I would like to thank everyone who came to our site yesterday to give our servers a contact high. Although, most of you were not mellow, I can’t get the smell of skunk weed and incense out of my hard drive.
Yesterday, Chicky ranted about an issue he had with Longboarders in his city. I thought it was a little too light on the humor and that he didn’t go far enough in his rant, but ya’ll proved me wrong.
Please stay with me on this. I know most of you can’t read by your reactions to yesterday’s post, but please try to get through this one even if you have to sound out all the vowels.
We had threatening comments, comments of support, and comments that compared disliking Longboarding to gassing jews in chambers. All and all it was a pretty good day. What many have failed to realize is that our blog is about satire, mainly through irony. An example of irony would be a bunch of people complaining that one shouldnt stereotype their subculture and then call another subculture a bunch of fags and stereotyping them. Oh wait….that’s hypocrisy. One of you Trolls telling someone else to stop trolling… Now that’s irony. So maybe you got us beat? But I think it’s time for me to be serious here.
Longboarders have many issues that bike riders have. You have careless riders that disobey the rules of the road. The fact that there are no rules makes everything even more tough. In Philadelphia, they wanted to fine bike riders for going over a 20 mph speed limit. They wanted license plates. They wanted $200 fines for wearing headphones while riding. Some of it might have been for good cause. But the root behind it was because bike riders were killing pedestrians because they blew through red lights. I have friends that have been hit by cars because they blew through red lights. Or hit because they were weaving through traffic. You can’t comprehend what it’s like to hit a 16 year old kid with your car. Mostly because none of you are old enough to drive. But your lack of realization about the issues of longboarding are jaw-dropping pathetic.
There are similar issues with Longboarding. But your attitude towards these issues is not “how can we make longboarding culture better? How can we make sure that there are safety regulations and proper laws allowing for safe riding?” Your attitude is more anti-authoritarian. You hate people telling you that are doing things wrong and dangerously. Mostly because many of you are still in high school, waiting for your trust fund checks to arrive. But also because you refuse to realize there are issues. And until you open yourself up to these issues and discuss them, you’re all a bunch of pricks. Stating that “just a few people ride dangerously” is absolute bullshit. I know many longboarders. More than half of them have been hit by cars. To start suggesting such is crap.
Chicky’s story about why he hates longboarders was a personal story that many of you did not like. The people from Burlington who commented on the post all agreed that the longboarders there were the reckless ones on the road. People who longboarded in Burlington also agreed that most of them were over-privileged kids that didn’t know how to go down a hill. $50 says they took a cab back to the top every time too. But your ignorance blinded you from the fact that maybe your friends are not perfect. Maybe everyone in your subculture is not the best thing since hot cakes. Maybe you contain subcultures within your subculture that have no idea what they are doing and are giving you an awful name. But you’re never going to be open about it. And you’re never going to talk about it. Which would still makes you pricks or whiny bitches. You choose.
I have a story of my own. I had a roommate. He was a longboarder. He used to wake me up every morning by jumping on me and humping me. You know how many times he cock blocked me? That guy is a prick.
P.S. If you’re going to comment on a blog telling them that they are insensitive to your feelings I have two suggestions.
1) Grab a tissue and wipe your vagina.
2) Don’t start making anti-semitic / anti-hipster comments to prove we didn’t hurt your feelings.