Schlitz Lipz: The Indiana Jones of Cats

Big News. I found the fountain of my youth. My final bread and butter. The joy of all my years.

Yes. I realize none of these metaphors made any sense. This is because I am so freaking excited right now I can barely type without going eiorwjfijfjioerjioewjoiwopewop0ew.

In one of my classes today I. Watched. The. First. Cat. Video. Ever.

Here’s a brief history. Thomas Edison invented “the first commercially successful modern motion picture “.  With this fun information, his buddy W.K.L Dickson made many test shoots of things like men doing athletics, dancing women, etc. He also, and thank Yahweh he did, made a video of cats being adorable.

Enjoy it. Love it. Don’t jerk off to it.

And so, Thomas Alva Edison changed the lives of millions forever with some inventions as the film industry, the phonograph, the lightbulb. And all three of things are those a hipster jew can care for. But only if it is French, involves being something no one’s heard of, and is a lava lamp light.

Thanks, Buddy.