Well, maybe if they had been smart enough to do that, they also would have been smart enough to prevent Facebook from stealing 99.99% of their user base… (cue the X-Files theme music) and we’d be living in an alternate universe where Myspace remained the dominant social network. Scary…

However, no one did connect the dots, so this feature is launching in 2012, not 2005. In a world where there already exists Spotify, Last.fm, Pandora (internet radio based on user-generated musical algorithms), mumuplayer, Reddit Radio, stickam and IRC modded chat (programs or websites specifically allowing the user to DJ a radio station for everyone else present). So… why is Myspace bothering with this? Even if they manage to create an interface or experience better than all of the alternatives, still no one will use it because it’s based on fucking Myspace. Maybe they should put the damn thing out of its misery, like Old Yeller.

Or maybe not. Then I wouldn’t have Myspace (and Rupert Murdoch’s ill advised purchase of Myspace) to kick around like a piece of dirt anymore every time I need a cheap laugh.

This article might get Myspace Radio taken off the air before it even gets there.

And now I can use my Twitter regularly and The Duckman will stop calling me a ‘technologically out of touch hack”. I’ll reach atleast 100 twitter friends. And then they’ll see who is laughing. Oh they’ll see all right.

I can organize my life with my phone. For example, I opened up my ‘notes’ today and wrote down “I have an iPhone and I am finally not a loser”. And then I slightly modified the title to what it is now.

Sure, it may be a 3GS phone. But a 3GS phone is better than a piece of shit flip-phone circa 2005. UGHHH How did I ever have friends before this?!?!?!

Oh, and I instragramed a picture of myself that looks like it was taken for Myspace. If Myspace was invented in 1886! Sha-Zah!

Over at Cracked.com, Robert Brockway has a pretty funny overview of Skryim‘s freedoms. One of the things he contends is that, because the game doesn’t tell you when to do what, it can leave you stranded without an objective. But I’d argue that, if you set your own objective, this is when the game hits its stride. So, what I’ve got below is my thought-log as I play a small section the game. Normally, this might be called a “Let’s Play” and involve a youtube video I narrated as I played the game, but you don’t have two hours to blow watching as I play through a game. So I’ve just typed what I was thinking.

Before I start, I want to explain a couple of things. Firstly, this wasn’t even an explicit quest by the game. This is part of a goal I set for myself. Second, all that goal was was that I wanted to mine a very specific type of ore to make a very specific type of armor so I could fight things on quests better. Thanks to the Internet, I learned that there was a small community of orcs who had a mine rich in the stuff. So I wanted to go to that mine. This is what happened:

• Fast-travel to the nearest city.
• Walk towards where I think the orcs are.
• These miners say one of the mines is overrun with bad guys. They want me to clear it out. Well, fuck that noise.
• I can never tell if I’m heading where I should be on these roads. I wish the middle ages had had better signage.
• A “pit wolf” is attacking me? What the hell is a pit wolf?
• Whatever it is, its dead now. Alex – 1, woodland creatures – 0
• Hey, a dead guy!
• Oh, it was his pit wolf…
• Whatevs, I can see the orc stronghold from here. See you round, dead guy!
• The orcs won’t let me in because I’m not an orc. (Almost everyone in this game is racist)
• Oh, they say I can get in if I bring them an item.
• Fast travel to the nearest location I’ve discovered.
• Oh, an abandoned tower. I should explore–no, no…I need to stay on task.
• Ooooo…lavender. I can put you in soup. Or a potion. *pick*
• I wonder if I can jump down this sheer cliff. It’d save me a lot of time.
• No. No, I cannot. And now I’m trapped halfway down.
• Fast travel to abandoned tower.
• I’ll go a different way.
• Cave bear! Eat mace (the crushing one, not the thing you spray on OWS protesters), Cave bear! Alex – 2, woodland creatures – 0
• I could jump down the cliff from here.
• Phew, that worked.
• Hey, another tower. I should explore…
• Badguys! With arrows! Run!
• Run! Run! Oooo…mountain flowers…*pick*…Run! Run!
• Note to self: after I get that armor, come back to that tower and kill all of those assholes.
• Hey, I can see the place the orcs wanted me to go. It’s a dungeon. I suppose I should go in.
• Look, it’s another adventurer surrounded by a bunch of dead huge spiders. What’s up dude? Orcs being racist to you to0? What? You’re leaving? You can’t handle a little giant magic spiders?
• What a pussy.
• Logic puzzle involving pulling a bunch of levers that open a series of bars. I need to get them all open at the same time. I hate this shit. I’m just gonna pull levers at random until it works. There’s only four. That means there’s only, like…let’s do some math here…24 combinations. Fuck.
• Well, that didn’t take long.
• Wow, there’s a lot of spiders in here. A lot of now dead spiders (Alex – 10, woodland creatures – 0)
• Hey, is this guy is talking to himself? He doesn’t know I’m here. It sounds like he’s experimenting on the spiders. I’ll go ask him.
• Whoops, he’s hostile. Eat mace, weirdo!
• I should loot his corpse, you know, just in case.
• He was talking to spiders, not himself. I don’t know if that makes him more or less crazy. Well, I kill these spiders, too (Alex – 13, woodland creatures – 0)
• Hey, he had the doohicky the orcs wanted. Finished that. Now how to get out of here…I’ll go this way.
• Whoops! Even bigger magic giant spiders!
• Haha, stupid spiders can’t get through the door. I’ll just shoot them with arrows from here. Alex – 15, woodland creatures – 0. When does the mercy rule kick in?
• Okay, I’m out. Fast travel to orc stronghold. No one’s guarding the door. I guess I’ll just walk in and talk to the chief.
• I know I’m not supposed to be here, orc lady. I’m trying to talk to the chief so he’ll let me be here. Please shut up.
• Hey, chief, I got–who’s screaming like that? It sounds like a cougar, but bigger.
• Shit! Dragon! Run, everyone!
• Ow! Ow! Ow! Fire! Where’s my bow? I’m gonna kill this thing.
• Haha! Die you stupid flying fire lizard!
• Oh boy, the chief caught on fire just as we killed the dragon. I hope he’s alright…no. He’s dead. I failed the quest.
• Reload the most recent save (right before I entered the stronghold)
• I’m not sure the dragon will appear again. It’s a random event. Just in case, I’ll do this all really fast. Open door, shut up lady, hey, chief–damn! Dragon!
• Goddammit, chief. You’re dead again. Why are you so goddamn flammable? Reload save.
• Okay, this time it’s just me and you, dragon. Man to ma–dragon.
• Alex – a gazillion, woodland creatures (including dragon) – 0!
• Okay, now I’ll go talk to the chief. SHUT UP, LADY. Hey, chief, found your shit. Weirdo with some spiders had it. I never learned what exactly he was up to. He’s dead now.
• Sweet, I’m now allowed into orc places. That’s cool. They just told me where the others are. I wanna go check them out!
• Fast travel!

So, even though I didn’t get my armor (eventually, I did remember why I’d wanted to join the orc society and then I got my armor. And then I went back to that tower with the assholes in it…) I still managed to have a ton of fun, including fighting a dragon–which, by the way, is a completely unscripted event for the “find thing for orcs” quest. So, yeah, Skryim. Not much more to say then “hell yeah!”

My dad refuses to buy me an iPhone. #whitepeopleproblems
My dad refuses to buy me a data plan. #firstworldproblems
My dad once considered changing our service from T-Mobile to even shittier Boost Mobile. #WTFthisaintno3rdworldshit

And then I read about this even shittier phone service. Shittier than T-mobile. Worse than Lo-jack. A little better than prepaid Walmart cell phones. Ugh.

With a $19/month price tag, the tech-blogger masses have decided that this phone will be the one to lure cell phone users away from overpriced Verizon and AT&T contracts. “This really could be disruptive, and while I think it might take some time to pick up steam, the $20 monthly price point has a very broad appeal,” writes TechCrunch’s Jason Kincaid.

The phone really is as cheap as it sounds. It is $19 a month for everything (not including a $199 phone). Republic Wireless only has one cellular option, The LG Optimus, running Android 2.3 (Gingerbread), which, Kincaid assures, is a “solid low-end device.” (Pic and quote from Atlantic Wire)

Suddenly, a moderately priced cell plan with unlimited texting, no data, decent (if not sometimes spotty) coverage, and a flip phone doesn’t sound TOO bad. Man I need to grow up like the Duckman and pay $120 a month already.

This seems…confusing. Jews don’t go to war. We’re the ones behind the scenes funding it, profiting from it. But Jews do love simulated war. There are so many Jewish bros out there who love Call of Duty: Modern Warfare and the Battlefield franchises. And Jonah Hill’s stoner appeal, slimmed good lucks (possible JILF material?), and penis jokes totally appeal to the bro crowd. I haven’t played the new Battlefield 3, but I know for a fact that Modern Warfare has their advertising game on lockdown. Now if only they’d throw in some Natty…

Now, obviously, what with six steps to running, this is five steps more complicated than walking, which has only one step (Step 1: walk), which could hurt its chances of becoming our default mode of movement, as Americans are a) fat, and thus produce more drag than other, more starved, human beings, and b) lazy.

Of course, it could all end in tears as I’ve heard rumors of a new form of travel that’s even faster than running and allows you to do it while sitting down and staying indoors…it’s called “driving.”

If this isn’t the fixie throne fit for a Hipster King, then I don’t want to continue wearing skinny jeans. Either way, if anyone has the incredibly rare Pavement’s 1989 record Slay Tracks: 1933-1969, I will buy it off them in hopes of leveraging it for this bike. Then I will precede to play my Talking Head’s Stop Making Sense via wheel-player, as I ensure that this bike’s wheels continue to move at a steady 33 RPM, in order to receive the true David Byrne experience.

WIN


(Picture via Flavorwire)

I feel left out. Although part of me feels like I haven’t sold out to “new, contemporary ideas”. I still feel retro. But possibly out of touch. I just want to be “cool and original.” Why is it so hard?

Are we retro, or are we the kid in the front of the classroom that has bad B.O.?

This bike is made from the best stuff on earth, the shit that satellites are made from. I need this fixed gear so that me and my indie film friends can recreate that scene from E.T. where the little girl flies past the moon with E.T. in her basket. But in MY recreation, I’m going to use my pet cat Rodrigo instead, and I’ll be dressed in 19th century clothing. It’s meant to signify the duress and problems that Hipsters have been facing in this devastating economy.

AND the bike is supposedly environmental friendly. I’m such a good person.

More @ Inhabitat

That Hipster/Alt hotel is called Ace Hotel. The website alone is artistically appealing.

Not only do the Ace Hotels in Portland and NYC have Google Chromebooks for every room. Now they have Polaroid cameras, the preferred cameras of 5 out of 6 Hipsters!

So if you are a wealthy Hipster with ca$h monies, and are planning on vacationing in 1 of 4 stereotypical vacationing destinations, then Ace Hotel is the Hipster Hotel for you.