Why am I the one who always has to ask the important religious questions?
Here’s what I know about Purim/Judaism.
1) It’s a mitzvah to have sex with your significant other on the Sabbath/holy days.
2) It’s a mitzvah to dress up and get drunk.
Therefore, it’s a mitzvah to dress up, get drunk, and role play with your lover in the bedroom, right?
Right. It is, Chicky. Because you are a genius.
How are you correct? Well sex toys are Kosher, as long as you ‘Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman’, or something. I think this means you’re supposed to treat the men you have sex with as equal, respectable partners, and continue to be a dick towards women.
Using the aforementioned logic, you and your lover shouldn’t dress as equals (even if you are in a LGBTQ relationship. It’s about the letter of the law, and not being practical about its interpretation, damnit!). No red and pink Power Ranger. No Mulder and Scully. Purim, like the rest of Judaism, is all about the power play dynamics. For your marital bliss, dear reader, I’ve therefore come up with a few Purim costume suggestions that could slip into the bedroom. BDSM encouraged but not required.
- ‘Naughty’ Jewish girl and the Modesty Police.
You be the dirty girl who needs to see the Modesty police for being ‘extra’ naughty.
- Mordechai and Esther
He’s the dirty uncle who doesn’t want King Achashverosh to marry you – as a virgin.
- Adam and Eve
Let’s be like adam and eve, but cover ourselves with sheets that have holes in them.
- Moses and a Jewess
I am Moses, I need you to part your legs.
- Joseph and the Angel
I’m Joseph. You be my angel. Let’s dirty wrestle. Naked
-Woman of the Wall and a Religious Rabbi
Wanna wear a Tallit? Then wear it naked, in my bed, and a halachically kosher pair, you dirty dirty not-as-religious-as-me Jew!