Duffman, meet your nemesis. Beer man. PBR beer man. A fat sloven man living in a college town whose job is to sit back and watch Hipsters and old poor people drink his beer. Pretty simple job, you’d think. That is until a terrible crime corrupts this small, idyllic town.
See, not everyone can live in ‘perfect College town USA’ like yours truly. We can’t all live surrounded by rich bros, crunchy pseudo-hippies, and snow-bros. Craft beer comes out of the faucet like flowing supple honey (that’s not a phrase…until now).
And in Lincoln, Nebraska, pop 260,000, some two-bit local news channel needs to pretend to film ‘real’ news. What does that entail? Some slob PBR distributor giving some alcoholic college kids free PBR because some asshole stole 1 (one) can of PBR. Not a case. Not a 6-pack of tall boys. A. Single. PBR. All for publicity and to prove a point: PBR cares. They want you to get hooked at 19 and die a liverless, sweaty drunken mess. All I know is that this SOB story has convinced me to throw out the Budweiser in my fridge.
Once again, PBR wins. Coors and Budweiser, you don’t stand a chance.