The latest Miss America, Mallory Hagan, is from Park Slope, BK. She is definitely not a hipster (originally from Alabama, so whatevs). After ignoring the sexism that exists in the Miss America pageant, I began wondering if a Hipster lady could ever win – and if so, how?
There are 2 equally unlikely scenarios for this to occur.
Scenario #1 – The Congeniality
In this scenario, a Hipster, who happens to be an FBI agent working in NYC (ironically, but is secretly super patriotic). She is super nerdy and quirky, but in a Zoey Deschanel kind of way. Also, she is a bit of a tom boy, because gender stereotypes are always funny. She joins the Miss America contest for New York while working undercover. Over the course of the competition she learns a lot about herself, and understands that maybe there is something more than sexism to the Miss America contest. Also, she is forced to shave her armpits. She gets runner up and then all the real Hipsters hate her because real Hipsters wouldn’t appear on a bullshit reality tv show, amiright?
Scenario #2 – Accidental Irony
This will never happen, but a man can dream. A young Hipster Lady enters the competition to be ironic – because beauty pageants are old fashioned and soooo sexist 1950s. Interestingly, because she is playing the ‘wild card’ and because America secretly loves tattooed alt girls, she wins her mid-western state’s competition. She goes to the national competition and actually starts to enjoy the competition, even making friends with some of the ‘vainer’ contestants. Before she realizes it, she has succumbed to legitimate acceptance of her ironic beginnings, and tries hard to win. Because she tries hard, she loses – America loves the classic under achiever (esp with tats) and the young Hipster Lady learns a valuable lesson: Never become emotionally invested in anything.