Oh India. Full of your crazy Indian goodness. What would we do without you? More importantly, what would your minor politicians do without Adolf Hitler?
In some countries, there are laws that require you name your kid something that isn’t entirely fucking stupid. In India it’s all fair game.
Adolf Hitler is running for election in India. So is Frankenstein. Among the 345 contestants running for the state assembly are Frankenstein Momin, Billykid Sangma, Field Marshal Mawphniang and Romeo Rani. Some, like Kenedy Marak, Kennedy Cornelius Khyriem and Jhim Carter Sangma, are clearly hoping for the electoral success of their namesake American presidents.
I’m sorry, but India can not be a legitimate country. India has to be some bizarro would that an American invented, possibly The Onion, to make a ‘LOL’ at our expense. I mean there’s no way a country of a billion people is filled with that many assholes with that many asshole sounding names, right?
Then there is Hitler.
This 54-year-old father of three has won three elections to the state assembly with little controversy over being named after the Nazi dictator.
His father had worked with the British army, but apparently developed enough of a fascination with Great Britain’s archenemy to name his son Adolf Hitler — though he also gave him the middle name Lu, Hitler said.
Yeah, back in my day, the year 2000, we wouldn’t call that a ‘fascination’ with an ‘archenemy’. We’d call that an unsympathetic dickhead. If it was America, I’d call him a Klu Klax Klan member, but I don’t think that would apply in this situation.
“I am aware at one point of time Adolf Hitler was the most hated person on Earth for the genocide of the Jews. But my father added ‘Lu’ in between, naming me Adolf Lu Hitler, and that’s why I am different,” Hitler told The Associated Press from the small village of Mansingre, 200 kilometers (125 miles) west of Gauhati, the capital of the nearby state of Assam.
Ooooh! Okay. I didn’t realize your father was a practical dick, so he gave you a middle name. This changes everything!
Hitler said his name has not stopped him from traveling the world, including to the United States and Germany. “I never had problems obtaining a visa but I was asked many times during immigration as to why I should have such a name. I told the immigration staff I possibly didn’t have a role in my naming,” he said.
Weird. In most countries you have the ability to change you name when your asshole parents name you something stupid and asshole-y. But the apple always sticks with the name the tree gave him, right?
Either way, thanks India! Your inability to keep up on Western history suddenly makes me feel okay for knowing very little – actually pretty much nothing – about your country.