Twas the Night Jews crashed Neflix, b’fore Oh Thirteen (’13),
Not a person was stirring, not a one Hindi.
The streets were all emptied of cars with some care,
‘Cuz they went home to find St Nicholas there.
The Jews were all nestled all snug by tvs,
Some of them watching the Seinfeld movie with Bees.
And mamma in her shawl, and I in my Jew-cap,
Had just settled our meals to watch some network crap.
When on our Sony HD there arose a clatter,
I sprang from my seat to see what was the matter.
Netflix was frozen, refusing to stream on,
I looked at my Ma and wondered what went wrong.
I reset my router with great precision,
Reset the modem without indecision.
When, what to my wandering eyes should appear,
But my miniature fridge, and 8 micro-craft beers.
With my little old mother, so lively and stewed,
I knew in a moment it must be the Jews.
For on Xmas eve there was little to do,
Except stare at the boob tube and drink classy brews.
Some Magic Hat! Now Shipyard! With Redhook and Rogue!
Long Trail! Dogfish Head! Southern Tier and Smuttynose!
Beer was aplenty; flowed like milk and honey.
But no entertainment?…This wasn’t at all funny.
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So too I, in a drunken lonely rage I flew,
I yelled ‘Who cares for St Nicholas? Fuck the Jews!’
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the news
That Netflix was down but it wasn’t the Jews.
As I drew my head, and was turning around,
I apologized to my mother for the unruly sounds.
Then I jiggled the remote and turned on my Playstation,
I realized that was when I….
Aw fuck it. This post is taking forever.
And let’s be honest- Christmas poems wont’ get better.
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah alright?!?!
Happy Christmas Eve to all. Fuck you. Good-night!