Do you remember back in the day (and when I say back in the day I mean 2012, ahhhh good times, good times) when we used to do Music Mondays here at HipsterJew? It usually consisted of the Duckman or Chicky finding a new song, and every few weeks or so I would review a new album. It was a semi-regular feature that gave us consistent page views and built up goodwill in our audience (except for that one time I bashed the Strokes. Still, no regrets). And it kept me from feeling guilty about not writing anything, since I felt like a regular contributor.
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. We’ll write about music every once in a while, and it won’t be me posting the article, and it won’t be on Mondays, and it will only be about shitty Jewish parody songs. Or Haim. The #MusicMonday tag goes unused, forgotten, discarded, lonely, weeping to itself in its room with Radiohead’s “Karma Police” on repeat.
We have made such a mistake. Our neglect of #MusicMonday means that it’s been hijacked by Justin Bieber who releases a new shitty song every Monday. I feel like this is somehow my fault. Music Mondays are now tainted. They now belong to a megadouche who has a full sleeve but in my mind’s eye still has the face of a 13 year old with a crooked Beatles hairdo. Taking them back seems like an appropriate way to handle this situation, so I’d just like to take this opportunity to apologize to all of my regular Monday readers (all three of you) and to announce that I’m getting back on the wagon. I pledge to listen to new records, drink until I need to place both hands on a keyboard for stability, and wordvomit my thoughts about said record all over the internet. Then I’ll puke for real, drink more, and try to find the submit button. Finally the editors will weep over my shitty spelling, inconsistent CSS formats, and sporadic updates (THIS IS HOW THE MAGIC HAPPENS).
Music Mondays, I’m coming to the rescue. You’ll never have to worry about that Miami Heat bandwagoning tool misappropriating you ever again. I’m so sorry I left.