Let’s not forget that SXSW is not just about wonderful indie bands, lots of drunk people and hipster dudes and ladies. It’s also about the local Texas musicians – the ones who deserve the spotlight at SXSW, the ones who allows so many guests into their home. Presenting SXSW 2013 – Texas Locals.


Sarah Jaffe

Since Sarah Jaffe performed at SXSW 2012, she has performed on Kimmel Live. Still just a bitchin’ babe.


Jess Klein

Jess Klein is a folksy singer-songwriter, originally from Rochester but now livin’ and lovin’ in Texas. She’s been playing for 10 years, has performed around the world, and has been to several previous SXSW showcases.

Catch her twice: March 12th 7:30 p.m. at the Hyatt Regency with the full band, and March 16th 1 a.m. at the Hilton Garden Inn.


My Jerusalem

We fucking love Jeff Klein and My Jerusalem. Don’t believe us? Check out all the posts we’ve written about them in the past couple years. They’ve played SXSW 3 out of 4 of the past years. They came out with a new album that we gave 4.5 Halls out of 5 Oates. Jeff Klein is the type of man that your mother could love but who you could still get too many whiskeys with.

You have 3 chances to see My Jerusalem, and they’re the type of band that you better see before they’re in SPIN or Pitchfork or whatever magazine is ‘hip’ these days:

10pm at Maggie Maes (Modern Outsider Management)

11pm at Hickory St (The End Records)

9am at the Four Seasons (KUTX/NPR Live from Four Seasons Ballroom)

IF there is only one band you see because of these posts, make it My Jersusalem.

Little New England, rich in liberals, somewhat heavy on the Jews. The perfect place to find some HJs @ SXSW. While many this year hail from Israel or NYC, let’s not forgot those little states in the northwest corner of the country. I happen to live in one New England state and was born in another, so these bands make me extra happy. Presenting SXSW 2013 – The New England Contingent:


David Wax Museum

David Wax Museum has musical roots in Mexico, the group hails from Boston, MA. They played SXSW 2011, and they’ve toured with the Avett Brothers and around the world. They’ve played PBS, NPR, and are comprised of David Wax, Suz Slezak, & Greg Glassman. Their fusion of Mexican folk and Americana pretty much make them NPR’s ‘next big thing’. And I can see why. Their song ‘Harder Before it Gets Easier’ is divine.

You have 3 chances to catch them: March 15 @ 2:30 p.m. at The Tap Room at Six, March 16th at noon at The Broken Spoke, and March 16/17th at 1 a.m. at the Victorian Room in the Driskill Hotel. If you don’t make it to one of these three shows, you are probably a hater of music.


Chris Cohen

Chris Cohen is a transplant from LA to Vermont. This is odd, mainly because most of the Jews up here in Vermont hail from Massachusetts, NYC, or somewhere in the Jerz. So it’s nice to see some more white people in this state. Chris Cohen is an incredibly talented musician with an incredibly long resume. His music contribution includes, as he states on his site: “The Curtains, Cryptacize, Deerhoof, and Natural Dreamers, he released 10 full-length albums between 2002 and 2008. Along the way, Cohen was also a touring player with White Magic, Cass McCombs, Haunted Graffiti and Danielson”. Cohen has done everything, and is now a man of solo musical means.

Below is Cohen’s delightful song ‘Monad’. He’s play March 14th at the Flatstock 38 Stage at 4pm, and the Urban Outfitter’s backlot March 16th, and The Parish also the 16th.


Golden Bloom

I’ve had the chance to see power-pop HJ-filled band Golden Bloom a couple times. Every time, Shawn Fogel has made me a happy man. You may have seen him once or twice as Neutral Uke Hotel.

Their newest song is ‘Flying Mountain’, and it’s another pop ballad to add to your iPhone rotation. You have four chances to catch them in Austin this year: March 9th at Rusty’s, March 14th at Hyde Park Bar & Grill at 5:00ish, March 15th at Shakespeare’s Austin, or also March 14th, TenOak at 7pm. Find the rest of their tour here.


Roz Raskin and the Rice Cakes

We’re big fans of Roz Raskin and the Rice Cakes, and not just because we went to high school with Roz in Rhode Island. They’re a very talented trio, headed by Roz, a tattooed sexy-voiced Shebrew vixen.

They’re playing March 15th @ The Vortex Theater, and probably a couple secret shows because that’s just how they roll.


A new two year old study out of the Public Religion Research Institute shows that Jews overwhelmingly support the legalization of same-sex marriages. Not only that, but Jews strongly support the legalization of same-sex marriages more than any other religious or unaffiliated group. It’s a proud day for the Jews!

Being a hipster Jew with a sick and dark sense of humor, Passover means only one thing: PLAGUES! The plagues kicks ass. I have big plans this year to make a plague wreath for my front door–a trip to the Dollar Store is in order to find something that resembles boils.

(Quick review, in case you were too in to your indie bands to remember all ten plagues: blood, frogs, lice, wild animals, pestilence, boils, hail, locusts, darkness, death of the first born.)



Well hipsters, hold on to your scarves: right in time for Passover, news outlets have been reporting swarms of locusts in Egypt destroying crops. IT IS COMING TRUE! G-d must be pissed. And apparently citizens have been burning tires in an attempt to deter the nasty pests from attacking crops. Well, hipster Jew friends, there is another plague: the tire smoke has been creating darkness! Let us explore some modern ways in which G-d has been attacking the world with the other plagues.

Blood: Well, this is easy. Just keep dumping nasty pollution shit in to bodies of water and before you know it fish will start stinking up the water and turn the water a nasty blood red. “You brought this one on yourselves, assholes,” snickers G-d from upon high.


I love the look on Lego Pharoah’s face. It’s like someone let out a nasty fart.

Frogs: I don’t know. For some reason a plague of frogs doesn’t sound all that bad. Unless they are those crazy poisonous frogs. I mean, if we got really lucky and the frogs were those ones that you lick and they got you high, I don’t see them as a terrible thing. So, bring it on.


Lice: I’ve worked many years in schools. The lice plague is alive and well and living in your second grade neighbor’s hair. Having thin hair my entire life has saved me from experiencing this plague, but my sister had lice growing up. Twice. Heh.

Image converted using ifftoany
 KELLY! (For the record, this is the worst South Park episode, tied with the Korn Halloween episode.)

Wild animals: G-d made animals go bat shit cray-cray on humans and other animals.  This plague too is alive and well, as I experience it all the time. I have three cats and let me tell you…those fuckers are mentally insane. Granted, they don’t  kill me, but they certainly have drawn blood, proving that if I owned a lion I would surely be dead. Domesticated cats are G-d’s modern bat shit crazy wild animal plague. I’ve got the scars to prove it.

wild animals
 My gorgeous Jezebel and I. Look at those eyes! She will kill a bitch without thinking twice about it and then take a huge shit in a newly scooped litter box. I LOVE HER.

Pestilence: Mad cow disease, anyone? Bird flu? Swine flu? Goat flu? Lion flu? German Shepherd flu? (I made those last three up…but goat flu sounds like something that could exist, no?)


Not going to protect you from a G-d created plague, people.

Boils: This one is easy. Once a month I develop boils on my face. I also produce a river of blood…but I digress.

boils Is there anyone more deserving of a plague?

Hail: Two words (names, really:) Sandy and Katrina.


Hail could kill a bitch.

Locusts: DONE. Thanks G-d…this one would have been hard to come up with.


Nice shorts, bud.


Darkness: done! Thanks tires!


The four horsemen of the Apocalypse?

Death of the first born: All you hipster shikshas and goys better watch your back. As I have shown, the ten plagues are alive and well. Gun control? More like plague control. Better paint your door post with lamb’s blood and hope that the world doesn’t go to shit as quick as it has been lately.


Why don’t we talk about the biggest indie bands today? Some of you ‘mainstreamers’ may need a reason to appreciate SXSW for what it is. So here are SXSW 2013 – The Main Acts:



Do you know WHY?? If you don’t then you should drop out of college and/or go back to college. You motherfucker. Hailing from Cincinnati, Ohio, WHY? is comprised of Doug McDiarmid and the Wolf brothers, Yoni and Josiah. Their infectious indie pop tunes, along with their talking lyrics/rap have made them a hit in the indie world.

No idea when they’re playing, but if you find out, spread the word!

Vampire Weekend

Anyone reading this site will know that Hipsters, even the ones who write and read this website, are split in the love/hate war about Vampire Weekend. If you don’t know Vampire Weekend, you may know their HJ lead singer, Ezra Koenig.

Here’s Vampire Weekend’s very famous song, A-Punk. Love ’em or hate ’em they aren’t going anywhere. They’re be playing tracks off their new album Modern Vampires of the City. Judge them in real time at Stubbs on March 16th.

Simon Rex

Who the fuck is Simon Rex will be a common utterance, if you were not watching tv in the 90s, or shitty comedies in the 200s, you may have missed him. He was on Felicity. He was a video DJ for MTV. He showed off his wang in some masturbation porn in the early 90s. And he was Eminem’s spoof character in the Scary Movie franchise. And now he’s playing some music at SXSW as rapper Dirt Nasty. I guess you could call him a rapper. I’d prefer to call him…a…master of the arts.

In the 1500s, during the Spanish Inquisition,  the inquisitors used to throw giant carnivals where they would go through the crows offering some tasty form of pork. If you didn’t accept the pork you were labeled as a Jewish or Muslim (too bad for you if you just weren’t hungry)  and were carted off to the torture chambers.  There, you were supposed to  start doing the Catholic thing or die. Or be eaten by vampires, which is what happens in True Blood.

These days, Spain is offering something else to Jews: citizenship. A return to good old mother Spain for those Sephardim who were expelled during the Inquisition.  Take that King Ferdinand!

King FerdiandDickhead.

Interestingly enough, back in the dizz-ay when the Jews were getting kicked out, the Turkish sultan was like “Yo, Ferdy, thanks for the acquisition of Jooz and the economic boost that comes with it.” And it happened; Spain’s economy fell apart while Turkey’s was enriched.   These days, Modern-day Spain with it’s failing economy decided it was time to get that money booster back.

Jews being useful. For money. It’s like our people are made to be the punchline in moderately offensive jokes that it’s only OK when we say.

For your viewing pleasure:


The Duckman —  03/06/2013 —  Comments

playboy israel

Young Israeli boys are now blessed with their first local Playboy (now in Hebrew!). You can read about local politics, what the cover girl likes to do on her Sundays, who the local football (or as us Angelos call is ‘soccer’) player is schtupping, and maybe they still have those weird dirty cartoons you can put up in your locker or something. I don’t know. I’ve never bought a Playboy.

Now here are a few lessons I’ve learned from people over the years who own porn:

  • Don’t hide smut under your mattress or under your bed. Too easy. Your mother probably changes your sheets. She will find it one day
  • Your sock drawer is also the wrong place. Again. Your mother probably does your laundry. If not, she likes to snoop in your room anyways.
  • If you go to a religious school, keep it with the Sefarim (Giant books of Torah and Talmud). I hear the Rabbis don’t check there for illegal things. So hide it between the pages of a Gemmara no one is going to read in 10 years.
  • Pro tip: This is also a good place to store your weed. Just make sure no one is stealing your goods.
  • If you don’t go to a religious school, hide it at your friends house. Honestly, you don’t need the embarrassment of having a smut magazine. He/She does.

Anyways, be safe and enjoy, little Israeli boys!

Dear G-d woman, I still want to HATE YOU and you’re making it incredibly, ridiculously, impossible to do so. How do you do it? Are you reading my mind? Are you Big Brother? That might not be possible.

Joanna Newsom

Recently, Joanna Newsom appeared in something yet again adorable, a hangout sesh in a closet with a lad named Mike O’ Brien who chats it out with cool famous people like Auntie Ellen DeGeneres, Jack Macbrayer, and Amy Poehler. I’m stoked.

And if it weren’t for my interested in her, I wouldn’t have thought of it. Thanks Joanna.

This Mike goy is awesome. Lil Newsom is adorable. Mazel tov, Andy. I might stop sending you threatening e-mails if she keeps this cuteness up. Maybe.

Probably not.

T Swift has taken the time to open up her big, dumb, mouth again but this time not for a song about a love interest. This time, she isn’t subtly mentioning famous men in her songs, she is instead UNSUBTLY ATTACKING THE TWO MOST FANTASTIC WOMEN on the planet.

Recently at the Golden Globes, host Tina Fey made a joke at Taylor Swift’s expense. It was hilarious. but T Swift, in classic stereotypical high school cheerleader form doesn’t have a sense of humour and responded badly. In an interview with Vanity Fair, she went as far as to quote Katie Couric saying,  “there’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.”

I know Swift is the voice of a generation and all (not mine), but what voice told her it was a good idea to insinuate in any way that Tina Fey and Amy Poehler deserve to be roasting on a special hellfire spit for being anti-women? Isn’t it clear by this point that these women are successful, strong women who have gotten where they are from helping and being helped by other women?

T Swift, I’d like you to think about something as you read this blog post, (an activity I know you must take part in before bed or you are unable to sleep). Hosts always make fun of celebrities at awards shows. Did the idea cross your golden brow that maybe you, by assuming you get special treatment because you are a woman, are being anti-woman? Or that it’s also sexist to assume that Tina and Any (as weak-willed women) would not be willing to make jokes about others?

Tina Fey Amy POhler

Beautiful and Hilarious no matter what the facial hair

I hope this  post doesn’t put me in women hell. But, let’s be honest, the young country music godde$$ clearly loves the attention of us hell wraiths. If she didn’t she wouldn’t she share important details about her personal life through song. Right?

Take a moment, and shut up, Taylor Swift. kthanksbye

Avi Avital

What a mensch Avi Avital is, the perfect man to start off out long list of SXSW 2013 – The Israelis (of course not including the HJ rappers of SXSW 2013, which you can find here.) Avi is a world renowned mandolinist. Here he is playing for NPR Tiny Desk Series. Try not to shed a tear for the old country. He’ll be playing March 13th at St David’s Bethell Hall, and is the only HJ classical musician we know about.


Are you into international metal music? Do you need an Israeli metal group to round out your list? Then Betzefer will solve it for you. Metal. Yeah. That’s all I’ve got, I know shit about metal.

Ester Rada

Ethiopian, Israeli and a mix of an eclectic fusion of music, coupled with a strong voice, makes Ester Rada quite the musical medley. I always say that Judaism is severely underrepresented by color, and here’s your chance to catch a very talented singer. Catch Ester at The Stage On Sixth Patio on March 16th.

Maya Isacowitz

Maya is a singer-songwriter in the mid-90s vein. Yes. She can be the Jewish Kibbutz-raised Alanis Morisette or Celine Deon or Jewel or whoever else was around in the 90s making emotional pop music. I just wanted to make an annoying ‘the Jewish ____’ comparison because it’s been a while since I’ve made one of those. But seriously, Maya Isacowitz’s voice is powerful and beautiful and her songs make me want to cry. Grrrrlll power!

Sarai Givaty

You may have seen Sarai Givaty before. On a magazine cover. Maxim. But she’s not just a hot Israeli model. She’s an Israeli actress in the show Pilot’s Wives. Oh, AND she’s a musician. Pretty much ‘the whole package’, to speak in the parlance of our times.

Rona Kenan

Rona Kenan is the third female singer/songwriter coming out of Israel. She has more of a Beatles’ folk influence to her music. The early 70s groove.

Kol Dodi w. Mika Karni

Kol Dodi is as Israeli of a band as you could imagine. All you need is to form a group full of Moroccan, Yemenite and Ethiopian Israeli Jews, and you have Kol Dodi. Prrrractically every Jewish group you can think of. Throw in Mika Karni, Shir Hashirim (song of songs) and it’s a fucking date. Catch them on March 13th @ 217 Congress Ave.

Ensemble Yaman

Ensemble Yaman is a group of Israeli musicians trying to revive and celebrate Jewish Yemenite music. Here’s a song below!

Zvuloon Dub System

“Zvuloon Dub System, Israel’s leading World-Reggae band, emerges from a multicultural middle-eastern music scene, singing in English and Amharic.”

Weed is a universal love, man. Zvuloon Dub System is for the Jewish stoners. Here’s them playing an appropriate – titled song, Going to Zion.