Inception was like that, but 1,000 times better. That doesn’t mean it was the greatest movie ever. But if anyone could describe it best, it was my friend Ted who uttered immediately afterward “Fuck you, Christopher Nolan.”

Fuck you, indeed.

Inception had an amazing premise. What if you could enter into people’s dreams, and with some awesome but confusingly simple psychobabble, go in and steal people’s most important ideas and secrets? You could save the world from terrorists! You could take revenge on that hipster girl with the cool all-girl David Bowie cover band that rejected you! Or, you could use it to help one corporation defeat another.

The last one is obviously the most spectacular, non-contrived way of jump-starting an otherwise wonderful plotline. So there’s the gist of the plot for you. Your welcome for the spoiler.

DiCaprio as usual was amazing. And seeing ‘Tommy Solomon’ from Third Rock From the Sun all grown up and using a gun was pretty spectacular. Add in some trippy and artistically beautiful special effects, and you’re in for another signature Hollywood 2 1/2 hour long ecstatic filmfest.

One part that I’m sure many of you will find unnecessarily long was the snow scene. This scene is identical to N64 Goldeneye’s snow level. Including the blocky, late 90s video game graphics. I pretended I was controlling the one totally badass character in the movie, and it helped me get through all the typical shooting and killing.

(I smell a copyright infringement.)

What makes this movie better than most, was its one secret element. This element is similar to the Helen Keller card in Apple to Apples. It’s a guaranteed win. In Inception it was a zero-gravity fight to the death. Need I say more?

As I heard from a friend who saw this movie really, really, high: It’s a great movie, but if you go in under the influence, expect to be literally speechless for an hour after. It’s a mind fuck.

Not being on drugs, I give it 4 out of 5 Lebowskis.

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An Israel organization, Lehava, who’s mission is to ensure that female Jews marry other male Jews, sent a letter to Bar Rafaeli stating their extreme displeasure in her relationship with shaygetz (Yiddish for male shiksa) hottie Leonardo DiCaprio. I’m no doctor but my professional opinion is that these grannies have a sever case of JMS (Jewish Mother Syndrome… (spoiler: future word of the week).

You might be thinking “Fuck off Lehava, let the girl do her shit,” but I will disagree. Bar Rafaeli fell off the Jewish path years ago. She married a guy just so that her hot body would be preserved and she wouldn’t have to join the Israeli army. She didn’t get the memo that the IDF breeds hot chick. Dating Leo, getting photo shoot after photo shoot, this girl was making it to the top.

More recently she has had some low moments. Getting some photos taken with “The Situation” might be worse than the Glenn Beck – Eric Massa interview. One step lower than being paid to have your picture with “The Situation” is paying to have your photo with Santa.

These grannies are jumping in at the right time. The girl is weak. Her career is possibly going down hill. She needs someone to coach her through this. They might not be the right people to do it, but atleast they know when to move in.

via Gawker

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