Archives For hitler

The art of Hailing a Cab

Have you ever thought that hailing a cab looked a little weird? Arm out. Hand pointed to the sky. Looks a little like… how you say… a Nazi salute. Well it seems like one NYC cab driver took the hailing (heiling) a bit too seriously.


Some people like to complain about new ‘peer taxi services’ like Uber and Lyft, but at least they aren’t a bunch of Nazis, right? If it makes you feel any better, the taxi driver was suspended for 30 days.

I know this video isn’t new, but I stumbled on it again and it’s too good to not post. I can’t give anything away, but I promise this video is wonderful and will help you realize that sometimes being unsafe is actually the safest thing you could do.

If some German students had their way, Mercedes would have put this commercial out onto the internet.

This brings it all back to the question: Could you kill Hitler? Could you kill child Hitler? Could you kill baby Hitler?

Time travelers will have it tough if that’s ever invented!

Either way, Germany, you don’t need to do this for the Jews. We like you. We love you. We know you’ve changed. But thanks for the laugh.


Everybody Dance Now!

Chicky —  03/29/2013 —  Comments

Eli Terry. You mean man. When you say ‘everyone’, it means EVERYONE.

Even Fascists deserve to dance. (You can quote me on that.)

I’m sure Hitler danced. He danced if he wanted to. And he danced even when his uptight friends, Goebbels and Himmler, wouldn’t dance. Although on second thought I’m pretty sure Hitler wouldn’t dance to ‘Negro Jazz’…so fuck him. I change my mind. Fascists don’t deserve to dance. And you can call me a fascist for saying that.

Last week, a player on the Greek National Soccer team, Giorgos Katidis, scored a goal and then preceded to celebrate by giving the Nazi salute (or heiling) for several seconds toward the audience. It was an incredibly stupid, terrible, and offensive decision by him, but the more offensive decision was made today by the Greek National Soccer Team by banning Giorgos from their team for life.


The Holocaust sucked. It was the worst, it was terrible. No one disagrees with that. No one should take it lightly and even after seventy years, the “heil” is offensive and shouldn’t ever be done, but to ban a kid for doing it once in a moment of excitement is stupid and sending the absolute wrong message. .

When Giorgos was asked about his offensive gesture, he pleaded ignorance. He said he saw it in a history book, and he thought it looked cool. He had no idea what it meant to people, so what do we do in this moment? Do we educate? No. We ban him. We don’t teach the kid, we don’t explain to him what’s going on, we take away the thing he loves and has strived to do his whole life, play soccer. Some people think that Giorgos was being disingenuous, that he knew what he meant and he was just trying to rile up people, or as I like to call it just “being a fucking ass hole”, and even if that were true…he shouldn’t be banned from his team FOR LIFE for that. When I was 20, I used to piss out apartment windows for fun all the time ( I mean daily)…should I never be allowed to live in an apartment building again!? No! Cause I’m not a stupid idiot 20 year old anymore, and one day neither will he be.

Giorgos deserved to be punished, there’s no doubt. We can’t start letting people begin to dishonor the Holocaust and all those who died under the Nazi regime, it’s not right, the scars will take longer than 70 years to heal, but there is a bigger issue here. Giorgos is just a warning shot of what’s to come in this world 70 years after the Holocaust. People don’t know about the Holocaust. It’s becoming just another “thing” in history. I work in a public middle school in Chicago and when I saw an 8th grade girl was reading “The Diary of Anne Frank” in her class I asked her what she knew about the Holocaust. She told me that it was a war in Germany between the Nazis and the Jews. A war I said? A war? She said, yeah. They didn’t like each other, so they fought and the Jews hid…I wanted to scream from the rafters…a war!? A war!? It was a fucking extermination! This is what we’re fighting against…we’re fighting against ignorance, we’re fighting against forgetfulness. We’re fighting against the Giorgos of the world, but not because he’s a fucking ass hole, but because he DOESN’T KNOW!

We fucked up folks. We had a chance to set an example on how we’re going to educate ourselves and others and not to punish the ignorance. It’s time to teach our children about Fascism and Nazism, and I have a suggestion for the first lesson The irony of banning someone for life for speech is exactly what the Nazis would do. It’s Fascist. Lesson Learned.


Oh India. Full of your crazy Indian goodness. What would we do without you? More importantly, what would your minor politicians do without Adolf Hitler?
In some countries, there are laws that require you name your kid something that isn’t entirely fucking stupid. In India it’s all fair game.

Adolf Hitler is running for election in India. So is Frankenstein. Among the 345 contestants running for the state assembly are Frankenstein Momin, Billykid Sangma, Field Marshal Mawphniang and Romeo Rani. Some, like Kenedy Marak, Kennedy Cornelius Khyriem and Jhim Carter Sangma, are clearly hoping for the electoral success of their namesake American presidents.

I’m sorry, but India can not be a legitimate country. India has to be some bizarro would that an American invented, possibly The Onion, to make a ‘LOL’ at our expense. I mean there’s no way a country of a billion people is filled with that many assholes with that many asshole sounding names, right?

Then there is Hitler.

Okay…I’m listening.

This 54-year-old father of three has won three elections to the state assembly with little controversy over being named after the Nazi dictator.

His father had worked with the British army, but apparently developed enough of a fascination with Great Britain’s archenemy to name his son Adolf Hitler — though he also gave him the middle name Lu, Hitler said.

Yeah, back in my day, the year 2000, we wouldn’t call that a ‘fascination’ with an ‘archenemy’. We’d call that an unsympathetic dickhead. If it was America, I’d call him a Klu Klax Klan member, but I don’t think that would apply in this situation.

“I am aware at one point of time Adolf Hitler was the most hated person on Earth for the genocide of the Jews. But my father added ‘Lu’ in between, naming me Adolf Lu Hitler, and that’s why I am different,” Hitler told The Associated Press from the small village of Mansingre, 200 kilometers (125 miles) west of Gauhati, the capital of the nearby state of Assam.

Ooooh! Okay. I didn’t realize your father was a practical dick, so he gave you a middle name. This changes everything!

Hitler said his name has not stopped him from traveling the world, including to the United States and Germany. “I never had problems obtaining a visa but I was asked many times during immigration as to why I should have such a name. I told the immigration staff I possibly didn’t have a role in my naming,” he said.

Weird. In most countries you have the ability to change you name when your asshole parents name you something stupid and asshole-y. But the apple always sticks with the name the tree gave him, right?

Either way, thanks India! Your inability to keep up on Western history suddenly makes me feel okay for knowing very little – actually pretty much nothing – about your country.

//Associated Press

Never in my days did I think that the Hebrew Hammer would have the chance to see the light of day one more time. In high school I adored the Hebrew Hammer – it was the first, and only movie to make Hanukkah sound fun. Sure, it contained a ton of Jewish stereotypes, but that was just an easily accessible way to satire blaxploitation movies.

And now the director, Jonathan Kesselman, needs your help to fund a second Hebrew Hammer. Not only will it include time travel, but will also include Hitler, Anne Frank, and seemingly every other Jewish historical figure of note. On top of that, there will be a Jewish Hipster playing the role of the Hebrew Hammer’s adversary. Needless to say, Mr Kesselman deserves a free HJ tee shirt (and maybe will feature it in HH2?).

So start funding this people! If we’re lucky maybe the movie will be out by Hanukkah 2013.

Ugh. Jews. Can’t you understand that bad publicity is still publicity? That if you poll 100 out of 100 Indian children, atleast 10 of them wIll have heard of some dude named Hitler? You are all businessmen or bankers or Jewish mothers. Can’t you understand that sometimes a guy has gotta earn a living the hard way? By naming his store ‘Hitler’?

‘We had put up a cloth banner for over a month saying “Hitler opening shortly”, no one objected to the name then… //

Angstily complained the owner in a JAP voice. Probably because everyone thought it was going to be another trendy Indian night club, like ‘Das Holocaust’ or ‘Kike’ (pronounced like Nike, but with a ‘k’). But instead it turned out to be another shitty clothing/novelty store. And then people became angry.

As for the name, Shah again pleads ignorance, telling the Times of India the store was named after his business partner’s grandfather who was nicknamed Hitler “because of his strict nature.”

He continued: “Frankly, till the time we applied for the trademark permission, I had only heard that Hitler was a strict man. It was only recently that we read about Hitler on the internet.”

What. Are. They. Teaching. Indian. Children. These. Days.

You only knew you BFs grandfather as ‘Hitler’ because he acted like a total Nazi strict guy, while his grandmother was known as ‘Mussolini’ because she really loved the color brown.


So Jews you need to just accept that business is business and…wait a second…did a Jewish person actually complain?

We as a community had represented our concerns to the proprietors and we do not think they agree with us,” said Nikitin Contractor, convener of the Friends of Israel organization from Vadodara.

Oh wait. Do you mean Friends of Israel, the gospel culty Christian group that wants the Joos in Jooland so Jesus Joo can be reborn as father Joo God? Those friends of Israel?

Fuck that. Of course no Jewish person complained. We understand.

Carry on, young entrepreneur. Just make sure to give 10% profit to Chabad like a good samaritan.


Oh Regretsy. Always finding the best things that Etsy sellers have to offer. Who wouldn’t want some swastika oven mitts? I believe it was the Fuhrer who said that if you want to be a true proponent of the Nazi cause, you need to buy all the matching Nazi merchandise that the money-hungry Jews sympathizers have to offer. Home is where the oven the is. In this case, home is terribly racist.

You could probably buy them ironically in really bad taste. That’s also am option, just don’t invite coworkers over for dinner. Ever. Coworkers don’t ‘get’ irony.


Mini-golf is a game of inches. A game of overly ridiculous holes, meant to help you forget you paid $8 to putt around a shitty course. But do you think this is funny? Would your Rabbi let you play a round of golf here? Is it okay to hit a ball through Hitler’s lower abdomen, causing him to heil?

I think the Awl said it best: There is absolutely no challenge to that hole. I’m offended as a fan of both art and miniature golf.

I’m gonna give it an A- for theory, but a C- for execution. The world is limitless when you have Hitler for a muse, and this just doesn’t meet my Fuhrer-golfing standards.

//The Awl