Archives For Israel

This Land is Mine is a beautiful / terrifying depiction of the last 6000 years in the land of Canaan / Israel / Palestine. Millennia after Millennia of war and death over the small piece of land many have called their rightful home.

The list of participating parties:

Early Man
Canaanite
Egyptian
Assyrian
Israelite
Babylonian
Macedonian/Greek
Greek/Macedonian
Ptolemaic
Seleucid
Hebrew Priest
Maccabee
Roman
Byzantine
Arab Caliph
Crusader
Mamluk of Egypt
Ottoman Turk
Arab
British
Palestinian
European Jew/Zionist
PLO/Hamas/Hezbollah
State of Israel
Guerrilla/Freedom Fighter/Terrorist
The Angel of Death

Noad Lahat, Israeli-American UFC fighter, won a bout yesterday and is returning to Israel to rejoin the IDF. Hey, even the great Red Sox Ted Williams went overseas during WWII. Sounds like my perfect weekend.

//Failed Messiah

Israeli Women IDF

Israeli women (and maybe some Americans) are taking to facebook and posting photos of themselves half or mostly naked in support of the IDF. While the U.S. sends money and weapons to Israel, Israeli women are sending photos of their naked bodies.

I… Just… yeah… Okay…

//Mediaite

As this video shows, it’s impossible to please people on this subject. There is a reason why we don’t talk much about the Israel-Palestinian conflict. No matter what we say, most people will yell at us for either not caring about dead children, or supporting a terrorist group, or not mentioning something that’s hardly important. The entire war is a PR battle and we really don’t feel like pushing either side’s press release.

If you really want our opinion, it’s this: Cut the shit everyone.

This is kind of funny. It’s not hilariously funny, because it’s too full of itself. Ever listen to Bill Maher? His head is so far up his self-righteous ass, it’s impossible to laugh with him. No self-deprecation. Just a political comedian who thinks everything he says is from Socrates’ own pederast mouth.

It’s the same with this BBC video. I totally get the joke they are going for – what if Israel tried to grab land everywhere it had a presence. It’s entertaining, and I like when one of them calls a police officer anti-Semitic. That’s always a good one. Otherwise, it may have been funnier if it was the same premise but using a different country? Like one that nobody would expect to start land-grabbing. Lichenstein. Clearly.

Funny? Not funny? Anti-Semitic?

//Times of Isreal

Woody Allen has recently given a spiel on Israel, and religion, and anti-semitism. I read the lines he was quoted in with his sweet lil neurotic voice, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Woody-Allen-as-Rabbi

Viva Uncle Woody.

I mean like unless he’s a child a rapist and therefore a bad person like the internet believes. But even then…I just can’t quit you Woody Allen.

Something about Bubala Please makes me wish I didn’t live in Vermont. Oh yeah, that whole ‘diversity’ thing. It’s just so refreshing. Anyhow, it seems that the men behind Bubala Please have bought into the Taglit-Birthright Complex in their search for a Jewish girlfriend. Well, there’s lots of African Jews in Israel. So best of luck!

CHUTZPAHINVITE

Dude Where’s my Chutzpah is a brand new web series featuring the hilarious Jessie Kahnweiler. It’ll be premiering at the Downtown Independent Theater in LA on the 19th of May! So if you’re on the left coast, you need to be there. Otherwise, you can sit at your computer and wait for this series to drop.

Still not convinced? You fickle SOBs. Here is a Q&A we had with Jessie about Dude Where’s My Chutzpah and other upcoming projects.

HJ – Hi Jessie!
Jumping right in, where did you get you chutzpa from, and does your mother know about this?

Jessie Kahnweiler For the whole back story I’d really like to play up the story of my bubbe actually passing away and leaving me money. Yeah it’s a lie but it’s not like an evil lie it’s a little white or olive skinned lie…..I want the series to be more of a performance, I’ll relase the episodes in 3 parts and kind of pretend like it’s happening as we speak. So I can get the audience involved.

HJ – Why should I watch your new web series?

JK – This series is for anyone who’s ever need to get lost in order to find themselves. I know major barf cheesy but for serious, before I went on this quest to find my Judaism I was doing just fine, drinking 8 dollar lattee’s and waiting in my Prius for my dream life to start. This journey has shown me that being a Jew means asking questions that have no answers, getting dirty, falling on your ass and jumping up to beg for more. I’m a jewish sephardic girl so i’ve always had chest hair but this journey def made me grow a few more. I always thought Judiasm was like my grandma’s thing but this project has forced me to look at judiasm in a whole new light: it’s radical, and liberal, and spirtual, and even sexy… it’s like those optical illsuion paintings from the Mall… it’s kinda whatever the hell you want it to be.

this-series-is-beyond-kosher

HJ – Wow that’s so cool and or funny! How did you come up with this idea?

JK – Well about 2 years ago my bubbe passed away and she left me a HUGE sum of money but I could only cash in if I could prove to her Rabbi that I could live Jewish for 1 year. Of course I freaked out because, like most Jews my age, the only thing I knew about being Jewish was eating bagels and having thick leg hair. Thus my insane quest to do Judaism MY way AKA “Dude,Where’s my Chutzpah?” was born. Needless to say, it’s been one hell of a ride… We’re all trying to find the best version of ourselves and by giving me this mission my bubbe was trying to help me find my soul potential. It’s been one hell of a ride and I can’t wait to keep going. I’m scared but my bubbe didn’t rasie no pussy.

HJ – Did you ever end up finding yourself?

JK – ??!!?!? Way to send me right back into therapy dude. I think im trying, I’m giving it a shot and trying to listen to my heart and my stomach and live an honest life. The more I make films and deal with shit in an honest way, life just gets better, yeah it just keeps getting better. I mean it can’t get any worse right?

HJ – Can you lend me a few… hundred dollars? No but I can teach you how to sell your first born to fund your movies. 1st step grow some balls and get a vagina.

JK – What type of characters should I be expecting to see? Hmmm it’s all a version of me going through these sceanrios (using Religion, Race, Social Taboo’s etc.) where I get out of myself in order to try and figure out what it means to be me. Do I ever fully get it?…… Yeah right, that makes for a real honest storytelling…… people just sitting around being good at life….:)

HJ – What else have you been working on?!

JK – Right now im prepping (fundraising $$ wink wink) for a sort of sequel to “dude where’s my chutzpah?” called “White Noise” where I explore all the various races/sub cultures in and around LA. There’s such a taboo around the subject of race, we don’t even have the proper language to discuss and explore how it both separates and unites us. I want to have those conversations that are normally reserved for the thoughts inside our heads. How do we identify “the other” and how does the “other” self- identify? Lots of chick and egg dynamics. Being a Jewish chick, it’s an interesting background to come from. A culture that has such a strong history of identifing (and later) siding with “the other” while also reaping the benefits of whiteness. I wanted to take that perspective along with me on my journey. I don’t know what’s going to happen but that’s the point. Deep breath, shaved armpits, good running shoes and I’m off…..

More info for…
White Noise: http://igg.me/at/whitenoise
Chutzpah: www.dudewheresmychutzpah.com
@shegotchutzph

Israeli documentary filmmaker, Ilan Ziv is kvetching about how the BBC dropped his documentary because they be joo haterz… or at least scared of the Middle East. His film, Jerusalem: an Archaeological Mystery Story, questions the number of Jewish exiles from Jerusalem in AD 70. What he’s arguing is that not as many Jews were kicked out as we previously believed and that a lot of the modern day Palestinians are descended from some of these Jews who never actually left.

BBC4  removed his content at the last minute and replaced it with a rerun of a documentary about an Egyptologist. They claimed Ziv’s documentary didn’t fit with the tone of the rest of the season. Or in other words, “Pip, pip cheerio, we’re scared of pissing off angry Muslims, because we assume all Muslims are angry and not forward thinking, intelligent people.”

I like to see how many people I can offend in one sentence.

Though the film didn’t really stir up any controversy when screened, Ilan is convinced the BBC dropped his film because they were concerned about offending the delicate balance of power and rage that is the Middle East. He also accused the BBC of trying to hide the subject matter of the documentary by changing its title. Those Brit punks, even went as far as to attempt to remove Ziv’s name from the program and to present it as an “adaptation” of his work.

Ilan Ziv

I personally feel like Ilan Ziv is pretty scary. And I wouldn’t want to fuck with him.

Let’s just be stereotypical here to sum this ol’ boy up:

  1. Jews make big deals out of things that aren’t really things.
  2. The English are scared of controversy and also semites.
  3. Arabs are scary.

Alright. Post accomplished.

 

 

Happy 65th birthday Israel! Sorry I didn’t really write anything about you today. Or post much about your big 6-5. But I did take 5 minutes out of my day to make you a sweet Blingee. I hope you like it.

israel