Its finally here! Our top 10 list of musical albums from 2011 that you either love-to-hate or hate-to-love!  And I’m only calling this list that because there is no logic, rhyme, or reason to it.  Also, since it was a shitty year for music in general, we only have 7 entries in our top 10, and some of them are just singles, not whole albums.  Oh, and its like a month late.  Whatever.

7. Nickelback 

So whats wrong with a song that preaches the positive upbeat message  ‘we all win when we stand together’ and has over 40 million ‘tube hits?  One word: Nickelback.  Everyone loves to hate Nickelback – remember that petition to keep them from playing during the halfitme of Detroit’s Thanksgiving day football game? I don’t recall a petition like that ever happening for any other band.  So just spare yourself the 3 minutes of agony and skip this video and go on to the next entry.  (Bonus points if, like me, you didn’t even know that Nickelback released an album this past year.)

6. Kreayshawn/Nicki Minaj:

Its a tie.  They’re both hip-hop’s answer to Lady Gaga.  And since the world is a worse place with just 1 answer to Lady Gaga, let alone with Gaga herself, I’m giving them both the # 6 spot.

5.  Lana Del Rey: 

Watch out Angelina Jolie, there’s a new princess of pout in town!  Also, via web traffic, she’s definitely helping to pay for Hipsterrunoff’s illegitimate kids’ college education.

4. Skrillex

The only thing more difficult than keeping yourself from vomiting while listening to Skrillex’s music is keeping yourself from vomiting while looking at his haircut.

3.  Chuck Mangione – Feels so Good

Yeah, this song came out in 1977, not 2011. I know.  And this song is definitely not a ‘love-to-hate’ or a ‘hate-to-love’ song.  No one could ever hate this song.  I don’t hate this song, you don’t hate this song, Al Qaeda neo-Nazi communists don’t even hate this song.  But this is the official Hipster Jew theme song, and any list just wouldn’t be complete without it.   Any time any of us hear this song, we immediately stand at attention and salute, while tears swell up and moisten our youthful eyes.   I told you there wasn’t any rhyme or reason to this 2011 list.  I need a tissue.

2. Lou Reed and Metallica

Well, as far as bad music goes, this stuff is pretty amazing.  See, y’all had Loutallica wrong – everyone took this project way too seriously. Which is fine, because that’s exactly what the band wanted. Lou and Metallica aren’t known for making silly music, they’re known for making big “fuck-you” statements with their music. And creating this album was definitely one of the best ways to make fresh new ‘fuck-you’ statements to reawaken their careers and web buzz.  Way too much rambling, bad poetry for a metal song? Fuck you.  Repetitive, simple, loud, heavy guitar riffs that distract from the poetry?  Fuck you again.  Lou claiming it’s the best music he’s made since the Velvet Underground days? Hey, fuck you buddy!  An entire album based on some weird, obscure German play that no one will ever read or watch, ever????  Fuck you all to kingdom fucking come!!!!!

But once you stop taking this album seriously and realize that Lou and Metallica are allowed to have fun and be silly and spank each other with freshly-picked daisies and petunias while covering their exposed bosoms with dainty teacups, the album becomes a lot easier to swallow (um, pun intended, or something). Musically, Metallica makes for a heavy, powerful, tight rhythm section. Add on top of that Lou’s weird, so-bad-you-can’t-turn-away poetry, and you get a really unique album.  I’m not saying its good.  I’m definitely not saying that. What I am saying is that, as far as ‘so-bad-its-good’ music goes, this is a very worthwhile listen.

Anyway, what I personally think about this album doesn’t matter.  What matters is that it caused so much hatred and music snobbery the second we were allowed to hear the first power chord or the first verse, that it makes number 2 on our list.  And with that reasoning, we present to you our number one pick – the artist that, in 2011, caused absolutely the most hatred and music snobbery ever in the history of youtube -

1. Rebecca Black

Why Rebecca is our number 1: Due to her single, ‘Friday,’ over 150 million Americans become harsh music critics and hated on a song that is, at best, only slightly different than any other pop song they might have ever listened to on the radio. I’m not kidding. Listen to any piece of shit song that Miley or Bieber farted out this past year, and tell me its really that much different than this RB song.  Of course, you can find subtle differences, but the differences between RB and Miley are miniscule compared to the differences between RB and any current indie acts, like tUnE-yArDs, Real Estate, Girls, or even Arcade Fire. Why? Somehow, someway, Friday awakened some dormant hatred in the cold, bored hearts of Middle America.  People pounced on an opportunity to make the crap they usually listen to seem better by comparison to ‘Friday.’ In short, Rebecca Black turned all of America into elitist hipster music snobs without anyone even realizing it – least of all herself! And she did this with ONE SONG!!

Honorable Mention:   Problem Solverz

Although not technically a band, the cartoon ‘Problem Solverz’ has been panned by critics and amateurs alike. (Created by art collective paperrad, who I believe do make some music in addition to videos, paintings, websites, etc.). I, obviously, love it. But then again, I also enjoy seizure-inducing visuals, blindingly bright colors and hideously ugly characters.

What we’re looking forward to in 2012:

• Miley Cyrus, extremely sad that Rebecca Black was number 1 on the HipserJew top 2011 list and she wasn’t, takes a bong hit from her jewel-encrusted bong to console herself.
• Skrillex announces that his pubic hairstyle perfectly matches his head hairstyle.
• Loutallica writes an all a-capella double-album containing nothing but children’s lullabies.  They claim it’s the new direction of Chill-wave.  Radiohead soon follows.
• Rebecca Black gets her very own FPS video game, called ‘Call of Duty: Rebecca Black Ops.’ You get to play as Rebecca, and have to travel around a virtual world shooting Miley Cyrus zombies that get in the way of your quest to make out with Justin Bieber.  But watch out for those pesky Jonas Brothers!
• Jeff Mangum and Brett Favre become best friends after bonding during a conversation about going out of retirement.  Friendship ends when Jeff calls Brett a ‘doody-head’ and refuses to apologize.
• A factory defect causes an Antares Autotune machine in suburban Idaho to acquire self-awareness.  Becomes a billionaire after successfully winning a copywright lawsuit that grants it full royalties on any song that contains autotune processing on the vocals.  Self-destructs after inexplicably getting knocked-up by Kevin Federline.
• We all learn that Ke$ha is actually a cyborg from the planet XYXZLGY-76.  We also learn that being a cyborg doesn’t stop you from getting certain earth venereal diseases. (yes, that’s plural.)
• Merriam-Webster dictionary officially accepts “basic-bitch” as a word.  It’s defined as “a person, usually a female, who wears Prada, Louis Vuiton, Gucci, and/or Fendi clothes or accessories.”
• Pitchfork starts rating websites, gives itself a 4.7, gives HipsterJew a generous 2.6 after much bribing and sexual favors.

Josh Epstein, (not to be confused with the other 300 Josh Epsteins) 1/2 of Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. is obviously Jewish. (Would this make him ‘Dale Earnhardt Jr.’?)

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. recently filmed a live version of their song Nothing But Our Love while touring in London. This is usually reserved for Music Monday, but fuck stupid names for stupid days of the week. I’m a rebel.

Don’t ask me why he’s rocking that really stupid hair style fad right now where you shave one side of your head below the temple. Bringing back the worst hair style of the 80s.

Read an interview with Josh Epstein at Heeb Magazine.

// SKOA

Okay, that title was misleading. He will never be a Hipster. I’m pretty sure when you are ‘The Man’ you lose all possible Hipster Cred. I know, he hates corporations and shit. But who do you think is funding his entire existence? Corporations. Even ‘idie bands’ know you need corporations to help you make $$$$. And he’s way too fucking old to be a Hipster.

For decades, nothing! The New York Times columnist hunkered down to his 60s and 70s-era classics. But then, the unlikely combination of Montreal-based indie rockers Arcade Fire and the uncharacteristically-wise 2010 Grammy Awards, breathed new life into this Nobel prize-winning economist. ”The Grammys came out. The surprise: this band called Acrade Fire had won best album. For some reason I thought to myself, ‘I wonder what that’s about?’” he said. “I started listening and I thought. ‘Oh my God. There has been good music produced since 1980!’” (Via Atlantic Wire)

Sigh. Every Hipster’s heart is bleeding right now. Bro, THAT album is what got you into indie music? What about Animal Collective? Grizzle Bear? Girl Talk? LCD Soundsystem? Fucking Vampire Weekend? The Black Keys? Mumford and Sons? Bon Iver?

Nope. That would make sense. Instead he listens to Wye Oak and Gruff Rhys.

Don’t even get me started on all those 90s pop songs he doesn’t listen to ironically.

Here is what matters most:

1) Germans laughing about circumcision (what else is new)
2) Germans laughing about Jews having horns (they’ve got better stereotypes now)
3) Jews killing Christ is funny in Germany. Or just religion in general.
4) Notice that Italians, Irish and Jews make fun of eachother, but Germans make fun of no one. Sadness ensues.
5) Orthos are always hilarious. With their hats and side curls and backwards ways and shit.

Does this mean we can all make Holocaust jokes now? I mean if a Jew can make jokes about being Jewish in front of a large German crowd, is Holocaust humor too far off?

The only reasons I’ve briefly considered not downloading music was because of getting sued. Don’t get me wrong, I love supporting small indie bands. But I find it hard to pay for popular musicians, such as The Stones, Kinks, or Beatles.

So I’m not sure the Beatles are the best spokesmen. You want me to stop downloading? Get James Murphy to do a PSA. Maybe the men from Harlem or White Denim. Then I’ll consider being a moral human being.

<Daily Swarm<<

Music makes the world go round. It saddens me to think about what people did before national brands of popular music were established. Because as the movie-soundtrack released to a commercial audience has all but vanished, music has become the soundtrack of our lives, whether we realize it or not.

Take for example the song that you first lost your virginity to. At whatever age it may have
been, many people consider their first time having sex as an important coming-of-age ritual, even more so than a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. For many people, that song is something incredibly special and dear to their hearts. (Mine was Biz Markie’s Just a Friend. The irony.) That song is now forever ingrained as one of the tracks off of the soundtrack of their lives. Some of the most formative and memorable experiences in your life had an unofficial ‘soundtrack’ playing for it. That road trip you took with you high school buddies the summer before college, your song of choice was Arcade Fire. The time you visited your friend’s college, on the bus ride down you listened to some Black Keys. These experiences, if memorable enough, will be incorporated into your life soundtrack.

Click here to continue reading.

I want you to do me a favor. Look at this NPR list. It shows what their audiences’ favorite albums of the year are from 2011. There is a lot of folk. Decemberists take #1 because they make the same album everytime and nobody listening to NPR gives a shit. It’s soft on the ears, with interesting lyrics. Just like me.

1. The Decemberists: The King Is Dead
2. Fleet Foxes: Helplessness Blues
3. Adele: 21
4. Bon Iver: Bon Iver
5. Radiohead: The King of Limbs
6. Iron & Wine: Kiss Each Other Clean
7. Death Cab For Cutie: Codes and Keys
8. My Morning Jacket: Circuital
9. Amos Lee: Mission Bell
10. Bright Eyes: The People’s Key

The rest of the list has a few saving gems, but for the most part it’s as musically interesting…as…well…you’d expect from NPR.

But take a look at the top ten from last year, and you’ll instantly see that last year’s music was dynamic, diverse, and had something for everyone. Not only that, there isn’t a single disappointing album on there.

10 Sleigh Bells: Treats
09 Spoon: Transference
08 Mumford And Sons: Sigh No More
07 Beach House: Teen Dream
06 Vampire Weekend: Contra
05 LCD Soundsystem: This Is Happening
04 Broken Bells: Broken Bells
03 The Black Keys: Brothers
02 The National: High Violet
01 Gorillaz: Plastic Beach

Unless winter of 2011 proves otherwise, as usual last year’s music was SOO much better than this year’s.

Screams: WHITE PEOPLE LOVE IT!!

Look. I’m all for ‘the little guy’. I’m all for snubbing commercial radio. Commercial radio sucks more dick than a low-tier Hollywood employee trying to gain a promotion. But that doesn’t mean college radio is much better.

Sure, college radio used to be cutting edge in the 70s or something (I honestly have no idea, this last sentence just sounded intelligent). But this is the 21st century. If I want to ‘discover’ music, I can find numerous well-written music blogs. If I want to hear new music, I can find numerous podcasts or online radio channels of people playing new stuff, without an excuse-for-passing conversation. Why do I need radio? Who uses radio?

People in cars. People in cars that don’t either have 1) a cd player or 2) a way to play their ipod.

And ipod trumps everything.

So sorry, college radio. But your DJs are pretentious hacks, you devote too much time to this musician called ‘dead airspace’, and you are outdated like my mother’s 2003 digital camera. Also, you play mostly crappy, uber-obscure music.

Get with the program or get out.

Only in a magical place called the lower West Side of Manhattan does something this electrifying happen. Do you think he buys and sells diamonds the same way he inspected the guitar? Either way his Rabbi must be so pleased right now.

The girl with pink  hair in this video is definitely trying too hard. I call shenanigans on her not knowing who the Beatles are, especially since she starts off by saying she hates them. How do you hate them if you don’t know who they are?

So I call bullshit on this pink haired try-hard. We all know that before you got a stupid dye job and moved to New York you used to sit alone in your parent’s basement in Kenosha listening to the White Album.

As for the rest of the video? It comes from a a site called “I hate young people” but might as well be renamed “I hate minorites” since that seems to be literally everyone else in the video besides the pink haired hipster.

I’m such a hipster that, not only do I not care about the Beatles, I don’t care about anyone else not caring about the Beatles. So try that on for size.