Jewish Hipsters (and wannabes), we have a new colony to settle. In a reverse historical fashion, we need to take over a small settlement in ye olde Londontowne. There are various reasons for this, mostly having to do with attractive young lads and a large quantity of highly alcoholic beers and ciders. However, the little tidbit that takes it over the edge is the fact that our second cousins across the pond are installing eye-level traffic lights for bikers.
These traffic lights are poached from the Dutch and would “be staggered to give bikes a head start.” Considering everyone here drives like they’re completely pissed from several pints of cider and 9 people were killed in bike-related accidents this year, it sounds pretty downright groovy if you ask me. Everyone says groovy here. Trust me.
They also all dress like this. England is still in the 60s. Fact.
If you are a biker (and not a pussy), you run red lights. With my plan of colonization, you can move to London and do it without getting hit and dying! Or, we can all move to Dutchtown, where they got the idea. But those losers used a little boy’s finger to save their society, so I’m going to cross that off the list.
See you guys soon! London 2012. First person to come who happens to have Mexican food gets to be the mayor of HipsterJewtown.