Yep bonerz, they’re coming up. You know you gotta do something (this is a great opportunity for free food), but where? The High Holidays are not something to mess around with. Make sure you pick a good place. Location is key.
Location, Location, Location!
Grandma’s House is a solid choice. You know she makes the best brisket. Don’t fight it. This is one of the few chances of the year you can actually eat as much as Grandma wants you to eat without feeling bad about it. It’s what G-d wants you to do. And your Mother.
However, there will be a bunch of awful cousins who you really don’t want to listen to as they go on and on about good ole Hillel/sorority/Birthright experiences. And uncles who will tell you to get a job and save money and not understand your lifestyle choices. And your parents will inevitably be there asking you about your latest boyfriend/girlfriend and is that tattoo really real?
The Pa-rental’s House See above statement about latest boyfriend/girlfriend and tattoos.
A Sibling’s House Depending on how old your siblings are will be a key indicator about how good this place will be. If they have a bunch of wee babes running around and you
are a monster don’t like adorable babes, don’t go. If they have cool friends, go. If they’re going through a weird raw diet or something, don’t go.
Your Jewish Friend’s House could be pretty cool but it could also be pretty freaking weird. Let’s divide this one into types of Jewish friend categories:
- The one with the chilled out hippy parents- May end up with pot brownies for desert and weird vegan dishes
- The one with the neurotic Jew parents- The whole thing is going to look beautiful and taste great but it will end up being super stressful and awkward especially when you break the platter that someone’s Grandma smuggled through the Swiss Mountains on their escape from Austria to America.
Pray they’re like this. But not too much like this.
Your local Hillel Do you really want to be that kid who either has no friends, lives too far away from home, or whose parents just don’t care about them? No. No you don’t.
Do it Yourself You could potentially have a potluck with all your Jew and non-Jew friends. It could be a good time. Maybe. Or maybe all your friends suck at cooking and your goyish friends will be dicks. Anything’s possible.
No matter what you do, always remember, everybody dies alone. So you may be eating dinner with friends/family/family friends, but someday you’ll be seeing that light flash and know that this is the end and you are alone.
Sleep well, babies.