Good G-d people. Why has nobody seen fit to mention that the Jews are apparently taking over America?
With the election of Hipster-favorite Eric Garcetti for Los Angeles mayor last week, the trifecta is complete with Bloomberg in NY and Rahm Dahling in Chicago and now we can complete our quest for world domination.
But Garcetti is not only of Jewish heritage, he is also Hispanic-Italian. As this sweet lil article so lovingly puts it, he is a “Jew Dual Citizen Traitor”. He has, like, every swarthy gene available. Swarthiest of the swarthy. He is dripping in swarth. He is also the youngest mayor of LA in over a century. At 42, he is barely out of diapers.
But, don’t be put off by his square, vaguely Don Draper-ish jaw-line and moody beatle brows, he is just as hip as you or I (though I recently began dating someone who drives a brand new pick-up truck, so this may or may not mean that I’m out of the club). [Ed note: No, you're further down the rabbit hole than you ever intended.]
Garcetti wooed the hipster crowd effectively, so effectively, in fact, that he got his own fake Twitter handle. Which is hilarious actually.
So now politicians everywhere are beginning to realize that if they want to win an election, all they have to do is have a fundraiser with an EDM star and a guest appearance by Moby. Done and done. You got my vote. Moby always clinches my vote.
Rahm knows what’s up (And by that I mean the Hipster fuck who fake tweets for him)
Unfortunately, Michael Bloomberg is a stuffy old man whose disdain for social media is widely known and whose fake Twitter merely mocks his inability to speak Spanish. Still hilarious.
So to recap, we, The Jews, have taken control of both coasts and Chicago by using fake Twitters and exploiting hipsters. The End. Well done Us.