Racquetball is now a sport for Hipsters and old Jewish men

I’m on the right, obviously, with matching uniform/short shorts.

Hipsters are always looking for new sports to ruin, with our whiteness, gangliness, and general lack of athletic ability. We’ve tried taking 4 square (the childhood game, but also the app). We’ve tried taking kickball back (from elementary children).

But I think, finally, I’ve found a game which nobody is going to complain about Hipsters ‘stealing’. Think about it: Racquetball is already a rich white person sport. You can’t play unless you have a gym membership. (Or sneak into your alma mater because their security blows…which I definitely didn’t do. Yesterday.) Gym memberships are $$$$, especially in Jew York. Poor people play basketball and handball, which is free and ‘urban’. Racquetball can be played anytime, anywhere. And the better you get, the less exercise you have to exert. Technically.

It’s not like old Jewish men are gonna complain when young men with ironic mustaches and vintage short-shorts run around the court, cycling between yelling obscenities and shouting insulting campy phrases from the 20s.

So I say: Start a local racquetball club. Make sure one team is named Gay Human Bones. Have the Handlebar Mustaches play the 1-Ball-Deep-Short-Shorts. Winner gets a keg of homebrew. Ball on.