Even if you suck at stats, this will be easy to understand: Manhattan is more hip than Brooklyn, and Orange County is more hip than San Francisco AND Portland.

Don’t believe me? Let’s look at the numbers.

According to the Priceonomics blog, which tracked fixie sales per capita, fixies are almost twice as popular in Manhattan than they are in Brooklyn. According to the post, “There are more bikes offered for sale in Brooklyn than Manhattan, but only 8.3% of them are fixies versus 9.5% in Manhattan.”

This data was then accrued for all US cities. Turns out, fixies are more than twice as popular in Orange County than they are in San Francisco! And where is Portland on the list? 14th. I know Portlandia is all you’ve been watching, oh naive HJ, but maybe The O.C. is more your speed.

There’s more info in the blog about regional bike culture in general, but who cares? Bikes with gear shifts are so 2007.

I believe Priceonomics sums it up best:

Despite our best efforts to paint Portland as a bunch of hipster bike snobs, the data simply does not support such a conclusion. The people of Portland just seem to really like bicycles, but not ones that are particularly expensive or difficult to pedal up hills. The same goes for the denizens of Brooklyn, who aren’t the fixie-fanatics they’re made out to be. It seems that  American cities that are growing and highly educated tend to have thriving bicycle communities. Perhaps it is because these cities fill its inhabitants with a sense of adventure and optimism to try alternative forms of transportation. Or perhaps in these cities, parking is a pain in the ass.

And Meghan McCain has Hipster envy for none other than Zooey Deschanel, the Hipster Queen of Hipster Brooklyn.

Brooklyn is probably also not fun for her because her idea of fun is getting blown at a DC Young Conservative’s political party. To each their own.

I say let the famewhores hate all they want.

For every bad NBA hoopster joke, God adds another 4 hours to the lockout.

click to enlarge

//via espn//

A group of intrepid Brooklynites have spent at least a year living on four houseboats moored on the ultra-toxic Gowanus Canal, where they’ve been floating under the radar of city agencies that monitor safety regulations.

Three of the houseboats, occupied by hipster 20-somethings, are docked behind a truck lot off President and Bond streets. Neighbors said they’re known for late-night canal parties and pretty girls sunbathing on the decks.

A few blocks south, off a First Street trailer lot, Adam Katzman, who has described himself as an environmentalist, lives in a fourth houseboat.

Let me break this down for you so that you may truly appreciate how hip these fuckers are.

- They live on a boat, on a putrid river in shacktown Brooklyn
- They live in shacks, that they built with their own two hands
- They party on the reg, and also let ‘pretty girls sunbathe’
- Atleast one of them is a Jewish New Yorker
- Atleast one is an environmentalist pretending to be Huckleberry Finn
- “Gowanus activist Eymund Diegel said it “ironic” that the “city legally dumps about a million gallons of sewage daily into the canal, but it’s technically illegal [without government approval] to dock houseboats in the Gowanus – even one helping clean the water.”

Irony and Houseboats: A Hipster’s best friend.

<nypost>

Although, I might be a few days late on this image, I wrote the back story a few months ago. We warned you once. We warned you twice. And now you are giving us a bad name. You were suppose to fill out the census so that the state could give you more parks and farmers markets, but nooooooo. Filling out forms is something you haven’t done since 2000. And there is no way in hell you should have to fill out the god damn census twice in one lifetime. So when Guided by Voices wants to play a free show in a Brooklyn park, but the city can’t afford it, don’t come bitching to me.

And people wonder why Minnesota is getting all the Hipster cred these days… NY Hipsters are just hacks.

Not too long ago Brian Williams went on a self-hating rant about hipsters. And he shat on NYtimes in the process, in obviously hipster-hating fashion. It’s one of our favorite bashing pastimes too, Mr. Williams. He mostly did this to prove how large his balls were in the trendy world of young people. And it worked.

Now he’s back, singing the same song but for a new commercial. You motherfucking sociologist wizard. I salute you.

(via Gawker)

Brian Williams…now w/ Deer Tick!

vos iz neias – “It’s a mistake,” said Borough President Markowitz, pronouncing himself “flabbergasted” by the allegation that the borough grew by only 1.6 percent to 2,504,700.

“It is inconceivable that Brooklyn — the hottest borough in which to live, work and play — grew only a small percentage in the past decade,” said Markowitz. “If you just count the Hasidim from Williamsburg, the Satmar and the Lubavitch Hasidim in Crown Heights, you’ve got 40,000 increase right there over the last 10 years.”

What is Markowitz bitching about? The fact that he lost funding for his Brooklyn pet projects? Here is a word to the wise: If you want funding from the government, make sure they count your residents. As Chicky reported a year ago, around the time the census was due to be counted, 50% of New York did not fill out a census. 70% of Williamsburg didn’t fill out their census. We made fun of the hipsters for it, but at the same time, the Jews refused to fill it out too. Most likely because they don’t want the government knowing they have 13 kids, don’t pay taxes, and are illegally living here.

The government is soooo easy to blame for your errors. Even when you are part of the government.

(Skip to 1:00 if you love 4loko and don’t care if it may kill you)

So this is beyond a fad, right? I mean, nearly every state in the country will outlaw this shit, just like they did to salvia. The White House hopes that the FDA bans it outright throughout the country.

This Brooklyn Selectman understands the scary concerns that 4loko may bring to our impressionable youth. Back in his college days he was known as ‘Blackout Billy’. He could drink a horse under the table, and live to tell the tale on the next vomit-induced morning. He was a champ.

But now look at him. A mere shadow of his glory years. Only 2 1/2 4lokos and you’re spewing chunks bro? That’s like 14 drinks/shots/beers in one hour. 15 at best. Come on bro. You’re better than that! Don’t you want to be accepted by all your other bros in BK city hall?

Even if he is a pussy, I like the way this dude operates. I’d like to see every politician pull this publicity stunt. From now on, congressmen can only ban substances if they themselves have tried them during a session of Congress. I’d love to see a session in the House with Nancy Pelosi tripping on acid, John Boehner freebasing meth, all the while Barney Frank and Joe Biden snorting coke from a hooker’s ass.

Where do I sign up to run for political office?

The Duckman got a job and thinks he can slack on hipsterjew since he’s working the ol’ 9-5. Boo-fricken-hoo. Because he put in effort before this?

Either way, being the good brother I am, I have found him an apartment. Because he needs to be cool, and he wont get the ‘chicas’ if he doesn’t have his own bachelor pad. So brother, your welcome. It’s cheap, affordable, and with the money you save you can start paying me back for those ‘bailout funds’, i.e. random alcohol binges.

And the best part is, if he ends up making the place smell like cheap liquor and smelly artist’s feet, you can just hose it down.

<via Gawker>

I don’t know what it is about old New Yorkers. But if you can survive our last great war, kick Nazi U-boat ass, and live in that urban hellhole for 97 years, one douchebag slumlord can’t be much of an issue.

I like how he’s not willing to back down. Sure, he may be old world by telling his landlord to ‘go back where he came from’. But he also isn’t afraid to talk shit. Muthalover has a gun. He’s a certified Nazi killer. You think he’s afraid of some young rapscallion trying to get all up in his grill? Old man got some steady shootin’ hands. Nobody would convict a 97 year old man. Nobody.

$63 a month for an apartment in Brooklyn? I bet he has enough money left over to spend all the time he wants at the five-cent slot machines in Atlantic City. Which is only the way it should be. The man is a veteran.