Hipster Jew » New York Times

NYTimes Breaks Story on “Running”

Alex - Resident Goy Writer — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 18:30:49 +0000

In what I can only describe as the sheer cutting-edge of newsmaking, the New York Times has a story about a form of movement previously unknown to man as “running.” This new movement, which promises to be at least twice as fast as walking and shares a number of similar muscle movements, only sped up some, could revolutionize how people escape from axe-murders, catch a bus, or move out of the way of quickly-moving objects. To top it off, the Times included a convenient “how-to” guide so that you can practice running from the comfort of your own home (or, if you’re reading the Times on their ridiculously overpriced smart phone subscription plan, on the go)!

Now, obviously, what with six steps to running, this is five steps more complicated than walking, which has only one step (Step 1: walk), which could hurt its chances of becoming our default mode of movement, as Americans are a) fat, and thus produce more drag than other, more starved, human beings, and b) lazy.

Of course, it could all end in tears as I’ve heard rumors of a new form of travel that’s even faster than running and allows you to do it while sitting down and staying indoors…it’s called “driving.”

NYTimes out-pretensioned itself in this article titled ‘Limbo Generation’

Chicky — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 20:48:10 +0000

This NYTimes article start out a bit droll and pedantic, but it turns towards privileged douchery quite quickly, and how this generation of Ivy League graduates are forced to get ‘real people’ jobs:

Likewise, Amy Klein, who graduated from Harvard in 2007 with a degree in English literature, couldn’t find a job in publishing. At one point, she had applied for an editorial-assistant job at Gourmet magazine. Less than two weeks later, Condé Nast shut down that 68- year-old magazine. “So much for that job application,” said Ms. Klein, now 26.

OH NO! She graduated from an Ivy League in a irrelevant and worthless liberal arts field, and couldn’t find a job as a publisher? Her life must be tough, having friends who are at the upper crust of society.

One night she bumped into a friend, who asked her to join a punk rock band, Titus Andronicus, as a guitarist. Once, that might have been considered professional suicide. But weighed against a dreary day job, music suddenly held considerable appeal. So last spring, she sublet her room in the Fort Greene section of Brooklyn and toured the country in an old Chevy minivan.

Whoops nevermind! I though the NYtimes was interviewing a real person, not a semi-famous indie musician who tours the country with Titus Andronicus. But damnit, she’s got it sooooo rough! I’m sure most 26 year old liberal arts degree majors would be hard pressed to live out every person’s fantasy of being a famous musician.

Meet the members of what might be called Generation Limbo: highly educated 20-somethings, whose careers are stuck in neutral, coping with dead-end jobs and listless prospects.

Damnit. I don’t have anything to say here. Generation Limbo is actually a very appropriate name. Maybe the article wont stay so even-headed…?

“We did everything we were supposed to,” said Stephanie Morales, 23, who graduated from Dartmouth College in 2009 with hopes of working in the arts. Instead she ended up waiting tables at a Chart House restaurant in Weehawken, N.J., earning $2.17 an hour plus tips, to pay off her student loans. “What was the point of working so hard for 22 years if there was nothing out there?” said Ms. Morales, who is now a paralegal and plans on attending law school.

Let me try to break this one down. 1) You went to Ivy League and got an arts degree. Boo-hoo. 2) You claim to have worked hard for 22 years! That’s some privileged whiny bullshit. Do you expect everything to be handed to you on a silver platter? MAYBE you have worked hard in the past 6 years. 3) You are a paralegal going to attend law school, so your life can’t be that fucking bad.

Some of Ms. Morales’s classmates have found themselves on welfare. “You don’t expect someone who just spent four years in Ivy League schools to be on food stamps,” said Ms. Morales, who estimates that a half-dozen of her friends are on the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program. A few are even helping younger graduates figure out how to apply. “We are passing on these traditions on how to work in the adult world as working poor,” Ms. Morales said.

…I must not have read that correctly. There must have been some mistake. Is this woman really whining about how unfair it is for 6 whole Ivy League graduates to be on foodstamps? What about the millions of children born and raised on foodstamps, who will never even attend college? Oh wait, I’m being way too sensible.

After all, much of the situation is out of their control, as victims of bad timing. Ms. Klein contrasted her Harvard classmates with the ones of her older sister, who graduated from Harvard seven years earlier. Those graduates, she said, were career-obsessed and, helped along by a strong economy, aggressively pursued high-powered jobs right after graduation.

Oh yeah, the same people who graduated and then helped turn this economy into a shithole? Obviously the aggressive, career-obsessed (i.e. selfish as shit) classmates were also merely victims of ‘bad timing’.

And then there is the slice of graduates effectively underemployed, using a college degree for positions that don’t require one or barely scraping by, working in call centers, bars or art-supply stores.

What a terrible way for middle/upper-middle class people to work for a living. Forcing them to work with poor people and have some vague understanding of how real people survive on piss-poor wages. Are these all the whiny stories about rich people having to do real-people work, NYTimes, or can you trump all of this in one glorious blaze of cultural journalism?

MEANWHILE, modest jobs mean modest lives. Benjamin Shore, 23, graduated from the University of Maryland last year with a business degree and planned to go into consulting. Instead, he moved back into his parents’ house in Cherry Hill, N.J., and spent his days browsing for jobs online.

Ah, Cherry Hill, one of the richest counties in New Jersey. Business degree. “Online job browsing” (aka playing X-box). Story of every Jewish kid’s life. Let’s see how this one plays out.

But when his parents started charging him $500 a month for rent, he moved into a windowless room in a Baltimore row house and took a $12-an-hour job at a Baltimore call center, making calls for a university, encouraging prospects to go back to school. “There’s no point in being diplomatic: it is horrible,” Mr. Shore said.

Yes. Having to live the life of a poor person, going from riches to rags, must be quite horrible. I’m sure there were no other choices. NO. OTHER. CHOICES.

“I have a college education that I feel like I am wasting by being there,” he added. “I am supposed to do something interesting, something with my brain.” For a while, Mr. Shore ran LongevityDrugstore.com, an online drug retailer that he started, but it went nowhere. To stretch his pay check, he made beans and rice at home and drove slowly to save gas. Eventually he quit, got work as a dock hand and is now thinking of becoming a doctor.

Beans and rice? Driving at a reasonable speed to save gasoline? #beyondwhitepeopleproblems

Atleast he has this whole doctor idea to fall back on, right?

Perhaps not surprisingly, volunteering has become a popular outlet for a generation that seeks meaning in its work. Sarah Weinstein, 25, a 2008 graduate of Boston University, manages a bar in Austin because she couldn’t find an advertising job. In her spare time, she volunteers, doing media relations for Austin Pets Alive, an animal rescue shelter.

That’s actually sweet. Glad to hear not every person in my ‘Limbo Generation’ is a selfish, whiney, lazy piece of shit.

For Geo Wyeth, 27, who graduated from Yale in 2007, that means adopting a do-it-yourself approach to his career. After college, he worked at an Apple Store in New York as a salesclerk and trainer, while furthering his music career in an experimental rock band. He has observed, he said, a shift among his peers away from the corporate track and toward a more artistic mentality.

Hipster graduate from Yale makes a good point. If you care to read anything else (the few paragraphs I omitted), read them here.

The Happiest People In America

Alex - Resident Goy Writer — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 16:50:21 +0000

In case you haven’t looked at it yet, the NYTimes has a fairly detailed map of America’s happiness based on data from a recent Gallup poll. Moreover, the Times took it upon themselves to ask Gallup what the happiest person in America might conceivably look like. This is what Gallup said:

he’s a tall, Asian-American, observant Jew who is at least 65 and married, has children, lives in Hawaii, runs his own business and has a household income of more than $120,000 a year.

That might seem like a fairly specific and difficult mix to match, but let’s mix up America’s mixing pot a little bit, and see what we can spoon out of there.

Meet Alvin Wong. He is a 5-foot-10, 69-year-old, Chinese-American, Kosher-observing Jew, who’s married with children and lives in Honolulu. He runs his own health care management business and earns more than $120,000 a year.

Yep, that’s right, Alvin Wong, an observant Asian-American Jew over the age of 65, meets Gallup’s profile for Happiest Man in America. The Times contacted him about being such, and this is the response they got:

He said that perhaps he manages to be the happiest man in America because “my life philosophy is, if you can’t laugh at yourself, life is going to be pretty terrible for you.”He continued: “This is a practical joke, right?”

Now, Gallup doesn’t say why being an observant Jew makes you happy, or why being Asian-American does, or why making $120,000+ does (although I think we can all figure that one out on our own). Gallup also doesn’t mention whether being just one of the above makes you happier than none of the above. Perhaps the mix itself is what leads to happiness. Nonetheless, it’s fascinating to think that one might achieve happiness by simply trying to live your life as the happiest people do.

Now, obviously, I can’t become Asian-American, or magically make over $120,000 a year. But I am thinking of converting. Well, considering it. As long as they don’t want to circumcise me.

College grads are increasingly screwed

Chicky — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 01:45:41 +0000

The NYTimes reported this week that the recession is forcing people to do ‘good’ and take jobs they find undesirable. Like working for THE MAN, or sacrificing a year of their life for the soon-to-be-destroyed Americorps. The NYTimes gives us the real scoop:

If Alison Sadock had finished college before the financial crisis, she probably would have done something corporate. Maybe a job in retail, or finance, or brand management at a big company — the kind of work her oldest sister, who graduated in the economically effervescent year of 2005, does at PepsiCo.

“You know, a normal job,” Ms. Sadock says. [My own note: probably with a twirl of the hair and a sigh of privileged discontent.]

But she graduated in a deep recession in the spring of 2009 when jobs were scarce. Instead of the merchandising career she had imagined, she landed in public service, working on behalf of America’s sickest children.

I feel bad for Alison Sadock, and I hope you do too. Her dream was to whore herself right out of college to the biggest corporation that would pay her the most money. She just wanted to make a lot of money and say ‘fuck off’ to everyone else in the world. But sometimes the world works in mysterious ways.

The trials of a Jewish American Princess: Told by the NYTimes.

Instead she had to choose: Live with her parents (a la Duckman) in snobby lameville Greenwich Connecticut, or give into the socialist government, allowing them to use her government-subsidized college education to further their socialist goals. Seriously. The government has been trying to get smart people to work for them since Benjamin Franklin.

So she gave in and got a job and now is less of a spoiled bitch. That’s the entire story (hint hint Duckman our family wants you to quit mooching).

NYTimes

Brian Williams makes NYT eat shit

The Duckman — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 23:00:56 +0000

So articulate. So smooth. So trendy. Brian Williams, being the self hating hipster he is, catches the New York Times for being the hipster mother fuckers that they are. When the NYT said “Hipsters are dead” what they actually meant was that they, being hipsters, were dead. There is nothing more on the brink of death than letters on a paper. If NYT really wanted to be trendy, they would start their own trendy music site and interview relevant bands like Deer Tick.

Brian Williams-1 New York Times-0

Larry David makes a Funny in the Jew York Times

Chicky — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 23:30:36 +0000

Is it just me or is the Jew York Times becoming increasingly Jewish and sarcastic? Look at this OPed from famed Jew Larry David getting all political. I bet he wrote it to brag to Woody Allen and Jerry Seinfeld. Those three always seem to be trying to one up eachother. Kooky old Jews.

THERE is a God! It passed! The Bush tax cuts have been extended two years for the upper bracketeers, of which I am a proud member, thank you very much. I’m the last person in the world I’d want to be beside, but I am beside myself! This is a life changer, I tell you. A life changer!

To begin with, I was planning a trip to Cabo with my kids for Christmas vacation. We were going to fly coach, but now with the money I’m saving in taxes, I’m going to splurge and bump myself up to first class. First class! Somebody told me they serve warm nuts up there, and call you “mister.” I might not get off the plane!

Lolz. Everyone knows comedic Jews living in Jew York City are full-fledged Democrats. Now go back to writing those witty, angry episodes of Curb, Larry. That’s where your talents are used best.

I’ve said it once and all say it again. It’s all about the dollah bills $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Old Jewish Men + $$$ = LOLZ

NYTimes decides ‘hipster’ was so 2009

Chicky — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 22:12:03 +0000

In another sign that this blog may be shut down in mere days, if not minutes, the Jew York Times has added to Dov Charney’s ‘hipster is dead’ mantra.

The New York Times’ word-nazi Phil Corbett has declared that ‘hipster’ is an inappropriate slang word. Since NYTimes is all about speaking correct English and shit blah blah blah, this word will no longer be used.

“Our latest infatuation with “hipster” seems to go back several years, perhaps coinciding in part with the flourishing of more colloquial (and hipper) blogs on our Web site. In 1990 we used the word just 19 times. That number rose gradually to about 100 by 2000, then exploded to 250 or so uses a year from 2005 on.”

Thanks, Phil. How am I supposed to relate to a micro-cultural group if the word can no longer be espoused in my favorite liberal newspaper? If I continue to call myself a hipster, can I shop at ‘hipster-is-dead’ American Apparel? You’re my cultural guru Phil, give me an answer!

“In any case, hipster’s second life as hip slang seems to have lost its freshness. And with so many appearances, I’m not sure how precise a meaning it conveys. It may still be useful occasionally, but let’s look for alternatives and try to give it some rest.”

doood. That’s word for word what I told these random bros who tried to call me a ‘hipster’. And this totally means I can buy those awesome extra long see-through man tees from Am Appy. But it is EASIER to just give myself a simple label….

First they took away the word “tweet“, and now “hipster” has been removed from NYTimes jargon. What’s next, “Lolz”, “n00b”, or “Israel”? When will the English-nazis stop this madness?!?!?!

Is calling myself an "Asshole" an appropriate synonym for you, New York Times?

(Thanks to Greg Y. for the scoop)

On Mel Gibson

Alex - Resident Goy Writer — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 13:20:41 +0000

Frank Rich, (Jewish) “Jew York Times” columnist, of whom Mel Gibson once said to The New Yorker “I want to kill him…I want his intestines on a stick…I want to kill his dog” has an op-ed (largely jeering) this week on Mel’s six-year collapse since the release of The Passion of the Christ. It was Rich’s comments about that very film that elicited Gibson’s threats of canine violence, so one can only imagine what this latest bit of Gibson-baiting will bring on him. Probably a threat against his cat. You might know Mel, that old action-star dinosaur of yesteryear, has come back into public focus since he followed up on his latest starring role in a movie (Edge of Darkness) by insulting his Russian singer girlfriend, with numerous epithets, including put downs of women, blacks, and Latinos, at one point suggesting that the provocative way she dressed would get her “gang-raped” by a bunch of a word I refuse to repeat, but starts with “n” and cost Kramer from Seinfeld all of the good will he had remaining from that show.

Do not heckle this man if you are black.

Over at trueslant.com, meanwhile, contributor Ethan Epstein (who, based on his profile picture, is clearly part of the hipster demographic) argued for Sympathy for Mel Gibson and decried the “elite media” for attacking Mel, not just now but six years ago. Epstein also to time to psychologically dissect the tapes to provide evidence that they demonstrate a man truly in pain over his relationship, which the cruel vicious media is now exploiting over a few, admittedly indefensible, vulgarities. Epstein actually opens the article by favorably comparing Gibson to Jesus. For let us not forget the time when Jesus was recorded saying Mary Magadelene dressed like a slut and suggesting that she would be gangraped by racial minorities for it, and the Pharisees totally blew it way of proportion. Ironically, Epstein also says of other columnists’ comments on Mel’s tirade that they have been “have been comically, preposterously bad.” Of course, by his own admission, Epstein has never actually watched Passion of the Christ so he can’t be sure if the elite media’s summary of the “fine actor’s” movie is accurate (*spoiler alert* It is), but this is beside the point. The question is not whether or not Gibson’s critics have valid reason reasons for attacking him or not, it’s whether or not they’re horrible immoral cretins for attacking at all. Especially you, Frank Rich. You criticized the guy’s movie and he offhandedly remarked that he’d like to kill and disembowel you, as well as your non-existent dog, but you’re the real bad guy here, because Mel is a private person. Just one who frequently shares his personal feelings with the media on a fairly regular basis.

Still, there’s one thing to take heart in about all this. I mentioned three groups earlier that Mel targeted when putting down his girlfriend: women, Latinos, and blacks. There’s one group you’d expect to see there that you didn’t: the Jews. Ever since his drunken traffic stop in 2006 (and arguably since just before Passion came out) Mel’s been frequently associated with anti-Semitism. It looks like all that help from the rabbis paid off.

Mazel tov, Mel!

No related posts.

New York Times Too Cool For “Tweet”

Alex - Resident Goy Writer — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 13:30:13 +0000

According to TechCrunch and The Awl, the New York Times has decided to ditch the word “tweet” when referring to Twitter.

In an internal memo (which you can find in the above link on TechCrunch), New York Times standards editor Phil Corbett declared a fatwa on the use of the colloquial term, facetiously suggesting the word “Chirp” instead. His main arguments rests on the fact that the New York Times does not use “colloquialisms, neologisms, and jargon” and that the word “tweet” is all three. His other big comment is that while maybe Twitter might establish itself as a permanent fixture in the digital realm like e-mail or instant messaging, it’s far more likelier to be a fad. To which I say, bullshit, good sir. Everything on the internet lasts forever. You’d think the New York Times would know that.

Pets.com: Because a bad idea is still a bad idea, even on the internet.

I can’t say I fault Standards Editor Corbett any, either. I mean, after all, the New York Times is our nation’s paper of record, and if they succumb to these momentary trends, then we’d all have to do it. Them’s the rules of news/blogging (those are equivalent terms, right?). I would also like to point out that we here at HipsterJew also don’t refer to Twitter by the boring, passe, “standard” conventions. On this site, we refer to our Twitter as the “Twatter,” highlighting how Twitter is one word away from referencing a certain part of the female anatomy (the vagina). I’m not sure if we use “tweet” though. I think we avoid that by simply not talking about it. Of course, the New York Times couldn’t print “Twatter” in their paper, so they can’t use it on the internet either (because they have an editor in charge of standards, meaning they have standards), but we certainly appreciate that they’re following our lead as best they can.

Michael Chabon Draws Ire of Jewish Readers of the New York Times

Alex - Resident Goy Writer — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 22:00:29 +0000

As we’ve seen from the recent Flotilla brouhaha (although, clearly, “brouhaha” is an inappropriate word for that, but it’s the word I’m using anyway) Israel is one of those particularly divisive topics in world and American politics, and not just among the Jews. Although, clearly, it takes on added significance among them. So, woe betide anyone who should think to offer up a reason for why Israel acted the way it did, and doubly woe betide anyone who should think to parallel it to an overall examination of the Jewish psyche.

Nonetheless, Pulitzer Prize Winning author and Jewish Hipster (although, I’m sure he’s not aware of that), Michael Chabon, did exactly that in the New York Times earlier this week.

Exhibit A: Chabon with some of his "writing aids." Again, this man won a Pulitzer prize.

He wrote what I thought, not being Jewish, was an insightful and well thought-out op-ed that got at that crux of the Jewish identity: uniqueness. He suggests the idea that the Jewish people pride themselves on being “special,” whether that means smarter or more successful or whatever than the general populace, but when they find a non-Jew reflecting this idea back to them, it becomes extremely uncomfortable, for when the Gentiles have usually singled out the Jews as being special, it’s generally been to justify doing the worst things imaginable to them. Now, I’m not going to comment as to whether or not I agreed with everything Mr. Chabon wrote or not, I’m just saying that it provided some food for thought.

Nonetheless, the letters that appeared in the Times (all of which came from Jewish readers, not something I fault, simply something I observe) in response seem to have been overwhelmingly negative. Most of them start with faux-agreement such as “Michael Chabon was right in one respect…” and then taking him down a peg. One Israeli letter writer suggests that the Jewish people are exceptional for their powers of self-analysis, although I’d like to point out that we Americans fill bookstores full of books we’ve written about why we’re the best fucking country ever.

The award for best letter, however, goes to Steven Cohen of New York for this little gem:

I respect the brutal bluntness in Michael Chabon’s essay that some Jews may think they’re smarter than everyone else.

Of course we’re not!

But how can he convince my 82-year-old mother without tearing her heart out?

All I can say is: I hope his mother doesn’t read the NYTimes.