Talk about reinforcing terrible stereotypes. Jeez. Can this girl be any more of a bitch? Get over yourself. Nobody cares about you. Your situation is equitable, if not worse, than every Jewish calamity in the history of the world. Sarah Grunfeld (More like GRUNDLE): The first girl to believe someone said something anti-Semitic.

Shit. Now when real people have real problems and claim anti-Semitism, the international community isn’t going to believe them. Because the boy who cried anti-Semitism isn’t over-used by Jewish people overall and us in particular…

The heads of the ensemble decided not to even rehearse the piece in Israel, out of consideration for the public dispute over performing Wagner’s works in Israel.

Wagner was an avowed anti-Semite and his music and writings were admired by Adolf Hitler. His music has long been taboo in Israel. (The Forward)

So. They understand that it may be offensive to play it in Israel, but that it is okay to play it in Germany? Sounds kinda bullshit to me.

Like all problems having to do with Judaism, I turn to the Jewish everyman, our sage and anti-hero, Larry David. And I ask myself: What Would Larry David Do?

Yes Larry. We too are self-hating Jews, and it also has nothing to do with being Jewish.

The Great Larry David has spoken. Therefore, LET THE WAGNER BE PLAYED!

This leads to several other questions: Is it insulting if it is used in the right context? What if I were to say ‘that Jew-bag loves to eat lox on his bagels’?

The first Google Image when I searched 'Jew'. Obviously posted by some terrible 'Jew-hater'.

Obviously, Google is reeling in the aftermath of my 3-part award winning Walter Cronkite-esque journalism that revealed the extent of Google’s anti-Semitism.

(Debunking Google 1)
(Debunking Google 2)
(Debunking Google 3)

Do me a favor. Go search ‘JEW’ into Google right now. If done correctly, you will have the opportunity to click a link that will say this:

A site’s ranking in Google’s search results relies heavily on computer algorithms using thousands of factors to calculate a page’s relevance to a given query. Sometimes subtleties of language cause anomalies to appear that cannot be predicted. A search for “Jew” brings up one such unexpected result.

If you use Google to search for “Judaism,” “Jewish” or “Jewish people,” the results are informative and relevant. So why is a search for “Jew” different? One reason is that the word “Jew” is often used in an anti-Semitic context. Jewish organizations are more likely to use the word “Jewish” when talking about members of their faith.

Is this true? Have you ever heard someone called a ‘Jew’ in a derogatory manner? As usual, Google even has an answer to this question. Because they just NEED to have an answer for everything.

P.S. You may be interested in some additional information the Anti-Defamation League has posted about this issue at http://www.adl.org/rumors/google_search_rumors.asp. In addition, we call your attention to Google’s search results on this topic.

I’ll leave you with the spokesmen of our generation, the men of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, to answer the ‘Jew’ question.

They have the big ones, of course. Jesse James, Pope Benedict, Charles Lindbergh, Prince Harry, they even surmise about Arnold Schwarzenegger (you guys won’t believe me, but I spelled his last name right on the first try), but there are some fun ones (if any of this is “fun”) in there too. Errol Flynn, one of the biggest stars of the Golden Age of Hollywood is claimed as an out and out spy for Hitler, whose actions led to people’s deaths.

He's just so smug. How could he not be a Nazi?

Also, I didn’t know that not only was Bobby Fischer, the World Chess Champion, a Jew, but a self-hating one at that, who hoped after 9/11 that there would be a military coup that would execute the “American Jewish ringleaders.” He even drafted a letter to Osama Bin Laden in which he introduces himself as “The World Chess Champion” (neglecting to mention he gained that title 30 years earlier) and then calls the United States the “Jewnited States.” Man, that is the worst portmanteau I’ve ever seen. Here’s a little poem of scorn for Bobby Fischer:

I would guess, Mr. Fischer,
despite your finesse at chess
You never learned ’bout “subtly”

Really puts that whole 1972 World Championship match against the commies into perspective, doesn’t it?

Bobby Fischer winning one for Hitler

Some of them are stretches. Mel Gibson, for instance, makes the slideshow, but he never went so far as to praise Hitler.  Michael Jackson is included for comments he made about Hitler being a master of entertainment in order to sway so many people to his view of thinking is remarkable only because Jackson’s former rabbi goes to bat for him. Michael Jackson had a rabbi? I feel like we’ve only begun to scratch the surface of that man’s life.

There are some included who say Hitler was “brilliant” and then forget to clarify with “…and by that I mean ‘brilliantly evil’” instead letting some later publicist fill that line in for them. I wouldn’t call that “being a Nazi.” I would call that “being ridiculously stupid.” If you’re gonna talk about Hitler, you’ve got to remember that the tabloids aren’t gonna put your quotes in context in the headline. Don’t make nuanced points. Just get in a quick soundbite and moves on. Even if you said something trite, like “Hitler was bad” you would look less stupid than if you said “The thing I like about Hitler, while I don’t condone his actions, is…” They’re gonna skip that middle part and there’s gonna be a bunch of photoshopped photos of you in a Nazi uniforms on the internet. And don’t think it can’t happen to you because you’re attractive or something watch what happens to this cute puppy:

Aww! He's so cute and cuddly!

when I do this:

Literally ten minutes in Photoshop, and he's a virulent supporter of Hitler

If I were a famous celebrity, I would just stick to dressing like a less popular murderous group. Instead of the Nazis, why not try the Teutonic Knights? They’re pretty famous for hating non-Christians too. Plus, harder to photoshop.

Anti-Semitism can be used to explain so many things. It’s why Gore/Lieberman lost in 2000. It’s why Jews have yet to become space cowboys and travel to the moon. It’s why Jews were stuck being bankers in Europe, made bank doing it, and then were hated for it. And it’s also supposedly why Greenberg couldn’t hit 60 home runs.

Maybe it was anti-Semitism. But if he already was an established elite player in baseball, I’m pretty sure he was respected by other players. Unless the whole world is out to get the Jews, and every pitcher in the MLB was a Jew-hater (and probably still is, I’m looking specifically at you Kenny Rogers)…

Look now. I’ll agree that most Jews don’t have rhythm. Not much more than the average skinny white boy WASP population. Especially if said Jew is wearing skinny jeans and is a hipster. Hipsters are notoriously unable to groove rhythmically-it’s hilariously depressing to watch. But there are some blacks in the faith, who are said to have great rhythm and dancing skills. And this is the problem with Jewish stereotypes – Jews always have about 5 people who are the exception. Also, last time I checked any 95 year old Jewish grandmother could dance the Horah…

We do have horns, which occasionally cause airplane stewards to think we are terrorists. It happens to a praying Chassidic man once a year. And we do have big noses, but so do Italians. Hell, we’re also incredibly hairy, but so are Italians. Sometimes I wonder if the only thing that separates Jews from Italian Catholics is the whole Jesus thing.

But I’m not so sure about glassy eyes. Does that mean we are always high? Or possessed by some spirit, presumably a money and power grubbing spirit? And since we are the chosen people, is this spirit God? Does he also like money and power? (Probably.)

I do have to admit that I am excited there is one positive aspect about Jews on there, that we have high IQs. Granted we seem to use our high IQs, along with our horns, to hoard all the money and power, simultaneously destroying America while making people forget we don’t have rhythm.

But hey, aslong as the ladies and shiksas forget I have no rhythm….’nough said.