Hipster Jew » cigarettes

Fook this Shite (Tales from Ireland)

Mikvah McElroy — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 20:02:25 +0000

So here I am, in my other homeland, sitting in my teensy dorm bed, wearing every sweater I own, trying to decide the most important things I have learned thus far in Ireland. This is what I’ve come up with in the last week.

1) Whipping out one’s MacBook Pro in an Irish lecture hall is a sure-fire way to alienate oneself and declare ones American-ity (largely the same thing, I have discovered.)

2)~~Determinedly~~ Absentmindedly playing Bejeweled on ones iPhone is a great way to not make you friends.

3)My desperation to not “blend in” is working. My cowboy boots immediately correct the notion (taken from my otherwise extremely Irish looks) that I am from Ireland. Because I’m not. I’m an Amurrican goddamit. And strangely proud of it? Leave it to me to become a patriot as soon as I leave the golden shores of Amerikay.

4)There is nothing worse then sitting in your Ancient Celtic Peoples and Cultures seminar and realizing that the bagel with lox you just scarfed (after realizing that lox exist on this island) has left you with lox-fingers. Now your fingers smell like fish. Awesome.

5)Pool is very different here: The ~~pockets~~ holes are smaller, sticks are shorter and the balls are tiny.

6) Cigarettes = Fags

7) Pants = underwear

Imagine my confusion.

Crossed Legs for Hipster Jews? Yes?

Schlitz Lipz — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 19:30:50 +0000

If we hipster Jews were not baseless slatterns, I would suggest we take the same path some freakin’ badass women in Columbia have taken to get what we want. These chickies are refusing to DO IT until their little village gets an access road. It’s called a Crossed Legs Strike.

Get it Girls! (Or don’t?)

I have so much respect and admiration to these women, I can’t even begin to mock them. They are purging themselves of something they undoubtedly love for as long as they have to. My attempt to quit smoking those damn Marlboro reds forever didn’t even last 2 months.

And the Colombian women have done it before (or I guess NOT done it). There have been multiple cases of these women witholding sex to get what they want…

“In 1997, the army’s chief, Gen. Manuel Bonnet, urged women who were married to or dating a leftist guerrilla, right-wing paramilitary fighter or drug trafficker to deny them sex until they all agreed to a peace deal. And in 2006, women in a violent city in Colombia’s coffee-growing region held a crossed-legs strike for 10 days in the hopes of ending a bloody, inner-city gang feud.”

I vote we band together and fight for cheaper cigarettes and beer. No sex for any of us until we get what is rightfully ours! We deserve it! It is our right as citizens to pay reduced prices for the purpose of killing ourselves slowly.

It is our duty to ironically mimic these women’s battle for a legitimate cause. If we don’t do it, who will?

Camel tries to suade Hipster smokers

Chicky — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 00:00:13 +0000

It’s a well known fact that Hipsters are the only demographic that continues to smoke cigarettes. Everyone else knows its bad for you, and they buy into all those ‘anti-smoking below 18′ commercials. They’re stupid. Fact: Smoking = badass. Especially when you have a sleeve tat. But I’m preaching to the choir here.

It’s common knowledge that hipsters love American Spirits. They’re made by Indians, for Indians, and with Indians (old dead ones, don’t worry). So of course this would sound appealing to hipsters. And it should. [Unless you are like the Duckman who follows the rule: Whatever cheapeth, smoketh.]

So now Camel, after falling behind the 18-35 year old college-educated demographic, is trying to get its dirty scrubby paws on making hipsters pay $20 a pack for cigs. But unlike the competition, their corporation is marketing these cigs to Williamsburg residents.

So not only is hipster here to stay, it’s even been corporatized by the tobacco companies!

Free art with your ciggs!

The Duckman — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 16:03:06 +0000

Ciggs are almost getting to the point where you might as well roll up a $20, light it up and enjoy. The government enjoys taxing the sin out of us hipsters. And of course we are against it. Tax the rich instead of us, Big Brother. Whatever. The good news is that with each pack of cigarettes, you will now get a little piece of American Art. Take a look at what awesome collectibles you can get.

can anyone say “photoshopped pieces of crap”?

So does my microwave brah.

So is Chocolate broseph

It can also make you famous.

I bet you forced some asshole to smoke all those ciggs until he got cancer. Then you paid a Graphic Designer $5 to make a shitty mask for a lung. Fuck you man.

Babes and Ciggs

The man is trying to tell you what to smoke and when

The Duckman — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 23:00:15 +0000

Have you seen the recent commercials for e-cigarettes? You know, the ones where you can smoke inside because they are not real? From what I understand, you pay like 50 bucks to get nicotine vapor. Users say its a great way to quit smoking.

What happens when a slightly positive thing happens in this world? The lobbyists come in and push the fat cats in Washington around.

It looks like these e-cigarettes will be coming off the market because they are not “FDA approved.” I wonder if pigs blood in my filter is FDA approved. Whatever. Fuck them. I can’t buy clove cigarettes anymore (not that I ever would, it’s just the principle of the matter), I cant buy “Pall Mall lights”, I can’t even buy those wonderful Nat Shermans. Why? So that the kings of the tobacco lobby can fill their pockets with gold.

WE WANT LESS GOVERNMENT! GIVE ME MY UNEMPLOYMENT CHECK! RAMBLE RAMBLE RAMBLE!

Fuck Walgreens

The Duckman — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 17:00:03 +0000

Never have I got so much shit for buying a pack of cigarettes. Let’s be honest. I’ve never had amazing customer service at a Walgreens. But nothing this bad.

I walk into Walgreens and go right to the counter. To my right there is a cashier (male) sitting behind some boxes while texting on his phone. Behind me is another cashier (female) just walking right by me. We make eye contact but she walks away. So I stand there. And wait. I really have no where to go and wanted to see how rude they would be. I wait. I take out my card and wait some more. I start looking around. The guy is still texting. The girl can’t be seen. I tap my card on the counter. Nothing. Finally, I see the girl come towards me. The guy gets up and walks over to me. “Pall Mall blue”

Out of no where the girl walks over to the counter and says “People who like Star Wars should be locked in a padded room.” My mouth dropped. I didn’t even politely smile at her mocking me. Yeah, I’ve had cashiers poke fun at me. The guys at 7-11 used to always say “You always come in here with a different girl.” Way to blow my cover doods. But nothing where I was outright insulted because of my shirt. You know I can take a joke. Just read the rest of this blog. But this went too far.

And I’m not even done. The girl starts talking to her co-worker about a Jamaican dance party she tweeted about on her twatter. Didn’t even think about inviting me. W/e. The guy took my receipt. Read it. Then crumbled it up and put it in my hand. Thanks brah.

Im boycotting this shit. Ill walk the extra mile.

No related posts.

NYC Raises Cig taxes to astronomical highs

Chicky — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 13:30:53 +0000

The Legislature on Monday night narrowly approved boosting the state’s tax on cigarettes by an additional $1.60 – to a national-high $4.35 of taxes per pack.

So you know how much a pack of cigs is gonna cost a Williamsburg Hipster? $12-$13 for 20 smokes of Americans or Pall Malls. Include a 6-er of microbrews, or a few PBRs at worst….and you’re looking at a minimum $20+ a night to have any fun. Your post-college coffee shop or retail employment cannot cover these exorbitant prices.

If this wasn’t enough to make a grown Hipster cry, candy cigarettes are officially banned from being sold in America. So not only have NYC Hipsters lost a reason to live, but they also just had their childhood stolen from them.

Now, 8-12 year old kids will have to feel cool by smoking actual cigarettes. Thanks, America. You’ve just forced another generation to start stealing money from their parents and start smoking at 10 years old. Just to be cool. And the tobacco companies win again.

My Illegitimate Son

The Duckman — Thu, 27 May 2010 18:16:12 +0000

EMBED-Ardi Rizal – The real SMOKING BABY !! – Watch more free videos

Is this kid the coolest or what? Look at him twirl the cigg around. What a bad ass. I bet he gets all the chicks. Now, personally, I could not let my two year old smoke more than a pack a day, but hey, I’m a liberal east coast elitist. I care about shit like yoga and health and shit. But that’s just me.

Got a smoke? Stop blamin' yo mamma

Chicky — Fri, 07 May 2010 13:30:40 +0000

Always faithful and pedantically-Anglo BBC News has reported a scientific study about smoking cigarettes. Jewish hipsters, listen up because this one is for you.

Psssssttt. Over here. I’m going to whisper so your mother wont hear us. Hey, guess what? You can stop blaming your mother all the time for causing you so much grief, eventually leading to your chain smoking. Why is that?

Because guess what? It turns out that there are several genes in your body that may effect how much you smoke and how likely you are to quit smoking.

So I’m not saying to continue blaming your mother, but you did get half your genetic make-up from her. Oh, and before I forget, stop blaming the economy for the fact you live in your parent’s basement. No one made you get that studio art degree at a private university. Can I have an American Spirit?

On a side note: I love BBC because they get terrible quotes from terrible people who don’t matter. The quote for this article was:

“Smokers who want to quit should not wait for treatment tailored to their genetic make-up” – Amanda Sandford, ASH (a public-health charity).

Because obviously Amanda knows that smokers are spineless SOBs looking for any excuse to continue giving babies and the elderly secondhand smoke. Definitely not because it’s addicting or makes you look really really really bad ass.

Babes and Ciggs

The Duckman — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 13:30:10 +0000

New study came out stating that a lot of cigarette filters have pig blood in them. Yeah. Pig blood. First thing that came to my mind was “Oh NOES! Pall Maalllz?” On top of being a tree hugging Hipster Jew, I’m also a vegetarian. So this would be the destruction of my moral compass. Well I have two things to say to this.

1. Pish
2. Posh

What do Australian scientists know? So a few cigarettes in Greece have pig blood in them. Big deal. Legally you can have a certain amount of rat shit in your food (bet you didn’t know that. Better stop eating.) If God is going to smite me for smoking cigarettes, he might as well smite me for smoking pig blood.

Damn, all this talk of pig blood has got me wanting to smoke.

going to hell

Debunking Google Search 3: Jews don’t eat babies, silly goose