I caught some of Black Joe Lewis & The Honeybears and most of Cold War Kids, who were pretty great. I heard a snippet of “Zebra” coming from the stage where Beach House was playing. Flogging Molly was super lame, I personally thought. I loved them when I was rebellious and 15, but they seem corny now. It was very dancey, which I wasn’t feeling and the front-man was being uber-pretentious. Some front-men are crazy charismatic and know exactly what to say to every crowd (example: Wayne Coyne) you could tell this guy was reading from a memorized script.

Speaking of Mr. Coyne, The Flaming Lips was the next show and they were wonderful, of course. Surprisingly they played through the entirety of their 1999 album, The Soft Bulletin, accompanied by dancing characters from The Wizard of Oz. Coyne did his hamster-ball thang and there was the usual confetti and balloons. This was my third time seeing The Lips, and I did not walk away disappointed.

Yeah, he’s in the hamster-ball; So what else is new?

We said “Nay” to Yeasayer and left The Lips early to see Flying Lotus instead, and I’m seriously glad we did, because in his happiness at the enormity of the crowd in the tent, he let fly with some amazing beats that had everyone, even the most stodgiest HipsterJew (me) in the crowd, dancing their ass off.

Straight after FlyLo we ran back over to the hill to hear Modest Mouse. Famous for their shitty live performances, I did not expect much, but they actually delivered a great performance and a mind-numbing, epilepsy-inducing light-show. Unfortunately I was NOT there for the debut of the two new songs, HOWEVER, this article sums up what I later heard was a bomb-ass performance:

The band dipped all over their catalog for the next two hours. A soothing “Gravity Rides Everything” followed, a fantastic rendition of “Dramamine” (complete with all the lyrics) was delivered, two new songs were debuted (“Lampshades on Fire”, “Poison”), and even more recent stranger songs like “King Rat” were played, too. People danced, people sang, yet all were genuinely pleased that, for once, Modest Mouse was fucking killing it. They even played their most mainstream hit, “Float On”, which was more than enough to get the crowd on their feet and rocking out with every ounce of strength. But by far the most epic part of the night was the encore that included “World at Large”, especially as every “Ba ba ba” bounced off the Gorge. Only at Sasquatch kids… -Ted Maider from ConsequenceofSounds.com

The reason why I left Modest Mouse early, you ask? Oh…just Ratatat…NBD. Yes, it was awash in bros and biddies. But it was still Ratatat. And it was still awesome.

Honorable Mentions that I missed but desperately wanted to see but couldn’t due to time constraints include: Givers- from Lafayette, LA- they deserve a listen-
Also, we missed the illustrious and funktastic Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings, Noah and the Whale and The Decembrists. I know I deserve to be taken out and shot.

I had an unutterably mind-numbing and life-changing experience,and I will treasure my Sasquatch! 2011 memories forever, however I am sad to relate that the days of hip-rule at music festivals is at an end. Sasquatch! is not one of the more mainstream music festivals like Bonnaroo/Lollapalooza/Coachella, but it was literally overrun in bros and their respective hoes. I literally did not turn off my snark button all weekend. I even witnessed one biddy giving herself a blow-out near the showers; ‘Nuff said.

However, at the end of the day I would give this festival a 103926374950272 on my awesome-scale. And that’s a lot of awesome.

She probably thought I was taking a picture of the horse.

No alcoholic beverages from outside of the grounds were allowed inside the concert-grounds. So improvisational skills came into play. I’m not sure how I got voted the liquor-mule (it’s probably because I’m Jewish) but I ended up with a zip-lock bag of tequila taped to my inner thigh. Of course the inevitable leakage occurred, causing several on-lookers to wonder why I was going to Sasquatch! with a catheter. Ducking into the “honey-buckets” (port-o-potties) we took turns sucking the tequila from the zip-lock. Plan: fail.

The heat was also felt by those who had snuck into the campgrounds. When you bought the Sasquatch! 4-day ticket, you also bought space on the campgrounds, however everyone in the campgrounds had to have purchased a ticket, making it difficult for our many less-fortunate and ticket-less friends. However, we hit on the marvel idea of just hiding our surplus friends in the backseat covered in camping materials:

Ain’t she purrdy?

So, yes these security measures were annoying and amusing, but they did not detract in any way from the festival. Unfortunately, our group got set-up really late the first night of the festival and had to (not actually unfortunately at all) miss Foo Fighters. We quickly realized that all of the cool kids had foregone Foo Fighters in favor of camping/bonding/drinking/drugging.

PaRty AnImAlZz

My BFFL and I headed out alone for our first day of the festival on the 28th. Having passed a very raucous and cold night, we did not wake up in time for Aloe Blacc, The Head and The Heart, or New Orleans’ own Pepper Rabbit. But our first show of the day more then made up for it. We saw Local Natives on the Mainstage and they truly outdid themselves. I saw them within the last year when Tulane University paid for them to perform at a free concert, and it was clear how far they’ve come in only that short time. They announced that this was the biggest venue that they had ever played, and that does not preclude last year’s Sasquatch! when they played on a smaller stage. The fact that they stepped in for the absent Fleet Foxes did not dampen anyone’s enthusiasm. Their lovely and slightly orchestral harmonies and CSNY-esque sound provided the perfect start to the day. The entire hill in front of the Mainstage was dancing together: probably close to 1000 people having a dance-party on a hill in front of a canyon.

At the end of the set, which was made up completely of songs from Gorilla Manor, the lead singer announced that they would shortly go into the studio to create a second album. Yippee!!

Next up at the Mainstage we saw Wolf Parade. I had never seen them before, only listened to them and I love Sunset Rubdown so I was duly excited to see their show. However the performance was tinged with melancholy as it was revealed at the end of their set that they would be taking an indefinite hiatus. They played tracks from all three albums and finished their short set with the crowd-pleaser “I’ll Believe In Anything”.

My second favorite set of the day belonged to the band, Pink Martini. I didn’t know anyone else under the age of 48 knew this band because this is old-people music at its very best. I only know of them because they produced a french song that struck my 11th grade french teacher as an easy song to learn french phrases from.

I really learned to love the Sasquatch! crowd during their set: this band was nothing like what we had been hearing for the past two-days- it was a cross between Jazz, Latin and Bossa Nova- but only the useless biddies left the stage and the rest of the people just grooved and enjoyed the music, because it really was pretty great. They had a thirteen-piece orchestra. Also the woman that was filling in for the usual singer was SUPER sexy. She was basically just stripping onstage- her nips were hard the ENTIRE time. Across her back she had a huge tattoo with “LOVER” spelled out in Gothic letters. When she turned around and we saw her back, we all lost our shit.

After Pink Martini, we listened to about 15 minutes of Iron and Wine’s AWFUL set and then walked to the much more exciting Matt and Kim crowd. Personally, I can’t stand new Iron and Wine, it’s way too jammy. I prefer the olden Endless Numbered Days and of course Shepperd’s Dog. Kiss Each Other Clean just does not do it for me. But electro-pop dream-team Matt and Kim were outstanding. It was amazing to see the onstage interactions between this obviously happy couple. Their happiness spilled over into the crowd, and we really went wild for them. Kim walked on the hands of the people in the pit and passed out balloons and Matt kept playing snippets of old-school rap that really excited the crowd.

Aren’t they just Preeccious?

That evening we thought about staying for Bassnectar at 11:30 PM, however our ears were being assailed by Conor Oberst’s whining during the Bright Eyes set and then straight after him there came Death Cab. So now that we were thoroughly depressed and somewhere back around age 15, we did not care to linger for Bassnectar, who apparently gave a fantastic show. But one must retain a certain mindset for the kind of bass onslaught that Bassnectar delivers…an ecstatic mindset…if you will, and we were not feeling particularly “ecstatic” after fucking Death Cab.

Those eyes burned into my 16-year old heart- now they just give me mild heartburn

Part I
I have safely returned from the land of what can arguably be called the birthplace of the modern-day Hipster: the Pacific-Northwest. Let me just preface by stating that, right off the bat, I was vastly under-plaided. The temperature in New Orleans is hovering around 100 and the temperature in Olympia, WA, where I began my journey, was 59. I was forced to visit the local Goodwill to reinforce my distinct lack of plaid flannel immediately. Also I invested in a rain-jacket.

You’re probably wondering what brought me to “Twilight”-land, and I am more then happy to oblige, by telling you that I was lucky enough to attend the 10th anniversary of Sasquatch! this year. For those of you who don’t know, Sasquatch! is a music festival that takes place at The Gorge Amphitheater in George, WA. It is widely considered to be one of the most breathtaking venues in the world and offers incredible views of the Columbia River and Columbia Gorge canyon. I actually had a hard time focusing on the music sometimes because I kept getting distracted by all of the beauty.

Jeal?

I tried to look at the long trip to Washington as an adventure instead of a pain in my ass, which was made a lot easier by all of the colorful people I encountered on the way. Several times I had to stop myself from snapping photos of passersby in the LA-X and SEA-TAC airports, respectively. Airports are some of my favorite places to people-watch. I believe that they are the second-best place to people-watch outside of the DMV. I wish I had Jew Tit’s mad photog-skillz, but I don’t so I’ll just titillate you with this one, brief description:

Female, 42, lizard-skinned, blonde, bra-less, platform wedges, skin-tight, chartreuse leopard-print maxi-dress. Smoking an electric cigarette, sitting with her legs crossed Indian-style, cackling, with her partner who was of indeterminate sex. Basically, I want to be her best friend.

Right after this magnificent visage had passed, I boarded the plane and promptly passed out, as per usual. When I woke up, everyone had plane cookies, except for me. I was super-pissed.

I could go on for years. But for yalls sake I shall gallantly skip ahead to the good stuff. I.E., SASQUATCH…in my neeeeext post!!!!

For the Guggenheim’s 50th Anniversary, the Supergroup band Animal Collective has collaborated with artist Danny Perez on a artsy fartsy elitist site-specific performance piece that will transform the museum’s rotunda into a hipster sociological zoo. kinetic, psychedelic environment. Transverse Temporal Gyrus (I assume that is a band name?!?!) will feature original recorded music composed specifically for the event along with blah blah blah pretentious artistic throw up video projections, costumes, and props, rendering the band members and performers into intense, visual abstractions. During the evening, guests are invited to freely explore the space in order to fully immerse themselves in the hell on earth environment created by Animal Collective and Danny Perez.

It's Animal Collective, not Animal Coolective

Guggenheim, What The Fuck? I get that you just turned 50 and now you’re going through a mid life crisis. I get that you want to be hip, cool, and set some new trends. But come on. Marc Chagall would be pissing on his artwork then lighting it on fire because it was in your museum. Guggenheim houses Expressionist, Cubist, and Surrealist works of art. Animal Collective is ‘Experimental’. In no way do they come together (without the help of drugs or a hammer to the head).

Anyone else tired of this shit? Who really wants to go to this? Every 14 year old will be dropping acid before this clusterfuck and then try to rub up against you. Just what I need. A 14 year old dressed up like a Native American who thinks he/she is an owl humping my leg. Fuck that noise.