unpretentiousil-unpretentious

Hallelujah! Praise the lord himself, Charles Bukowski. There is a cure for Hipsters. There is a cure. DID YOU HEAR ME? WE CAN BE SAVED!

Hyper
Involuntary
Panic
Stress
Tension
Elevation
Response

Disorder

There’s a new drug on the market called ‘Unpretentiousil’, made with 50 mg of Dedouchefin, and it will cure all your had hipster tendencies.

Haven’t you always wanted to be a boring person who follows popular culture, listens to musicians that win Grammys, and watch sports as a hobby? This is your chance to become the cultural sheep you’ve always wanted.

Now available in 3 flavors: PBR, Natty lite (huh?), and soy.

Thank you scientists for saving us. We wouldn’t know what to do without you.

Netflix ruins date night

Chicky —  02/08/2013 —  Comments

Ever been on Netflix with a hottie and you’re trying to decide what to watch? Then, while scrolling through their ‘suggestions’, you realize that you gave your account info to your weird unemployed brother who has watched everything, including Thankskilling, Leprechaun 5: In The Hood, and all the Sharktapus Vs. movies? And then she’s all like ‘ew you’re not sophisticated, where’s all the Woody Allen and Wes Anderson that we had discussed on the way over here’?

Yeah. Well this clip from UCB shows how badly Netflix can fuck you over. It’s what you get for being cheap and not taking her out to a nice movie in a nice theater.

Phil Spector was a Billboard Top-100 producing powerhouse. He produced The Beatles’ Let It Be. He produced Plastic Ono Band, Lennon’s Imagine, Leonard Cohen’s Death of a Ladies’ Man, and Ramones’ End of the Century. But that all came to an end, when in 2009 (Wikipedia spoiler alert!) he was sentenced to 19 years for murdering actress Lana Clarkson.

Al Pacino is gonna kill in this role. (Pun attended.)

phil-spector-headWhat a fucking Jewfro.

//BrooklynVegan

Oh Lizzy Caplan. Jewish girls wanna be you. Jewish dudes wanna do you. It’s the circle of Jewish celebrity life.

In this Zoey Deschanel and/or Hipster fashionista mock-commercial, Caplan talks about who she is, the obscure things she loves, etc etc. She discusses vinyl records, old cameras, type writers, blogs, DJing – everything your friends who listen to Toro Y Moi and Bon Iver on repeat love.

I’m almost sad that this is a fashion commercial making fun of commercials, but it’s so fucking good I can’t help but love it.

Lizzy Caplan. You funny Shebro. Do my clothe shopping for me please?

The glorious time of year is officially among us again. Soon, we will be swamped with chocolates shaped like roses, huge fluffy stuff animals, and Groupons to swanky restaurants we normally can’t afford. 

Some dislike this holiday for reasons against consumerism, and forced romance, etc, but don’t fall into that snare. Any form of celebration is an excuse for a young hipster to drink profane amounts.  You have an excuse to get drunk. Take it.

Hipster Valentine

If the typical dinner/date is too mainstream for you there are always alternate options:

1. Galentine’s Day or Bro-entine Day-  Get with your ladies or gents  (or ladies and gents) and treat yourselves.

2. Valetine’s Day- Get employed with a buddy as a valet at a fancy restaurant on Valentine’s Day. Take all the money from your proceeds and buy an ung-dly amount of liquor. Proceed to party on.

3. Puppy/Kitty Party!- Go to an animal shelter and hang out with some cute puppies or kittens. Strays are also acceptable. Or your own beautiful animal puppies. But it’s good to see a different puppy face every once in a while.

4. CRAFT! When sad about your lack of love life: always listen to vinyls and knit. For some reason feeling like an old lady often makes one feel oddly better about their situation.

5. Organize a drunken Valentine’s Day-themed bingo game with your friends. Why not?

With these five options for fun how can you go wrong?

 

 

Admit it.

When you were in in your pre-college years,those cold and dark days when you chipped away at your fingernails and dyed a streak in the underbits of your angsty mane:

you TOTALLY went into your Green Day poster-covered room…

jumped on your race car bed…

and angrily shoved From Under the Cork Tree into your CD player or walkman.

Don’t act like you didn’t jam out to “Dance, Dance” in your best friend’s car on trips to the mall. Because you went to the mall. And you thought it was fun. Don’t lie to yourself.

Fall Out Boy

 

And you probably bought this poster there. At Spencer’s

I bring this up because Fall Out Boy has recently presented the world with a new album the kids call “Save Rock and Roll.”

“Woohoo!”, you think to yourself, looking over your shoulder to make sure no one saw you show any joy about such a silly pop punk band. “But I thought they broke up?”

Well you’d be a fool to think that. Pete, Patrick, Andy, and Joe have stated that they never actually broke up, they just you know stopped working together to instead produce solo music. LIke they weren’t in a band together per se, but they still made music.. But like, separately.

Whatever. the point is,  all I really want is that we get to be nostalgic about this really horrible but also catchy band with the advent of their new album.

Let us rejoice.

hipster-bloomberg

“I couldn’t disagree more violently with BDS, as they call it, boycott, divestment, and sanctions. As you know I’m a big supporter of Israel, as big a one as I think you can find in the city,” Bloomberg said.

But he added: “If you want to go to a university where the government decides what kinds of subjects are fit for discussion, I suggest you apply to a school in North Korea.” //nydailynews

*golf clap*

I’m not sure why so many Jews are for the suppression of speech. Sure it’s borderline hate speech, but it’s not like BDS even works. I know there is at least one BDS movement that refuses to buy Sabra hummus. Sabra is a US company. And how many hippie folks involved in BDS buy their own hummus? I mean come on. This is what the ADL wants to get rid of? The more people bitch about BDS, the more people try to kill off BDS, the stronger it gets. The smartest thing you could do is set up another conference right next door. But that’s too easy isn’t it?

Can’t we use these Sheldon Adelson and George Soros dollars for something more important?

Lena-Dunham-FirstTimeVote

Word broke out late last night that Lena Dunham wasn’t on the list of New Yorkers who voted. Some people consider this to be BIG since Lena made a video talking about her *first time* voting. This is all due to some internet snooping by the New York political blog Room 8.

At first I started to think about all the ways Room 8 was wrong. Did she have a second house? Was she voting with her old address at Oberlin? Maybe the voting roll was wrong? That’s totally possible. But then I read this Gawker article. And with it this tweet. Vote damn you vote!

“Big time?” What the hell does that mean? Ugh. She clearly didn’t vote. Now what are all those people Lena Dunham tried to convince to vote going to do? Can you become a born again voting virgin? Ugh, now all I can think about is how Lena Dunham didn’t vote in a state where her vote didn’t matter. I still don’t care about this at all.

UPDATE: Lena Finally woke up from her long slumber to find out she wasn’t on a piece of paper she shouldn’t have been on. She voted at her dad’s place. We’ll let you know when you need to invest any emotional interest in this story.

The Italians! The land of lovers. Something something wine and pasta. And now, lovers of Bukowski. Below are some amazing covers for Italian-translated Bukowski novels and poems. Needless to say, they have an air of ‘Dudeness’ to them.

bukowski_italian_cover

If the Dude had the $1,000 in his ATM for Bunny to suck his dick.

 

bukowski_italian_cover_3

My, he’s got quite a hose.

bukowski_italian_cover_4

Bukowski truly is our anti-super-hero. ‘MERRRICA!

More book covers at @ //flavorwire

x_wing_patent

Jews. Always getting around loopholes and loving pop culture. This is why you shouldn’t be surprised that a man named Avi Solomon just patented the X-Wing Fighter.

Okay. It’s a hypothetical patent. So it doesn’t exist and no one is trying to make X-Wing Fighters (yet). ALso, if you’re part of a rebel group, I don’t think you’d care to patent anything. You’re trying to survive, damnit.

Now let us pretend that it is the year 2457 and the country Israel sends out their patented X-Wings to save the human species from some awful God-hatin’ gay-lovin’ alien space-Nazis. All because of Avi Solomon.

That’s your nerd fantasy for the day.

//BoingBoing