Archives For newsweek

“If God had a face, what would it be? Would he wear sandals? Or Toms and pearl-button shirts?
Yeah, Yeah, God is good.
Yeah, Yeah, God is a Hipster.
Yeah, Yeah, Newsweek is bullshit.
What if print news was dead? Would they make a Hipster Jesus? I prefer the Jesus riding a T-Rex.
Calling his loved ones on the phone.
Just trying to make his way home.”

// Hipster Jews for Hipster Jesus anyone?

Turns out, it involves more than having to pay for nose reduction surgery, golf club memberships, pretentiously expensive universities, and the occasional billion-dollar Ponzi scheme.

Newsweek claims that it isn’t easy being ‘Jew’. Even though we control all the international financial institutions in the world, we still have to pay for a lot of religious services. Take synagogue membership fees for example, which average over $1000 a year. Or in Manhattan where it’s $3100 a year (but a beer is like $12 bucks, so it’s fairly consistent).

Include things such as over-priced (and usually bland) Kosher foods, paying for several children at Jewish day schools, and sending your kids to some Jewish-sleep-away-camp for a Wet, Hot, American Summer, and you’re spending more $ than you have.

But Jewsweek is ignoring an important fact: American Jews are socialists, and all the money they are giving is just going into Jewish hands. It’s not like they’re spending thousands of dollars on hoity-toity private schools and summer sailing lessons at the Yachting Club. They’re spending it on zero-diversity Jewish schools, and expensive summer ‘camps’ that are more like miniature retreats.

Look. I’ve been there. I’ve seen the good times and the bad ones too. It isn’t easy being middle class and white. But don’t blame this all on Jews and their devotion to their religious tradition. Do everyone a favor and blame it on the children. Damn little buggers always expect to be fed, clothed, and edjumacated (smart talk for educated) for free!

Maybe it’s about time to lower our expectations for the next generation. Or, just stop reading Newsweek. They haven’t been interesting since the 70s.