Today is a shining moment for Hipsterjew.com. We have been partially vindicated. We’ve worked weeks and years to take back the word ‘Hipster’, to have it mean more than ‘douchebag who dresses like they’re colorblind and drinks shitty beer’. And while we may still dress stupid, and drink crappy beer (only after we run out of microbrews), maybe we’re taking the word back. Hipster will one day be OUR word.
I, you’re humble editor and Hipster Jew, have won runner up of Burlington, Vermont’s alternative newspaper 7Days’, reader-voted award as ‘Hippest Hipster’. I’m not entirely sure what that means. But friends keep telling me it means that “I’m more hip than #1, because #1 is a try-hard, and everybody likes an underdog*.”
Which, I’m fairly certain, is the nice way of saying: First is the worst and second is the best.
DAMNIT MOM, DO YOU LOVE ME NOW!?!?
Also, I beat out Sen. Bernie Sanders, which will be the first and last time this ever happens. I don’t deserve it, but I’ll take it. I’ve been vindicated and now duped into believing I don’t waste my precious hours drinking heavily on this earth instead of drinking moderately while writing blog posts. Maybe one day I can be #1. Or I can atleast write more articles for VT’s #1 Hipster alt magazine, Thread.
Anyhow I just wanted to thank all of you who voted for me and made it possible for me to win this pointless award, but more importantly thank you for giving me something to write about. Today was a slow news day.
*Notably I’m still a terrible comedian. Inside sources say my reliance on fart jokes and Yo Mamma jokes are the cause for this mediocrity in the polls.