Archives For Israel

This is kind of funny. It’s not hilariously funny, because it’s too full of itself. Ever listen to Bill Maher? His head is so far up his self-righteous ass, it’s impossible to laugh with him. No self-deprecation. Just a political comedian who thinks everything he says is from Socrates’ own pederast mouth.

It’s the same with this BBC video. I totally get the joke they are going for – what if Israel tried to grab land everywhere it had a presence. It’s entertaining, and I like when one of them calls a police officer anti-Semitic. That’s always a good one. Otherwise, it may have been funnier if it was the same premise but using a different country? Like one that nobody would expect to start land-grabbing. Lichenstein. Clearly.

Funny? Not funny? Anti-Semitic?

//Times of Isreal

Woody Allen has recently given a spiel on Israel, and religion, and anti-semitism. I read the lines he was quoted in with his sweet lil neurotic voice, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Woody-Allen-as-Rabbi

Viva Uncle Woody.

I mean like unless he’s a child a rapist and therefore a bad person like the internet believes. But even then…I just can’t quit you Woody Allen.

Something about Bubala Please makes me wish I didn’t live in Vermont. Oh yeah, that whole ‘diversity’ thing. It’s just so refreshing. Anyhow, it seems that the men behind Bubala Please have bought into the Taglit-Birthright Complex in their search for a Jewish girlfriend. Well, there’s lots of African Jews in Israel. So best of luck!

CHUTZPAHINVITE

Dude Where’s my Chutzpah is a brand new web series featuring the hilarious Jessie Kahnweiler. It’ll be premiering at the Downtown Independent Theater in LA on the 19th of May! So if you’re on the left coast, you need to be there. Otherwise, you can sit at your computer and wait for this series to drop.

Still not convinced? You fickle SOBs. Here is a Q&A we had with Jessie about Dude Where’s My Chutzpah and other upcoming projects.

HJ – Hi Jessie!
Jumping right in, where did you get you chutzpa from, and does your mother know about this?

Jessie Kahnweiler For the whole back story I’d really like to play up the story of my bubbe actually passing away and leaving me money. Yeah it’s a lie but it’s not like an evil lie it’s a little white or olive skinned lie…..I want the series to be more of a performance, I’ll relase the episodes in 3 parts and kind of pretend like it’s happening as we speak. So I can get the audience involved.

HJ – Why should I watch your new web series?

JK – This series is for anyone who’s ever need to get lost in order to find themselves. I know major barf cheesy but for serious, before I went on this quest to find my Judaism I was doing just fine, drinking 8 dollar lattee’s and waiting in my Prius for my dream life to start. This journey has shown me that being a Jew means asking questions that have no answers, getting dirty, falling on your ass and jumping up to beg for more. I’m a jewish sephardic girl so i’ve always had chest hair but this journey def made me grow a few more. I always thought Judiasm was like my grandma’s thing but this project has forced me to look at judiasm in a whole new light: it’s radical, and liberal, and spirtual, and even sexy… it’s like those optical illsuion paintings from the Mall… it’s kinda whatever the hell you want it to be.

this-series-is-beyond-kosher

HJ – Wow that’s so cool and or funny! How did you come up with this idea?

JK – Well about 2 years ago my bubbe passed away and she left me a HUGE sum of money but I could only cash in if I could prove to her Rabbi that I could live Jewish for 1 year. Of course I freaked out because, like most Jews my age, the only thing I knew about being Jewish was eating bagels and having thick leg hair. Thus my insane quest to do Judaism MY way AKA “Dude,Where’s my Chutzpah?” was born. Needless to say, it’s been one hell of a ride… We’re all trying to find the best version of ourselves and by giving me this mission my bubbe was trying to help me find my soul potential. It’s been one hell of a ride and I can’t wait to keep going. I’m scared but my bubbe didn’t rasie no pussy.

HJ – Did you ever end up finding yourself?

JK – ??!!?!? Way to send me right back into therapy dude. I think im trying, I’m giving it a shot and trying to listen to my heart and my stomach and live an honest life. The more I make films and deal with shit in an honest way, life just gets better, yeah it just keeps getting better. I mean it can’t get any worse right?

HJ – Can you lend me a few… hundred dollars? No but I can teach you how to sell your first born to fund your movies. 1st step grow some balls and get a vagina.

JK – What type of characters should I be expecting to see? Hmmm it’s all a version of me going through these sceanrios (using Religion, Race, Social Taboo’s etc.) where I get out of myself in order to try and figure out what it means to be me. Do I ever fully get it?…… Yeah right, that makes for a real honest storytelling…… people just sitting around being good at life….:)

HJ – What else have you been working on?!

JK – Right now im prepping (fundraising $$ wink wink) for a sort of sequel to “dude where’s my chutzpah?” called “White Noise” where I explore all the various races/sub cultures in and around LA. There’s such a taboo around the subject of race, we don’t even have the proper language to discuss and explore how it both separates and unites us. I want to have those conversations that are normally reserved for the thoughts inside our heads. How do we identify “the other” and how does the “other” self- identify? Lots of chick and egg dynamics. Being a Jewish chick, it’s an interesting background to come from. A culture that has such a strong history of identifing (and later) siding with “the other” while also reaping the benefits of whiteness. I wanted to take that perspective along with me on my journey. I don’t know what’s going to happen but that’s the point. Deep breath, shaved armpits, good running shoes and I’m off…..

More info for…
White Noise: http://igg.me/at/whitenoise
Chutzpah: www.dudewheresmychutzpah.com
@shegotchutzph

Israeli documentary filmmaker, Ilan Ziv is kvetching about how the BBC dropped his documentary because they be joo haterz… or at least scared of the Middle East. His film, Jerusalem: an Archaeological Mystery Story, questions the number of Jewish exiles from Jerusalem in AD 70. What he’s arguing is that not as many Jews were kicked out as we previously believed and that a lot of the modern day Palestinians are descended from some of these Jews who never actually left.

BBC4  removed his content at the last minute and replaced it with a rerun of a documentary about an Egyptologist. They claimed Ziv’s documentary didn’t fit with the tone of the rest of the season. Or in other words, “Pip, pip cheerio, we’re scared of pissing off angry Muslims, because we assume all Muslims are angry and not forward thinking, intelligent people.”

I like to see how many people I can offend in one sentence.

Though the film didn’t really stir up any controversy when screened, Ilan is convinced the BBC dropped his film because they were concerned about offending the delicate balance of power and rage that is the Middle East. He also accused the BBC of trying to hide the subject matter of the documentary by changing its title. Those Brit punks, even went as far as to attempt to remove Ziv’s name from the program and to present it as an “adaptation” of his work.

Ilan Ziv

I personally feel like Ilan Ziv is pretty scary. And I wouldn’t want to fuck with him.

Let’s just be stereotypical here to sum this ol’ boy up:

  1. Jews make big deals out of things that aren’t really things.
  2. The English are scared of controversy and also semites.
  3. Arabs are scary.

Alright. Post accomplished.

 

 

Happy 65th birthday Israel! Sorry I didn’t really write anything about you today. Or post much about your big 6-5. But I did take 5 minutes out of my day to make you a sweet Blingee. I hope you like it.

israel

NERRRRRDS. NEEEERRRRRRRRRDS. So you took down a few small websites. So you built your own website and claimed you hacked it. You’re all just a bunch of NEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRDS. Get over yourself and do something worthwhile. I liked you guys butter when you were hunting down puppy killers. But this? Trying to take down any website registered with co.il? NERRRDS. I looked at your list and for a moment was impressed. You took down Coca Cola, Xbox360, WindowsLive and a few other big name sites. Unfortunately they were all bootleg sites and not actually real sites people used. But there you are, bragging about it. Which makes you an even LAMER NERD.

I’m embarrassed for anyone involved in this stunt.

Sometimes, New York gets jealous and wants to be more Jewy than Israel. It’s a weird dispute because all though there are more of The People in NYC, Israel is still considered Jew Central.  It’a a power play of some sort. I don’t get it.

Recently, a Haredi newspaper in Monsey, New York called the Monsey Community Connections blurred the faces of children’s dolls in their advertisements. You know, for modesty purposes. Because if you’ve seen Lars in the Real Girl you know dolls are slutttttzzzzzz.

Meanwhile, in Israel, there’s been all sorts of scandals because the Haredim keep scratching out ladies faces in advertisements and not showing girl babies in Halloween advertisements.

Vandalized Israeli Billboard

Real mature guys.

 

Therefore, I’m just going to chalk this up to the imaginary New York vs. Israel competition I mentioned above.

Nobody wins.

 

haredi-smoking

Are your cigarettes Kosher for Passover? In Israel, the Sephardic Chief Rabbi understands that you might be worried whether or not your death sticks are permissible on Passover. So he is handing out Kashrut symbols for cigarettes. That’s right. Now you know there is no Chametz in your cigarettes! Who knows what one of those millions of additives they add to cigarettes are. Maybe one of them is pork fat *gasp*. Although since this is a Sephardic ruling, you still might have kitneyot packed in one of your ever so sweet Dubek Tobacco cigarettes.

kosher-for-passover-cigarettes

The Chief Rabbinate is totally against smoking, mind you. And really wants you to quit. But if you’re going to smoke on Passover, you might as well make sure there aren’t any bread crumbs left in there.

If you think this is a scam, you’re probably correct. The Chief Rabbinate is the only one that can give out a Kashrut symbol, which you have to pay outrageous fees for. So when one company asks for a Kashrut symbol that honestly doesn’t need one, you know that sheep people are going to buy up that product. This is going to put money in the hands of the Rabbinate and in the hands of Dubek Tobacco Products.

// Failed Messiah

Congressional-Republicans

While much of the country is focusing on Obama’s trip to Israel, TPM reports that Congressional Republicans were invited along on Air Force one for the Jerusalem state dinner. This includes prominent Republican Eric Cantor. Their response: “Sorry, but we’re working this week.”

AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHH

AHAHAAHHAHHAHA

HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA

HAAHAHAHAH

Ha….

Oh man I’m crying from laughing so hard. Most Americans think cockroaches contribute more to society than Congress. So what’s the real reason? Fear? Hatred? You’re clearly not actually working. So what’s going on Congressional Republicans?