. This was surprising.”

This of course should be expected. If old Republicans can believe that Obama is a Nigerian Muslim, it really isn’t a jump at all to believe this. I guess GOP Jews should just feel like the honored Jewish bastard child. They must choose between their Lutheran, mildly insane mother, and their Mormon, douchebag of a father.

It’s times like these Hipster Jews should be happy that we are so rabidly liberul. Yayish Obama!

In other news, the actual Jewish GOP candidate, Fred Karger, is ignored because he is way too honest, open, common-sensed, and is a homosexual.

(More @ NYPOST)

Auschwitz

The Duckman — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 19:22:45 +0000

So this old guy wants to dance on the places he and millions of others were tortured. I love the idea. But who the hell are the people with him? They keep screwing him up and can’t dance. We all know old people can dance. We posted so many videos of old people dancing. I secretly think our blog exists just to post old people dancing videos.

I kinda don’t like the “I Will Survive” remix. I mean, I get it. But this would have worked so much better with the Macarena.

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Cuckoo for Lady Gaga

Chicky — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 13:30:00 +0000

Well as the French say, this is life. We never really cared for Lady Gaga. Her music certainly WAS ironic, but not the point of being a miserable member of the Church of Gaga. But now, things will change.

Because my 60 year old Jewish mother has decided to like Lady Gaga. And not just ‘Poker Face’. She even likes Alejandro and Telephone. So from this point forward, we are fully behind Gaga. She can get naked in a supermarket, make out with a kitten, or run for mayor of Cincinnati. Regardless, HipsterJew is behind her 110%.

But would she approve her outfits? Gutten-himmel!

Sassy Old Jewish Bubbe and Zedei

Chicky — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 13:30:19 +0000

Florida and Arizona, move on over, because there is a new place for old people to retire in America. It’s called Los Angeles.

Well to be fair, most of them used to work in Jewish Hollywood. Yet these two Jewish grandparents, Barbara and Harry Cooper, have been living in LA for nine frickin’ decades. And recently they are gettin’ sassed up to save their local library. It seems that LA’s mayor Antonio Villaraigosa is cutting some local libraries in the next budget. It must be a blessing for nerds that these elderly people have retired and and are championing this cause.

The Coopers are also known as ‘OG’s, Original Grandparents, although I’d call them original gangstahs too. So you know what, Mr. Mayor? Next time you decide to cut your budget on literacy, you better be careful. The Coopers are in town, and they sure aren’t leaving anytime soon.

Old people rock.

Feed Me NOW, Bubbe!

Chicky — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 16:30:00 +0000

An old friend of mine, Avrom Honig, has been making these dainty cooking videos for a few years. The star of the show is his very own Bubbe, which is Yiddish for grandmother. You better remember that, because at the end of the year we are going to test you on all the Yiddish words we have used so far. The prize is the satisfaction of being able to impress your future Jewish in-laws.

Feed Me Bubbe is better than any cooking show on The Food Network. I defy you to find one that is not only entertaining, but features a charming grandmother. When it comes to Jewish food I’d put my bet on Bubbe over that hotshot, loud-mouthed T.V. personality Emeril any day of the week. In fact, I may just write her a letter right now telling her to apply for Iron Chef. That’s how much faith I have in Bubbe.

As Passover is only a couple weeks away, I suggest you check out some of bubbe’s recipes for Passover breakfast and Passover brownies. No, I don’t know the recipe will work for special brownies, or if they are Kosher for Passover. Just ask Bubbe.

Here’s a video to teach you to make delicious, yummy, Kosher chicken soup. Almost makes you want to buy a ticket home for the seder.

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