By the way, the Wikipedia entry for that movie features the most overwrought thing I’ve ever read in a Wikipedia movie summary:

They kiss. It is true love, and it conquers all: Phil is surprised as snow begins to fall, which is a departure from his recollection of the day’s events. They retire together to Phil’s room, and he wakes the next morning to find the time loop is broken; it is now February 3, and Rita is still with him! Phil is jubilant. After they go outside into the freshly-fallen snow, Phil lifts Rita over the gate as if over the threshold into a whole new life, and floats the idea of the two of them living on in Punxsutawney.

Ahahaha! For me it's only been a single day, so you're coming on WAY too strong! Ahahaha!

Anyhow, this week, after watching some of the hullabaloo surrounding the events in Punxsutawney and the town’s eponymous groundhog’s, Punxsutawney Phil, prediction, I’ve come to the conclusion that all of this is probably a huge load of bullshit.

I know, it's shocking–how can that many guys wearing top hats be wrong?

And it’s not that Phil predicted we’d have a long winter again this year, or that he has a 39% lifetime accuracy rating even considering that his lifetime has been 122 years, vastly exceeding the record setting 14 year lifespan achieved by a groundhog in captivity.

Seriously, if he's 122 then he should be riddled with tumors.

No, what convinces me that Phil is a fraud, sent here to bilk the American public out of their hard-earned hope for spring is that there are over thirty different groundhogs that make a weather prediction on February 2nd. Seriously, here’s a list. And, yes, most of them have delightfully cute alliterative names like “Balzac Billy” and “Chattanooga Chuck” but that doesn’t excuse the single fact that comes out of there being so many different groundhogs: they don’t agree with each other. In fact, by my count, Phil is in the minority, as only nine other groundhogs predicted the continuation of winter. Twenty-seven predicted an early spring.

And that puts me in a dilemma: do I trust Phil, who is the most famous groundhog celebrity, but who has a shitty accuracy rating, or do I trust someone like General Beauregard Lee, who seems to be named for two Confederate Civil War generals and yet apparently has a stunning 94% accuracy rating (but apparently dropped the ball on the 1993 Storm of the Century)?

So that’s why I’ve settled on the far more reliable methods of weather prediction available to humans living in the modern age: reading tea leaves.

Oh, "broken gate with a cross above it" in the center. Looks like it's gonna rain fire again.

*by the way, and I’ve never heard anything on this before, but I’m guessing that unless you’re Catholic or Lutheran, you probably shouldn’t be celebrating Valentine’s Day, as it’s a Saint’s Day. That just occurred to me while writing this post. Anyone who has done so is probably going to hell or whatever happens when you violate your religious precepts (that’s right, I just used “precepts.” Look it up if you have to). So, this Valentine’s Day, I refuse to buy my one true love chocolates or flowers or romance her in any way, lest I damn her immortal soul. And yes, in an unrelated note, it is looking like I’m going to be spending Valentine’s Day alone.

So, a recent Facebook posting of a photo drew a number of Irish commenters, and I am nothing if not a panderer to foreigners. Closer inspection makes me think this large number of Irishmen and Irishwomen is probably due to Mikvah McElroy moving to Ireland for a while (you dogs). So, for this HepCat Reviews, I’ll review Limerick, Ireland, where I stayed for a couple of days back in the later winter of 2010 (according to my passport).

Limerick may not actually be like this.

I put this picture up there because it’s deceptive. Most Americans are exposed to Limerick (if exposed at all) through Angela’s Ashes; Frank McCourt’s endearing tale of bleakness, grit and alcoholism. And, frankly, Limerick itself is not really helping shake that impression. I was staying with a friend at the University of Limerick, which, like many universities and colleges around the world that say they’re from a city, is actually sequestered away from the rest of the city. She, of course, had class, so I went into Limerick to spend the day.

The first thing it should be noted is that Limerick takes perhaps one of its most interesting landmarks, that castle up there (known as King John’s Castle, after King John of Robin Hood fame), and turns it into a piece of shit. That castle has a ton of history, most notably being where the goddamn Wild Geese left Ireland (the last Irish to resist William III). But when you get there, thinking “fucking awesome, a castle!” you find out that really, it’s just three or four rooms spread out over a castle. Including a movie room, showing the Epic History of King John’s Castle, complete with actors in period costume acting woodenly in front of a back drop.

Just a ways away from the Castle is the Customs House, now an art museum. I didn’t mind it, the art was nice. What I did not need were the two museum lady tour guides who showed me around the entirety of the museum, telling me about certain art pieces, guiding me away from others, arguing with each other, commenting on how “very Irish” the sky in this painting was. In all honesty, it was my fault for doing two things; firstly, entering a museum in the middle of a working day; and secondly, saying ‘yes’ to the guided tour. I hate guided tours, and my brain unfortunately was not fast enough to catch up to my mouth, which has a tendency to say “yes” to free things.

My favorite landmark in Limerick. I liked the Mauser, and it was in Gaelic, so I couldn't understand any of it.

Walking along the Shannon river eventually led me to a park made entirely out of brick (I’m not making that up). In it, Polish teenagers drank vodka. I believe it was around 2:00 PM or so. I don’t know when Limerick schools let out, nor when schools in Poland do, but I think it’s safe to say that letting them out to drink vodka. Unless, you know, it’s learning life skills, because knowing how to take a shot is a skill which is useful the world over.

All that said, the Irish truly are a lovely bunch of people. I spent a lot more time in London, and I’ll say that between the two, I don’t understand why America’s got a “special relationship” (sounds like a Facebook update doesn’t it? Kelly and Peter are now in a special relationship) with the UK. We’re far more closer, temperamentally, with the Irish.

There was one very cool thing I saw. The University of Limerick’s “Living Bridge”. Now, if just those two words are in your head, you might think, “oh, like some kind of bridge made out of living plants or something.” It wasn’t that. It was a bridge, that lit up at night. Very prettily. Also, at one end, someone or something had taken a shit.

UL's Living Bridge, shot from the bottom, possibly to hide the shit.

Get in your way-back machines for a visit to the mid-2000s. Back then there was a heavy metal band called “The Darkness” that was an incredibly spot-on ironic tribute to the metal bands of the seventies. They had a strong hit with “I Believe in a Thing Called Love” that was featured in that one movie where Elisha Cuthbert plays a porn star before her career was exposed to too much sunlight and promptly crumbled into dust (who would have thought it would be so trashy?). Then, after a not-so-great second album, much like the 70s metal bands they were portraying, The Darkness split up when their lead singer had a totally unironic run-in with cocaine addiction.

But now Justin Hawkins (that lead singer) is out of rehab and has reunited with the other three original members of the band: brother Dan, Ed Graham, Frankie Poullain to release a third album, of which the above video is the first single to come off it.

Rock on.

(via The A.V. Club)

What better way to pick up cute hipster chicks than knowing about your bike?

What’s his angle? I didn’t click the link (because I’m not a rube, sap, sucker, etc). But It’s not like Adam Levine has done anything useful in the past few years. I think Marpoon 5 came out with a new album in the past decade or something? Last time I heard, after he sang that song with Kanye he became addicted exclusively to Dom Perignon and Kraft cheesesticks. He had reached the pinnacle of his otherwise depressing, mainstream career, and had nothing left to look forward to.

So what if adults have ADHD? I’ve survived 22 years without being medicated. And look at me! I have a marginally successful blog! My creative juices are all the jucier because of my distrust of the medical community. So go screw off Adam Levine, you soul-selling dirtbag.

Have you used ADHD medication ‘recreationally’?
Are you concerned that vaccines will give the gov’t the ability to listen in on your thoughts?
Should all babies be aborted, all children medicated, and all elderly ‘put out to pasture’?

Jeff “God” Mangum will be playing a show in Dublin on March 7th. The show is and has been, of course, sold out for months (since he postponed the show last November). There is a .00000003% chance that if I go into Dublin at 6AM the day of the show and stand outside of the venue, I might be able to score a scalped ticket for upwards of 50 Euro. Which is like $75.

I know exactly what you are thinking HJ’s. Sell your clothes, sell your Mac, sell your engraved candlesticks given to you by your Bubbe, but for G-dsakes get to that concert.

Here’s the thing though: I was planning on going to Poland to take a Holocaust Tour and pay my respects. Which is going to cost not too much more than 50 Euro, what with their Zloty being the equivalent of pig-shit.

I am completely stymied as to my course of action. This is truly a case for HipsterJew. Follow Our Reverend Father Mangum and probably weep from happiness, or go to Poland and just weep?

I’ll try Anne, I’ll try

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post’s poll.

I bet after this video, people are going to say things like:

That Aubrey Plaza, she’s so edgy.
I wish Aubrey Plaza would come to MY funeral.
I bet Aubrey Plaza goes to funerals to pick up tail.
She’s so edgy she will wear black everywhere EXCEPT for a funeral, because black is so passe.
Her Hipster glasses are so hawt.
Dancing with lamps is so original and trend-setting.
You don’t understand it because you don’t “get” art.

Do you think Josh Tillman is the next Jeff Mangum? Only time will tell. But I’m sure April Ludgate would hope so

Hi, I’m Newt. I bet you can’t save my marriage.

// Little known fact: Blue Ranger is gay. Probably why he wouldn’t shake Newts hand…

(Click Below for Song)

Most people are thinking “How bad could it be if before, he had 95%?”. It’ll be interesting to hear a 100% Jack White record, though I’d rather he hire Zack Starkey and Pino Palladino as a backing band then do an album of T-Bone Walker and Lightning Hopkins covers. But that’s just me. ‘Cause I know the Black Keys are sadly past their Delta cover days.

The NYtimes has actually ‘discovered’ a trending new sport that nobody gives a shit about! Sounds like Hipsters can rejoice and join in en mass. Just watch out! It’s Canadien. And called Wall Trampoline. Bitches love jumping on their tramps.

The vertigo-inducing activity, performed here at Quebec Circus School, a training program for the circus arts, is known as wall trampoline. Part gymnastics, part parkour, it is a nascent sport that has few participants — they call themselves bouncers — and a rule book that is still being written. But the inventors of wall trampoline, toiling in the chamber of the repurposed church, have big plans for it.

Add 1 part gymnastics, 1 part parkour, and 1 part total BADASS. These bouncers don’t NEED NO RESPECT.

To demonstrate, Roberge hurled himself off the top of the wall, executing one and a half flips and a full twist before bouncing off the trampoline below and using the wall to propel himself upward into a double flip with a triple twist. Each bounce brought its own percussive whoomp that echoed through the building. // Nytimes

The article goes on to discuss how Wall Trampoline is such a niche sport that was only a sparkle in some young man’s eye, has about 40 members, and should spend endless years being juggled around obscure parkour blogs before it get’s a small piece in Rolling Stone. THEN and ONLY then should the NYTimes decide to give a shit about this sport.

And by that point, Hipsters will move on to some other shitty, insignificant sport. I’ll await in hushed anticipation.