Damnit, Jews! Why do you always gotta go and make stereotypes come to fruition. Nothing’s worse than Jew-on-Jew crime. Even black-on-black crime isn’t as bad (jk). But seriously. If you or one of your Jewish friends has stolen two Torah crowns from the Young Israel in Queens Valley, please return them immediately. Unless you’re gonna melt them down, I’m not really sure why anyone would want them. Suspect was seen wearing a yarmulkah, which should narrow it down to either a Jewish person or a non-Jewish person who owns a yarmulkah.
If you are in the Metro area and see someone wearing a yarmulkah, do not I repeat DO NOT hesitate to tackle them and make a citizen’s arrest.