–)article on why he supports Glenn Beck’s rally(–

Captain Picard understands a good zinger.

The Intro and Brilliant Insults “1″ and “2″ are intended to be in one paragraph.  The remaining insults are intended as a second paragraph.  Feel free to cut and paste, mix and match.  Trolls be free!

Intro

My /person/generic and/or corporate sub-culture/political beliefs/sexual preference/religion/ has been wronged/offended/infuriated/misrepresented/slighted.

Brilliant Insult #1

You are a /dumb/foolish/foolhardy/elitist liberal/hipster Jew,/ just like that /SOB/communist/fascist/terrorist/cheese eating surrender monkey Obama!

Brilliant Insult #2

You’re a(n) /imbecile/hamster lover/liberal/terrorist/poseur/malevolent SOB/Glenn Beck fucker/worse than Hitler/Hitler/ who deserves a  /good ol’ fashion MURICAN ASS WHOOPIN’/donkey punch/beat down/to be shot/run over by a drunken long boarder.

Second Paragraph Intro (space permitting)

Further, /your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries/I fucked your mother/I know where you live.

Second Paragraph Insult #2

If you ever /insult/malign/misrepresent/marginalize my person/generic and/or corporate sub-culture/political beliefs/sexual preference/religion/ again, I’ll find you and /meet you by the flag pole at 4 PM/GUN YO PUNK AZZ DOWN!/cut you/do grievous bodily harm to you/rustle your cattle.

Failing is all part of his master plan…

Of course, Beck couldn’t promise to leave his show later this year without doing it in his signature style: batshit crazy with ominous predictions for the future. He had this to say:

One year from now, you on the left will be crapping yourself so much, you haven’t crapped in your pants as much as you will in a year from now. … You’ll crap yourself more than when you were a baby.

A little constipated, are we, Mr. Beck?

Not so long ago, I fervently believed that MediaMatters.org was the sole beacon of political sense in this wild world, and read it from top to bottom every day. Now I understand them to basically be the far-left hyperventilating over the rhetoric of the far-right and then calling it news. Nonetheless, during my naivete, I signed up for their (e-)mailing list, and despite having told them that I wish to unsubscribe repeatedly, they will send me stuff. Their main topic ever since Beck joined FOX News was Glenn Beck. In fact, Media Matters quickly became the Glenn Beck anti-fan club.

So, I was less-than-surprised to find that they had e-mailed me, claiming responsibility for Beck’s departure, and promptly hitting me up for money in this e-mail message:

Dear Alexander,

This message is a long time coming, and it feels good to finally tell you the news. Yesterday [April 6th], Fox News announced that later this year, toxic talk show host Glenn Beck would “transition off” from his nightly hour of hate, falsehoods, extremism, and absurd conspiracy theories.

It’s thanks to your support that we’ve been able to continually monitor and fact-check Beck and his relentless tide of smear campaigns and lies. With your help, we’ve been able to make the case that Beck has a dangerous impact on the national conversation — and we’ve been able to ensure that Fox’s promotion of Beck has had real-life consequences for the network’s credibility and its advertising dollars. Beck’s show has lost nearly 1 million viewers in the last year, and more than 300 advertisers since its debut.

It took two years too long for this to happen and the fight isn’t over: Fox News and its allies in the right-wing media will continue to distort and undermine the political process. The right-wing noise machine still injects political attacks and falsehoods into our national debate through outlets like Fox News and talk radio.

Help us keep up the fight for honesty and accountability in the media.

As long as conservatives continue to broadcast misinformation and hate speech, we’ll keep working around the clock to monitor and fact-check it and to prevent it from influencing the national dialogue.

Donate today to support the important work Media Matters for America does to ensure honesty and accountability in the media.

Help us keep up the fight.

Thank you for your continued support — this wouldn’t have been possible without you.

Sincerely,

David Brock
Founder and Chairman
Media Matters for America

As a fellow far-lefty, I have no problem with Media Matters opposing Beck, or fact-checking him relentlessly for two years (although, that’s way more watching of Glenn Beck’s show than I’d want to do). But let’s get this straight: Media Matters did not kill Glenn Beck. Dana Milbank in the Washington Post has a great op-ed on why Beck isn’t going to have a TV show anymore: his gloom-and-doom narrative was timely two years ago, when it looked like we were all going to live in some Mad Max nightmare world.

Pictured: Libertarians of the dystopic future

But now that the economy is on the up, that whole “we’re all going to wind up in concentration camps thanks to Obamacare” rhetoric just doesn’t fly as much. So people no longer convinced the end times were upon us, stopped watching.

Except for Media Matters.

I can’t believe I’m saying it, but Glenn Beck got this one right. Listen, we don’t all agree with Israel’s actions and the way they treat many Arabs in their own country. But we need to look at the bigger picture. While they might not be 110% ‘humane’ to some people’s standards, look at the other countries in the area.

Although, I greatly dislike making that type of comparison for a reason. We put Israel on a pedestal above other Middle Eastern countries because we know Israel can be better. What we really should be doing is comparing Israel to the U.S. If we are brothers and sisters, then we should have the same standards. We must look at ourselves before telling others what they are doing wrong. And when you look deep enough, you can see that a country the size of New Jersey has the same exact issues as the U.S. Which leads me to ask: Would you rather spend a week in Gaza or a night on the streets in Camden, NJ or watch a full episode of the Glenn Beck show?

P.S. That headline took me an hour to write. Not because I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to say, but it just hurt that much to say it.

While checking on my many stocks in the Wall Street Journal this morning, I happened to come across an ad for the sanctioning of Mr. Glenn Beck. Apparently Glenn Beck has been talking shit on holocaust survivors and dropping the H-bomb at any moment he thinks necessary. Which comes out to about 30 times a day.

Being that today is U.N. Holocaust Remembrance Day, these 400 left wing rabbis found it fit to describe their displeasure to Rupert Murdoch through one of his many fine and dying newspapers. Apparently Beck has said a lot of stupid shit in his time. who would have guessed? I just heard about him last week.

The Rabbis also took aim at Roger Ailes. Although, not because Roger Ailes is a huge asshole. After some of these Rabbis took note of Beck’s anti-semitic attacks on George Soros, Ailes stated “left-wing rabbis who basically don’t think that anybody can ever use the word, Holocaust, on the air.” Nothing wrong with that, right?

Fox News responded to the Rabbis by claiming this is all just a big a big left wing conspiracy that Glenn Beck has been stating this entire time. That’s a half court shot for Fox News. All net.

There was also a statement made by Beck stating that he isn’t an anti-semite because of a documentary he made on Iran. He went on to say something about how he hates all religions, beliefs, and skin colors other than white Mormons, but was cut off.

I watched this several times and am still confused. Shouldn’t all Christians be thanking us? We helped Jesus on his path towards Resurrection.

Wait, what is that you say? Jews didn’t actually kill Jesus? Back in the day Christians used this misinformation as an excuse to t-bag Jewish people?

Jesus Christ (can I say that?), Glenn, stop living in the 50s. That idea went the way of gay-bashing and racism…Oh hehehe. Right. You’re all homophobic racists on Fox News. I guess that makes you pretty consistent.

And when the hell did Glenn get a degree in Christian theology? I know he likes to talk like he is an expert on everything. But even if the Jews did kill Jesus, how does he know that Jesus would blood lust for revenge? I’m all for a powerful, vengeful, merciless god (think: Yahweh), but homeboy, you don’t know Jesus.

I almost care to wonder how Republican Jews for Jesus will feel about this.

Its been awhile since I hated on Glenn Beck. I’ve been pretty busy. I find it great that two Jews have called him out this week. I’m not a scientist, but knowing that the only 24 hour American news station in Israel is Faux News, I’m pretty sure Glenn Beck lies to get into all the stellar clubs in Jerusalem. I heard Beck is a fan of bad techno and house music.

I was going to start off by saying ‘Glenn Beck is a douche’ but that’d be like saying ‘beer rocks’. It’s just so obvious it shouldn’t need to be said. And in case you forgot, us HipsterJews half-assed to fight Glenn with our own ‘Glenn Beck’ Haikus. Which is where the story begins.

Now, if Glenn Beck was a real man, he’d have experts on his radio show debating real issues. But no one on the radio is a real man, even Imus. He’s just another crazy dude hiding behind a telephone. Kinda like the Jerky Boys and their hilarious 1990s prank phone call cassettes.

Jewish Funds for Justice, the group that sponsored the Glenn Beck Haikus, got attacked the other day. They had made some claims about the positives of social justice, and Beck wanted to refute them. Like the idiot he is, he used the ‘Jew Card’ in a most chutzpadik manner. Here is what Glenn had to say:

BECK: God is truth. And he lights a fire. God changes hearts. God goes directly to your heart. Government goes directly to your wallet.

He [Jewish Funds for Justice President] says, “All of us are created in the image of the divine, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. To put God first in faith is to put humanity first.” Is that true? He then says, “This is a democracy.” No, it’s a republic. There’s a difference, you should look it up. “The government is you, me, and 300 million whom we share with our nation. Government is one way which we care for our neighbors, and tradition tells me to care for my neighbor as I care for myself. Here’s what we do for each other as Americans: We grow food, we create jobs, we build homes, pave roads, teach our children, care for our grandparents, secure our neighborhoods. Government makes our country function. To put God first is to put humankind first. To put humankind first is to put the common good first.”

This leads to death camps. A Jew, of all people, should know that.

This is exactly the kind of talk that led to the death camps in Germany. Put humankind and the common good first.
Help me out, how did that lead to death camps? How does that lead to death camps? Because that’s what they’ll say: “Oh, Glenn Beck is talking about death camps.” Help me out. Let’s think of this logically, and we can back it up with documentation. How does that lead to death camps?

GRAY: Well, because if certain people are hurting the common good, they have to be removed from society.

BECK: They have to be liquidated. How about grandma and grandpa?

GRAY: Yeah, they’re pulling down the common good, they’re costing to society too much.

BECK: So we’re gonna have to let ‘em die. How about the handicapped?

GRAY: Well they hurt the race. They can’t pull their weight for the common good. They can’t produce for society.

BECK: If they also reproduce, are we gonna let imbeciles continue reproduce? It’s all the same argument. Once you get into the common good, it’s over. And this is the perversion that every minister, pastor, priest, bishop — every single person in America, every rabbi should be at the pulpit saying the same thing — get away from anyone who talks about the common good. Because the common good — if you put that first, and you reject individual — you are headed for the death camps.

Shit! I need to call my Rabbi immediately and warn him that he’s been preaching Nazi propaganda to my congregation for years! What will he say when he learns giving charity for Yom Kippur equates giving away free Lugers and Bratwurst to Nazis?

Is it a bit suspicious that Glenn Beck, a blond-haired blue eyed Christian is obsessed with Nazis? I know I should be offended by all of this, but Glenn has made me so desensitized to Nazis and Commies. It seems whatever I do will lead to their reemergence, so whats the point?

If you want to hear the clip, click below. I warn all listeners, Jewish and goy alike, that you may find yourself agreeing with Nazi philosophy after hearing it. Jk! But seriously, someone read WAAYYYYY too much Ayn Rand in highschool. And then never picked her books up again.

"Even Garfield was a communist" – Glenn Beck, a quote I just made up

Glenn Beck said religious social justice (i.e. charity from churches and synagogues helping the poor) is for communists, and that those people should leave their churches immediately.

Some people for some silly reason took offense to the non-biased, highly educated and well-informed powerhouse that is Glenn Beck. A few of  those people were part of the group Jewish Funds for Justice. I didn’t read their site, but they probably have something to do with controlling the world’s money supply and then doling it out in a Communistic manner to Jews in some universal Zionist Movement plot. They also decided to get back at Beck by asking people to make haikus to show what a mensch jackass he is/was/will forever be.

So we at Hipsterjew.com tried our hand at a couple haikus. We aren’t great at keeping our rants to a 5/7/5 format, but if you like one of them, please help us out (and Glenn Beck by association), click the link, and give us a ‘thumbs up. If we can learn anything from out dear friend Glenn, it’s that any publicity is good publicity, no matter how stupid we may look!

(Currently ranked 30th)

Beckstein reminds me
of the kid in my Jew school
who ate the glue stick

Submitted by @HipsterJew.  Link: becku.org/?13r

Glenn, who do you call
to sell you that mary jane?
I’ll need their number…

Submitted by @HipsterJew. Retweet. Link: becku.org/?14z.

Glenn Beck is just like
TV’s Pinky and the Brain…
…much more like Pinky

Submitted by @HipsterJew. Retweet. Link: becku.org/?15q.

We had another that is currently not up, but I’ll link it when it comes onto the site.

RANK: 87^th
+ 17
- 9

Beckstein reminds me
of the kid in my Jew school
who ate the glue stick

Submitted by @HipsterJew. Retweet. Link: becku.org/?13r. Share this