We made it to round two! This is so exciting. It’s like round 2 of a spelling bee, except I’m not dry heaving and my seventh grade teacher isn’t standing in the back of auditorium with a ruler hidden up her billowing black sleeve. But what could you your new lady tip be?
Heels are stupid. I mean…like not completely. They are also awesome. They make dem legs look gooooood, gurl. For the short girl, they make you normal human size, and for the tall girl they just accentuate those unnecessary long legs which are really not that big of a deal, OK?
The female leg looks good, the tuches looks good, and when wearing them doesn’t it make you feel like Cat Woman/Scarlett O’ Hara/Mia Thermopolis?
We’re sort of like twins.
Despite this inevitable hotness, heels can’t really be good for your feet as these incredibly large pictures of leg skeletons and other parts of the body from the Washington Post show. Posture gets screwed, bunions are created, and all sorts of nobbies and nibbies get all tightened up and uncomfortable.
So I propose a toast. And by toast I mean a lady tip. A lady tip for ladies.
Let’s not ban heels, because we all know what prohibition leads to. But let’s, perhaps, suggest, a world in which ladies only wear heels at schmancy events or if they really feel the need for some empowerment. For example, a job interview, or getting the rent in on time, or a really bad break-up with a serious lack of Nutella.
Keep your heels in a safe place, always close at hand. When you think you need some pediatric assistance, put those suckers on. If you have a long walk or just don’t generally want to destroy your frail little woman body, wear some flats.
It’s that simple.