Hipster Jew » Israeli – Palestinian conflict

No BDS for Park Slope Food Co-Op

The Duckman — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 17:54:15 +0000

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In an unfortunate set of events, the Park Slope food co-op could not solve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. This means another 7 years of bad luck for everyone in the Middle East. Damn it.

After months of debate, the food co-op put to a vote whether they should boycott Israeli products. 1005 said no. 653 said yes. Pro-Israel / Pro Hummus members of the co-op cheer. Pro-Palestinian members of the co-op continue to not buy products made in Israel. Me? I’ll probably never go to the Park Slope food co-op.

Tel Aviv Hipsters Don’t Want to be Drafted

Chicky — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 19:30:11 +0000

Look at this lazy Hipster, probably buying rare vinyls at an outdoor market.

People are surprised. People are pissed. Young, secular, hip kids don’t want to fight in a seemingly never-ending war with a hostile population? They’d rather get drunk, listen to rock n’ roll, and have premarital sex? That’s just crayyyyyyy.

The Tel Aviv metropolitan area and Jerusalem have extremely low rates of army enlistment, Ynet reported today. Modi’in-Maccabim-Re’ut was first on the list while Tel Aviv was 52nd and Jerusalem 62nd. Many of Jerusalem’s residents are haredim, which largely accounts for its low ranking. (via Failed Messiah)

Oh yeah, and don’t forget that all those liberal Hipsters are Palestinian sympathizers. Left wing ideologies. Probably a bunch of pussy pacifists who hate Israel and Democracy. They should all just move to New England/NYC where they can forget about God and have wild, intensive orgies.

Caption Contest

Chicky — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 17:00:39 +0000

1001 Dalmations Palestinians

People are angry that OWS occupied Birthright. I wish Birthright was occupied on the reg. (Rant)

Chicky — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 17:00:58 +0000

Some Jews are getting upset because OWS is full of liberals who are upset with the whole ‘Palestinian’ thing, and are putting blame on those who control the power.

Elements that claim to stand with Occupy Wall Street—and that Occupy Wall Street couldn’t disclaim even if it wanted to—are turning the movement toward adopting an anti-Israel cause for its own….the Boston occupation, which marched to the Israeli consulate last Friday in solidarity with the latest flotilla, or of blogs declaring that Oakland, whose occupation was the site of ghastly police repression last month, represents the same cause as Palestine. (Tablet Mag)

Do I support all of these here things? Nope. There is a reason this is called OCCUPY ______ and not WALK ALONG A DAMNED STREET TIL YA FIND DA ISREALIS ______.

And don’t even get me started on the Oakland/Palestine comparison. Many Jewish people have been upset with this terminology, but for the wrong reasons. They should be upset because the people in Oakland had their Constitutional rights ignored, while the people in Palestine were never given any Constitutional rights to begin with. Occupied territories but without a voice. I feel like, just maybe, our founding fathers would turn in the grave and collectively utter “WTF, Moses”. And, let’s be honest, Americans don’t know what ‘sacrifice’ means. We’re too coddled, we expect everything to go our way. We don’t know how to struggle. We don’t know how to fight for our right. To party, yes. But also to fight in justices. We’ll fight until someone may lose an eye, and then we riot and loot electronics from Best Buy.

Yesterday, a “Jewish call to action” was released, to “occupy the occupiers” in the Jewish community, “the powerful institutions that support Israel’s corporate-backed military control of the Palestinian people.” Leaving aside that such a specific stand is against Occupy Wall Street’s “no-demands” mission—which I heard a member of the Demands Group staunchly defend at a panel on the movement last night in New York—who are these powerful institutions? They include “AIPAC, the Jewish Federations, Birthright, the Jewish National Fund, Hillel.” (Hilariously, it doesn’t include those anti-colonialists at J Street.) These groups “actively obstruct human rights for Palestinians”? Hillel? It was necessary to “occupy” a small Birthright event in New York last night? They think the Jewish 99 percent opposes Federation? (Tablet Mag)

Sure, this is one sided. And probably a bit anti-Semitic. But once again we’re talking about power. Who has the power in the Israel/Palestine relationship? Uncle Ben knew that power came with responsibility. And Jews are the Aunt May to the Uncle Bens…..shit, I think you can understand this analogy.

And more importantly, it’s a fair comment to make about Birthright. Birthright hates Palestinians, as far as I can tell. At best they show you some Druze and go ‘okay, you’ve seen some non-Jews in Israel, now go get drunk and screw some American girls and remember how much this feels like your frat parties’.

But really? Don’t these people have anything better to complain about? Can’t we keep OWS out of foreign entanglements? Ron Paul would like that alot, thank you.

If you are going to knock any military-industrial-complex, why not start with the biggest one of all, the one that funds Israel’s own military, the U.S. government? Or do these people assume that more can get done via pressure on Israel than trying to actually access our own fractured government?

Isn’t that what OWS is really about?

Yesterday, a “Jewish call to action” was released, to “occupy the occupiers” in the Jewish community, “the powerful institutions that support Israel’s corporate-backed military control of the Palestinian people.” Leaving aside that such a specific stand is against Occupy Wall Street’s “no-demands” mission—which I heard a member of the Demands Group staunchly defend at a panel on the movement last night in New York—who are these powerful institutions?

Israel is so Screwed They Are Sending George Costanza to Solve the Middle East Crisis?!?!

Chicky — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 15:00:53 +0000

Here is the entire Associated Press article about how dire the Israel-Palestine situation is.

Alexander…was asked by Israeli President Shimon Peres in a meeting on Tuesday for advice on how to solve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

Alexander said, that through comedy and humor, he hopes to help advance the idea of two states for two people.

Peres playfully asked the actor if he could call him “George.” Alexander laughed, and pointing to a crowd of reporters, said: “You can. Not them.”

He met with Peres during a visit to the Holy Land with a delegation from OneVoice, an international grassroots group working with mainstream Israelis and Palestinians to encourage peace.

Fucked. Israel is totally fucked. Sending George Costanza to save The Middle East? That’s all the have left? Israel and Palestine have run out of viable options. They have run out of insane shit-out-of-luck A-Team options. Expect the end of the world.

I’m gonna hide in my basement drinking 40s and cowering in fear from the overgrown house centipedes until this all blows over.

(Via Laughspin)

Gilad Shalit and an Israeli PR Mistake

A-Train — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 20:34:20 +0000

As the resident Israeli HJ writer, it is my obligation to report the wonderful feeling of happiness sweeping Israel in the wake of Gilad Shalit’s return from 5.5 years of brutal captivity. It is a great day, and I hope he returns home swiftly and in good health, both mentally and physically.

Since the world is politics, I do not understand why Israel is not using this moment to talk about its respect for human life. The Israeli government traded over 1,000 prisoners, many of whom are convicted murderers, to gain the freedom of one of its citizens. Why are they not discussing this point at every turn? Can you imagine the US making a similar deal with a group it views as a mortal enemy? They clearly place a value on human life that is above any other nation on earth. It frustrates me that they are not talking about this, it is giving up good PR.

Let Palestine Become a State Already

Chicky — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 18:45:32 +0000

The other week I learned that the last bastion of liberal Jewish hope, the lobbyists called J-Street, came out against unilateral Palestinian statehood. Their wonderful one-sided bullshit logic was that The West Bank should work with Israel to agree on a settlement before they try to become their own state. This is fucking stupid, and has really made me question how principled J-Street truly is.

Here are the reasons why I want Palestine to be a state:

1) If you were a Palestinian living in Palestine, would you want some people you kinda hate to decide whether you have autonomy over your own people? By this, I mean, wouldn’t you also tell America and Israel to fuck off?

2) This Israeli administration is the fucking worst. They aren’t willing to be the bigger man in negotiations, and they continuously look like petty whiny brats. And they let the ultra-religious use them like a European sex slave.

3) I want to see tons of old bigoted Jewish people be very pissed.

4) I want to visit Palestine because they wouldn’t let me on Birthright. It was ‘unsafe’. Fuckers.

5) I want to start a Middle Eastern version of Chromeo, I being Dave-1 of course. I’ll move to Israel to make it happen.

6) I had some Palestinian microbrew when I was in Jerusalem, and I’d kinda like to see their microbrew industry grow. Not just for the irony.

Pita, Pita, Falafel, Pita, Palestinian Statehood, Chips, Pita, Falafel

A-Train — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 20:00:10 +0000

As HJ’s resident Israel correspondent, I feel it is necessary to digress briefly into local political happenings. (If you’re uninterested in this situation, please skip this paragraph.)

On Friday, the UN is set to vote on whether or not to recognize Palestine as an independent State. Israel and the United States are opposed, and the rest of the world is drawing up teams to determine the final vote. One would expect there to be a palpable tension in the air. There is none. People seem relaxed. The story is all over the news media, and people are discussing it, however there is very little of the panic that would likely accompany such an event in the US. More on this story as it develops.

The past week has been somewhat more eventful than the previous few, namely because in addition to riding on public transportation for hours a day, I also went to the beautiful ruins of ancient Caesaria. I wish I lived in ancient times, because Caesaria seemed like my kind of town. In fact, using my superior navigation techniques, honed from my many years of successfully navigating a bayou filled with alligators, rednecks, and other prehistoric monsters, I could easily guide ships across the Mediterranean to Rome.

Bet Jeff Mangum would sound Vinyl-y in there

Later in the day, I went to purchase my third falafel of my Israeli adventure. (Don’t worry, the chickpeas used to make it were free range.) This was by far the most interesting experience of my day, as I was full of ~~beer~~ confidence and decided to test my fledgling Hebrew skills. I approached the large, hairy man behind the counter, cleared my throat, and confidently proclaimed, “PITA FALAFEL!”.

He stared at me like I’d just asked for a skim goat milk latte, and began to shout and gesticulate wildly. The best I could tell he was saying something like, “Pita, pita, falafel, salat, chips, falafel, pita, hummus…”.

Though I was confused, and slightly intimidated, I resisted the urge to curl into a defensive ball to protect my soft innards; rather I did what all self-respecting hipsters would do, and slung my messenger bag over my shoulder, hopped on my fixie and sped away.

Culinary note of the week: Goldstar beer is a suitable substitute for PBR.

West Coast Jews are pissed that Palestinian children draw pictures

Chicky — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 18:30:52 +0000

Obviously, since the Israel-Palestinian issue is very black/white, for us or against us, it only makes sense that everything Palestinian is BAD. Especially when it may be critical of Israeli policy. For example…

“The Museum of Children’s Art was scheduled to display the art from Sept. 24 to Nov. 13. The exhibit had been in the works for several months, with an opening reception to feature poetry and special art activities for children.

The drawings in the exhibit were created by children ranging in age from about 9 to 11 and included bombs dropping, tanks and people getting shot. (SFGate)“

Because obviously children in conflict areas are to blame for their own trauma, and should therefore have their opinions silenced more than is already deemed so. I’m sure this art is affected somewhat by what these children hear adults talking about. But that doesn’t take away from what they are drawing. This same gallery had pictures drawn by Iraqi children, and pictures drawn by European children in WWII. So one COULD assume that there is a political agenda….that agenda being fervently anti-war because it negatively affects children…

On the other hand, this Birthright sponsored gallery by real live adults, most of which weren’t even directly affected by the conflict, found wonderful life in the Alan Douchewitz gallery.

And so, looking more closely at the contents of the panels the artists attended, one discovers that the topics ranged from “The Palestinian Right to Israel,” which claimed to “systematically and methodically [expose] the myths and lies about the Arab right to the land of Israel,” to “Making a Case for Israel,” which promised to teach “how to respond to difficult questions, such as ‘Israel is an Apartheid state’ or ‘Israel commits war crimes.’ (via Arty Semite)”

I always believed that moral people are always willing to question and be critical of everything, and that people who truly believed what they were doing was right would allow Democracy to flourish. Which would mean not getting all prissy when someone puts up children’s pictures from a country and group of people you wish didn’t exist.

Israel CAN do good, especially for the Ramadan holidays

Chicky — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 15:00:17 +0000

I’m sure it is too late to save my soul, and that I’m a bleeding-heart liberal self-hating Jew who also hates Israel and everything having to do with Jews/Israel/Falafel.

If that is the case, so be it. But for once I’ll give the Israeli government some praise. Way to be the bigger man here, champ. It sure seems like it’s been a while.

“Israel Frees Hamas Founder Early In Honor of Ramadan

Israel released from prison one of the founders of Hamas, who had been imprisoned for five years for terrorist activities.” (Jewish Week)

Look. I’m waaaay too American to know or care what happens during Ramadan. But it seems that annual custom says that terrorists should be freed during this holiday. So Israel did a mitzva.