Cee Lo Green + Daryl Hall = Hipster Wet Dream

My coworkers always come to me looking for help solving their math problems. “If I drink 4 cups of 16 oz coffee how buzzed will I get and for how long?, they ask me.” Or sometimes they wonder, “If my boyfriend drinks 6 beers a night and each costs $2.25, when can I grow the spine to kick him out of the house?” Like I’m supposed to have all the answers or something?!?!? Because I do.

I’m really just glad that upfront, before they pester me, my coworkers admit the reason they ask for my math expertise is because I’m not Asian. Which might be racist? Should I feel honored that they think Jews are similar to mathematical life/spiritual leaders who can answer any hypothetical word problem? Why else would they ask me how to solve math problems?

Anyhow, my math skills are impressive. Like, to brag AND make an important point, I took calculus in college. Impressive. I know. No one outside of engineers or math majors takes calculus in college unless they’re fucking nerds. Which I’m NOT. But I was all like ‘pshaw, I’m paying for this over-priced bourgeoisie liberal arts education, I want to be challenged for 2 hours a week for 1 semester out of 4 years of higher education.’ I mean, I’m paying money to challenge myself and learn! It’s not like the internet can help me learn important fake-life skills like calculus…

Which leads me to my conclusion: Cee lo and Daryl are hetereo life mates who happened to be born a couple decades apart. Playing at Live From Daryl’s Houseis the biggest compliment a musician could get. It’s like what getting punk’s by Ashton Kutcher meant for that first celebrity he punk’d, except 1034.58 Xs better than that

Recently Cee Lo Green joined Daryl Hall for a soulful rendition of ‘Fuck you’. Needless to say, having these two vocal powerhouses singing together may be the closest we humanity will ever come to attaining world peace. Never again will mother Nature, father God, and baby Jesus look down upon us measly humans and smile. Not some dick-headed Dane Cook smile. A real loving smile, one that you would expect from parents who are supposed to give their love unconditionally, except instead they’re egomaniacal and petty and make all these stupid rules about not eating people.

Listening to Cee Lo and Daryl duel it out makes me wish there was a reality show with Hall and Green. The premise would be that Daryl Hall gets into a spat with John Oates and so Daryl is all like “F-You, I’m gonna find another black man to replace you in the duo”. And then Cee Lo appears out of his leprechaun pot of gold at the end of a 1980s Village People rainbow out of his Ninja Turtle hideout and Daryl is all like ‘boo-yah!’ or whatever the ‘hip’ phrase to say was in the 80s. Then they start performing together, they get picked up by a national record executive, and before you know it they are performing their own version of The Voice, but it would be awesome and less corporate (ha!). Then Daryl remembers the good times with John, and they come together on the show a la Krusty the Clown and his father, and then they tour again and never leave eachother ever ever. EVER.

I guess we all gotta dream of a Hall and Oates reunion. Or a Hall and Oates buddy cop movie. Preferably the latter.

Although I can’t really grade this song with our typical grading system, I’m giving this video 4 Halls out of 5 Oates. Mostly because Cee Lo is only 2/3 of the man John Oates is and will always be.