On Saturday, I’m moving to Israel for months. I’ll be teaching English and living near Tel Aviv most of the time I’m there. Initially, it sounded pretty cool, as it was a chance to both sponge off my parents and wear layers of sunscreen to maintain my perfectly untanned body.
However, the more I reflected, the more I began to panic. There is so much about Israel I don’t know, for example do they have PBR? Are my favorite indie bands mainstream there? Where can I buy vintage tees? Are skinny jeans appropriate attire for the desert? Will I find love? Will I get crabs?
I have three goals while abroad: 1. Avoid almost certain death, 2. Remain cynical and indifferent in the face of almost certain death, and 3. Learn to speak Hebrew.
cares knows, only time will tell. Don’t worry though, I’ll continue reporting the minutia of my daily life, including periodic updates on my terrible bowel condition and the numerous dry movements it produces. Peace out America, stay drunk and I’ll see you in 2012.
A little cliche going away music: