Archives For nyc

We’ve all been there. Walking down the street, or on your college campus. A Chabad Rabbi is smiling way too charistmatically in front of his ‘Sukkah Mobile’ as he asks if you’re Jewish. You do it, because you have guilt, because you are Jewish. (History should teach us to lie when anyone asks us if we are Jewish.) You make a public spectacle of yourself, you try to move on, and forget that being Jewish can be so embarrassing when it’s thrust upon you like a mountainous burden. It’s tough being Jewish on the strees of NYC.

What I’m trying to say is that this video is perfect. I’m not sure how I feel about it taking away from the original video about women being catcalled, but even as a video on it’s own it is pretty fucking funny.



This may be the final death blow to all music everywhere. One day in the future we will say “Music, what was that? You mean the noises the iRobot Corporation makes for us so that we can pretend we live on Earth and not in our space colony?” That music.

Sure, not all of it was great. There was Nickelback. Some of it was secretly sonically delicious, like T-Swift. But atleast it was OUR music. Atleast there was heart and soul. Now, there’s only Sour Patch Kids. In a house. Tricking all of NYC into selling out.

Bands and touring musicians looking for sweet relief from their touring schedules may soon start dreaming about Sour Patch Kids.

A couple weeks ago, the Mondelez-owned candy brand opened up a house in Brooklyn where touring bands can recover from the rigors of the road. It’s called the Brooklyn Patch, and according to Mondelez marketing director Farrah Bezner, the Patch represents a long-term investment in indie music culture.

At what cost? Do you have to burn all your Pixies albums? Do you have to pledge allegiance to Generic Indie Band of the Month? Nothing in life is free, especially with shitty corporations funded by the terrible dentists. Tell me, Sour Patch ‘Kids’, WHAT ARE YOU GETTING IN RETURN?!?! Blow jobs?

Nevertheless, there is a quid pro quo associated with staying at the Patch. Artists who stay at the house are expected to create some content that Sour Patch Kids can share across a number of digital channels, which include a Brooklyn Patch-branded Tumblr as well as the brand’s Facebook, Twitter and Instagram accounts. Ms. Bezner said it is also exploring the possibility of adding further amplification partners.

Blow jobs.

“We’re a tastemaking agency,” said Alex Kirshbaum, Jesse Kirshbaum’s brother and a partner at NUE Agency. “They trust us.”

Look. Being a musician sucks. The pay is miniscule, if at all, and there’s a ton of hours on the road. But that’s why you have friends, or you meet other bands and crash at each other’s apartments. Don’t sleep at Sour Patch Manor. And definitely don’t trust people who call themselves a ‘tastemaking agency’. Those buzzwords have no place for people who are looking to create expressive, personal art.



The art of Hailing a Cab

Have you ever thought that hailing a cab looked a little weird? Arm out. Hand pointed to the sky. Looks a little like… how you say… a Nazi salute. Well it seems like one NYC cab driver took the hailing (heiling) a bit too seriously.


Some people like to complain about new ‘peer taxi services’ like Uber and Lyft, but at least they aren’t a bunch of Nazis, right? If it makes you feel any better, the taxi driver was suspended for 30 days.


No seriously. Why did he cross the road? The New York Marathon is going on and you can see this guy just zip back and forth like he’s playing a game of frogger. What some people don’t realize is that when you play frogger in real life, people tend to get hurt. derp de derp. Maybe he heard about the legs and thigh sale.

// r/nyc

If you’ve been anywhere near the internet the past few weeks, you would know that Banksy has been hanging out in NYC. Or this is all some elaborate prank and he’s paying a bunch of homeless people to create in his name. Either way, New York has graffiti buzz.


photo via Gothamist

One of Banksy’s recent pieces on the back of a truck ended up being the property of I and A Merchandising, run by an Orthodox Jew named Israel. Since this discovery, Israel has hidden his truck from being defaced. He also has received a many phone calls. Some asking to see the piece, others asking to buy the truck. One person offered 70K for just the back door.

My favorite part of this story has nothing to do with Israel and his truck. It has to do with the comment section of the Vos Iz Neias article on this Banksy piece. You would think that the quote:

The grumpier you are, the more assholes you meet…

would get someone to think before they post a comment about the artist or the value of art. But no. Grumpy assholes don’t care to read into anything other than their own thoughts. Especially in the comment section of a Jewish website… So although I don’t care much about Banksy, I run into moments like this where I see the genius in his work.


Lena Dunham was filmed milking a cow in New York for a Funny or Die video. So do what you do best HJ readers, let’s caption contest this one:

// Cosmopolitan


The food cart business just keeps on getting more and more clever and niche. Just make sure you don’t ask for a ‘Carlos Danger with Hot Sauce’ because I’m pretty sure a guy is going to hand you a hot dog, but instead of a hot dog, it’s a penis.

// gawker

No one goes to the Opera. The opera is for rich assholes and people with European Renaissance fetishes. Sometimes someone genius, or insane, or probably a bit of both, writes an opera injected with pop culture. Specifically, in homage to the Mario Bros.

Jon Mann has created a Mario Bros Rock Opera. To say it looks amazing is an understatement. It should be made – it should be the next Fistful of Quarters of the opera world. It should encourage an entire generation to appreciate the opera as an art form.

We’ve missed it – but maybe this cultural masterpiece will come back to NYC. I mean, if Jeff Mangum can come back, I’m pretty sure anything is possible.



We have been keeping you up to date on the Hipster vs. Hasid bike war for three years now. We’ve taken you through the low moments and the super low moments. At the same time we’ve written over and over again, how the two groups learn from each other and help each other out in other ways. But riding bikes? Oh boy. There’s some problems there.

So you can see why a 52 year old Catholic mom, Miki Bone, from Dallas would be so interested in writing a play about the Hipster v. Hasid bike war called Division Avenue. Mix sexual tension, with funny looking hot people and you got yourself a story!

I will say, that this story is most likely 100% false in historical, social, and economical facts. It’ll most likely leave out a lot of parts of this story involving corruption, and the underlining dislike each group has for the other. That being said, maybe this is a good enough story to check out?? Bone did talk to the expert on bike wars, Baruch Herzfeld, whom probably steered her in the right direction. But without actually seeing the play, I can’t help but wonder…


Division Avenue
June Havoc Theatre
312 W. 36th St
July 17 – August 3
Midtown International Theatre Festival

// Free Williamsburg

Jewish Bikers for Israel

Chicky —  06/04/2013 —  Comments


This is a thing, people. Jews on motorcycles who are in love with Israel. Mark my words, if such a niche can exist, my Jews for Jesus Converted to Jews Game of Thrones Fan Fiction Group is going to be a huge success! Can’t wait for Chai Riders to fight the Hells Angels and all their arthritic bones break to pieces.