How to Look Cool at a Film Festival

So here you are. You’re at an independent film festival. This might be the most hipster thing you’ve ever done. You don’t want to be proud or excited by how awesome it is, because showing interest is lame, but you can’t really help it. Whence among these fellow art- minded hipsters, how do you not look like a hyper-excited idiot? Here are some tips for not looking a fool in front of your new-found buddies.

DO NOT express emotion at the films. A brief chuckle should suffice during a comedy. Never jump in shock or hide your face during a scary bit. You will be judged. And I won’t care because I WARNED you.

DO use terms such as “juxtaposition”, “cinema”, “avante-garde”, and “French New Wave”. Also mention filmmakers such as Kurosawa and Lars von Trier. Never say Kurosawa’s full name. or you’ll sound like an amateur.

NEVER use the term “movie”. It’s cinema, idiot.

DO NOT wear a beret. No one does that anymore. And if they do I hate them.

DO make snide remarks about continuity. Because it will be messed up in several scenes. Trust.

DO NOT make comments about how you could make the film better. There’s a way to be a hipster douche without being an unbearable hipster douche.  Furthermore, the filmmaker will hear you and they have been known to throw elbows.

Berets. Always weird.

If you go to a festival and don’t follow my advice, do not mention you know of me or are affiliated with Hipster Jew in any way. We will find out and deny the shit out of your existence.