This is the closest the world has come to a Haredi Jew in skinny jeans.
Skinny Jeans are officially hawt hawt hawt hawt! The Rabbis have decided to ban skinny jeans, or as they call them by their God-Given name, ‘tight pants’. Not to be confused with ‘hot pants’ or ‘parachute pants’. As far as I’m concerned, these are okay. If they’re in black.
“Recently, the modesty of men’s clothing needs to be addressed as well, to uphold the ‘sanctity of our camp.’ We are expressing the Torah viewpoint that every man is obligated to dress in loose and modest clothing,” it reads.
What the good Rabbis are trying to say is that moose knuckles are totally not Kosher. Let’s not forget how biblical Joshua brought down the walls of Jericho with his dimly defined package. After that God had to ban those goy-pants, or else dire consequences would result.
The only clothing item distinctively mentioned in the letter is pants. “There is a strict Biblical prohibition against wearing tight clothing like the gentiles, as stated: ‘You shall not follow in their ways.’ Wearing tight pants is forbidden because of that reason.” At the conclusion of the letter, it states: “And those who wear (such garments) are sinful and cause corruption and it is obligatory to protest their behavior.”
You heard it. Can’t do what the gentiles do. If they start wearing hats to be ironically fashionable, you gotta stop wearing hats. If they start wearing underwear, you gotta stop. Everyone knows a good Jew does the opposite of those goyim. I damn you skinny jeans TO HELL.