Now that Aly Raisman won, avoid your Masshole friends

Think she’d be willing to fill out a Who Wants an HJ?

Ugh. Thanks a lot Aly Raisman. I think it was just last week I finally was able to converse with my Jewish Masshole friends again without groaning and rolling my eyes like I needed an exorcism. To be precise, this all started in 2006. This was the year that Sacha Baron Cohen’s phenomenal movie Borat came out. And what did EVERY Jewish Masshole friend you knew brag about?

They wouldn’t shut up about how the Kosher Bed and Breakfast scene Borat went to was actually in Jewton, Mass. It was owned by a nice elderly Jewish couple. Blah blah blah blah movie facts blah blah blah. I get it. Massachusetts is a shithole. The last famous Jewish person to come out of Jewton Massachusetts was Eli Roth? B.J. Novak? Howard Zinn? Barney Frank? Isaac Asimov?

Well. I stand corrected. Brag on, Needham. You need all the Jewish celebrities you can get if you want to compete with the Jews over there in JEWTON. You know, the most Jewish place in the world outside of Israel, NYC, and Sharon MA.