On Saturday, I’m moving to Israel for months. I’ll be teaching English and living near Tel Aviv most of the time I’m there. Initially, it sounded pretty cool, as it was a chance to both sponge off my parents and wear layers of sunscreen to maintain my perfectly untanned body.
However, the more I reflected, the more I began to panic. There is so much about Israel I don’t know, for example do they have PBR? Are my favorite indie bands mainstream there? Where can I buy vintage tees? Are skinny jeans appropriate attire for the desert? Will I find love? Will I get crabs?
I have three goals while abroad: 1. Avoid almost certain death, 2. Remain cynical and indifferent in the face of almost certain death, and 3. Learn to speak Hebrew.
Who cares knows, only time will tell. Don’t worry though, I’ll continue reporting the minutia of my daily life, including periodic updates on my terrible bowel condition and the numerous dry movements it produces. Peace out America, stay drunk and I’ll see you in 2012.
A little cliche going away music:
05/17/2013 Randy Hampton — Are you an idiot? Well, yea you already answered that. Label people racist lol. And I'm going...
05/17/2013 Lainna Cohen — so much for loving kindness....what is sad is that people will take this to mean that this is how...
05/16/2013 cole — NOT FUNNY
05/16/2013 Karl — how long before Huma ditches this dude?
05/15/2013 Double Sunday — I don't know what to say other than that's not a good look for us.