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On New Year’s Eve in Manhattan, Kansas, or “The Little Apple” as it is affectionately known, the citizens and students hip enough to not go home for the holidays gather on the corner of Manhattan Avenue and Moro Streets in Aggieville to ring in the new year. Aggieville is a really adorable part of town full of collegey gift shops, restaurants, and bookstores, so named because of the agricultural school at Kansas State University. One minute before midnight, the locals, led by Kansas dignitaries count down until their “ball” a paper-mache apple falls to the ground, There is a laser show, a DJ, and a full-on block party.

Manhattan is a small college town. Everybody seems to know each other. Kids grow up in Manhattan, go to college in Manhattan, get jobs in Manhattan, and raise their families in Manhattan. But despite this or perhaps because of it, the town is quirky and has a lot of character. I tell you about the “apple-drop” in Manhattan, Kansas because it shows what a funny little town Manhattan is. I need a good ole view of mountains or my heart breaks, but Manhattan is aight.

We spent 2 nights in Manhattan visiting the family of a friend of Christine (my travel partner and photographer on this journey). The Coffeys were delightful and did the best to show us a great Kansas time. We even went sailing. Which is pretty rare in the Midwest, you know, with the lack of oceans and whatnot. But we did it. And if you can steal a sailboat from a wealthy relative you should do it to. But maybe not in Kansas.


In the words of Samburg, “I’m on a boat”

Two nights and one day was an adequate amount of time to get a feel for the place. I saw the prairie, I saw Aggieville, I had a good look at Kansas State, and I sampled the delicious restaurants of Manhattan. Manhattan, Kansas is seriously a mecca of good food. We dined at Tallgrass Taphouse, and that bar food was better than any bar food I tasted in Philadelphia. No offense to my favorite Philly joints. In conclusion, I determined that Manhattan wouldn’t be the worst place to go to school if your parents would visit every so often and take you out to dinner. Especially if you just like hanging out with white people, because Manhattan is full of ’em.

Kansas brewery

Glorious flights of Kansas beer

The prairie is really incredible in a very flat way. All of those gosh-darn grasses. I read something on a prairie overlook that said there are hundreds of grasses, and wooded plants. I think of teens stuck in Kansas dreaming of more, feeling crushed by the weight of all that flatness, but then looking at tall those grasses and being OK with it. “Hey this sucks, but at least there are a lot of different types of grass here…it makes me feel like I live in a magical place.”

prairie grass

Home, home on the range

The best thing about Manhattan, besides the mind-blowing prairie grass, is Varsity Donuts. VD is located in an old drugstore in Aggieville and still has the interior of a drugstore. Doughnuts are delivered to baked college students by vintage bicycles. I wish there was a Varsity Donuts in whatever town I live in for the rest of time. It is delightful. Just look at those windows.


Varsity Donuts

What a dream

In case you haven’t figured it out/care, I did not actually just leave Kansas. I am currently residing on a very comfortable couch in Los Angeles. But let’s all just keep pretending we’re still on the road. Let’s go back to the days Pope Francis was in Philadelphia. Because that was the weekend I  was in Kansas. I gotta say, it would have been nice to walk the car-less streets of Philadelphia, but I had such a great time giving the Mid-western lifestyle a side-hug for a little bit and walking the also not-crowded streets of Manhattan, Kansas. I ended up feeling like I wasn’t missing much. Philadelphia is a great city. Any idiot who says differently is just someone who can’t see beauty in mildly dirty places. That being said, I’m done with Philly and ready to get sucked dry by Los Angeles. One could say I tried so hard to escape the Pope, I moved all the way to California. Stay tuned to hear about my adventures in Colorado, a place mostly run by three things: outdoor activities, beer, and marijuana.

Escape the Pope

Serious about Escaping the Papacy

Travel Tip: Budget in some time for a train to block your route. I waited about almost fifteen minutes for a train to go by. It was whacky.



All I knew about Omaha before I went there was that steak was a big deal there and the pig in the movie Gordy was going to go to a factory farm there before he was rescued because he can talk or do magic tricks or something like that.

After I left Omaha, I learned a few things about it.

  • there is a brewery in Omaha called Upstream, Let me just tell ya, an Upstream beer was just the ticket after the long still-not-quite-as-flat-as-I-was-expecting drive to Chicago.They have Omaha steaks if you’re trying to go big or go home, but if you ain’t, get yourself one of those falafel sandwiches. Admittely, I stayed away from the falafel because of some sort of Yankee snobbery. But when my SUPER AND AMAZING HOST Santi, let me taste his falafel, I was so grouchy with myself.  I can’t remember what I ordered, it was nothing, unmemorable. The falafel is the one that got away. Don’t make the same mistake as me.
  • The Omaha Zoo and Aquarium is DOPPPPPPPPE. I have very conflicted opinions on zoos, harboring such thoughts as, “Is it OK to hold those animals in captivity?, It kinda seems like they’re feeling OK at least they have food.  But freedom is so important.” It’s a real whirlwind. The zoo at Omaha almost made me forget all my concerns. Most of the animals at the zoo had large enclosures… I am no zoologist, but they seemed like they were doing OK. There is a desert dome and a rainforest and soon they are going to have a savannah situation that will have elephants and giraffes.

The Omaha biodomeDamn it’s hot in the deserts of Omaha

  • There are a whole bunch of hospitals and medical schools in Omaha. So if you’re a hypochondriac who loves zoos…might be the spot for you.
  • People are really into pork. Which is a pretty common theme in the Midwest, but in Omaha i ate my very first skillet and i must say never have I enjoyed pork quite so much. For those of you who don’t know, a skillet is a meal cooked in a pan all together one swoop: this one had home fries, and tomatoes, and eggs, and that oh-so delicious pork. If someone else was crazy enough and would go with me, I would drive back to Lisa’s Radical Cafe in Omaha right now just to taste that glorious pork once again.


You blurry, traif masterpiece.

I don’t want to poop too hard on small towns in this series. I understand that some towns can be just as interesting to live in as cities. I understand that as a city-dweller I am a snob. Even knowing all this, I gotta say there is not much going on in Omaha. Sorry, Omaha.

Well, America, tune in next time when I tell ya all about Manhattan, Kansas and further try to convince you that the midwest is sweet. In a very, very boring way.

  NebraskaHalfway there!

Travel Tip: Traveling is tough when you want to drink a lot but you have a budget. I suggest always selecting beers with a high alcohol content. IPAS will give you more bang for your buck.

I’d like to start of the Chicago portion of this process with this fun fact about Chicago: according to some Chi-town residents, Chicago is not called the windy city because it is next to a giant and crazy amazing beautiful lake which causes great winds but because of the hot air of the politicians. All I have to say about that, is politicians are windy everywhere. But not every city has a ginormous, bluer than the bluest blue, lake of wonder.

Lake Michigan

Only Mildly Edited for Instagram!

After a long journey between the abysses (plural of abyss? I don’t know.) that are Ohio and Indiana, in which I listened to hours upon hours of some sort of true crime show on XM radio, I made it to Chicago right during rush hour. Nothing like a rush hour when your bladder is full, am I right? My goal for the day was to make it to Chicago with enough time to settle into my friend Sean’s home and then speed off to an improv show at The iO Theater. I was lucky enough to see Bunk Seven, a Harold team comprised of several talented individuals including a few buds of mine from the olde Temple U days. I used to watch these kids perform in sketch and improv all the time back in the day and it was really exciting to see how they had improved in their craft over the years. If you’re in Chicago and searching for a good improv show. I’d head over to iO.

The first half of Saturday I spent cruising Lake Michigan with My Sweet Genevieve. I’ve definitely got a thing for bodies of water, when I travel I always try to hit one up, but Lake Michigan may have marked it’s space in my heart as my favorite. I spent most of the time at Lake Michigan just wandering Lake Shore Drive but I did spot a delightful trapeze school and Belmont Harbor Dog Beach. Aaaand parking was free between Labor Day and Memorial Day. Magical place, Chicago.

Belmont Harbor Beach

The one on the left is kept trying to mount everybody.

The next half of I headed over to Evanston, where Northwestern University is located, to meet an old high school buddy who I hadn’t seen in five years after we got into a small fight over nothing and I told him “I would never speak to him ever again”, Joel. Apparently when I need a place to stay, I’ll forgive anything. We walked around the cute little town where there was some sort of art festival. In the few months that it’s warm in Chicago, there are a lot of art festivals in Evanston so if you’re headed that way, take a gander. It’s also worthwhile to head to Evanston for the cute shops/restaurants and beautiful Northwestern campus. While I was walking through there I couldn’t help but think “this could have been my life…why didn’t I transfer to Northwestern when Joel did? I’m a fool.” But then I remembered that Chicago is freezing and everyone here thinks they are the next Tina Fey and I decided Philly had been a good choice of place to grow into the fledgling adult I am today. Besides, Tina is from the Philly area so if I want to be the next “her” I’m just as on track as the Chicago kids.

The next day Genny and I headed to brunch at Tweet, near my one true love Lake Michigan, with some Chicago buddies and the lady who would be joining us on the rest of our travels, Christine. Tweet was everything: the decor was cuter than a place Cinderella would spruce up, the food was yum yum, and the cocktails were works of art. Meanwhile, the staff was really accomodating, allowing a gazillion of us to sit outside at a huge table and providing complimentary coffee while we waited to be seated.  The only downside was that Genny had to sit on the outside of the gated seated area, something her anxiety-ridden little brain could not handle. She spent most of the meal whining at me with her paws propped up on a flower basket attached to the iron fence.

Flower Pup

Like so.

After brunch, Christine and I stopped by Lake Michigan for a brief photo-taking session and then went on to Wicker Park.  Everybody told us Wicker Park was cool, so we went for it. And it was pretty cool. The actual park at Wicker Park is nice and it’s fun to walk in a specific neighborhood in a city because I like the ungodly combo of people-watching/architecture. I was slightly disappointed that most of the stores seemed like chains, but who am I to make comments about window-shopping? The only snag in our little Wicker Park journey was was that we missed The 606, which is an abandoned railroad track turned aboveground park. Right after I returned from Wicker Park, one of my friends informed me this park existed and I was sad. So sad.

That night Joel took me out with his Chitown buddies to Rosa’s Lounge, a jazz and blues club.  I had been told that Green Mill Cocktail Lounge was the jazz venue I wanted to see, once frequented by personal heroes of mine such as Al Capone, So at first I was a little bummed we were going to some place I had never heard of. I proceeded to get more grouchy when the cover charge was $20 when it is usually $12. But they served $15 pitchers of Stella and the music just got better and better as the night went on. The crowd was whacky: full of locals who have been going to the bar for decades, couples who were making dance babies on the floor, and the occaisonal crew of young music enthusiasts such as ourselves. The bartenders seem to know everyone at the bar and I ended up getting a free shot from one of them for some reason.  Around 2 in the morning after dancing for an hour straight to the riveting tones of a man who sounded a lot like an Evangelical minister, we decided it might be time to finish the night. I later found out you aren’t allowed to speak at all during the sets at Green Mill, so in hindsight I’m pretty stoked on Rosa’s.

This is a video I found on Rosa’s website

The next morning, after falling asleep at the ungodly hour of 4 AM, I woke up at the even ungodlier hour of 8:30 to pick up Christine and make our way to Omaha, where we have a friend in medical school. Im going to just throw at this pro-tip that driving in unfamiliar traffic when you are exhausted is not actually the best idea. At one point I made a grievious traffic error in which the backseat of my car toppled onto Genevieve after a very ferocious jolt. Thank G-d my veterinarian prescribed the pup some Xanax or she would have heavy-breathed her way across America after a seat attack such as that.

With Chicago under our belts, we began the not-as-flat-as-i-was-expecting journey through the Midwest. Stay tuned for Omaha and Kansas, the midwestern hot-spots that I will try to convince you are not as terrible as they sound. It’s going to be a blast.

Mission from God

“We’re on a mission from God”

Travel Tip: Never travel during vacation season so you can always find free parking wherever you go.

Too many of ye out there are worried about your “freedom of speech” and your “right to bear arms” (like to eat? I just don’t get the obsession with bear arms, like WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THEM?) What you should really be concerned about is your right to whip your hair back and forth.

The Interwebbers have been all up on their high horses because there’s this monster rumor going around that Kim Jong-un is making the lads of North Korea rock the same Macklemore ‘do he currently flaunts… on his evenings out with Dennis Rodman.

Dear G-d. What is the world coming to?

Kim Jong-un Apparently a world where this hairstyle is accepted as attractive

Luckily, this whole thing is just a rumor loosely based in facts. And Kim Jong-un isn’t besties with Obama (yet) so it’s not likely we will all have to shave our heads and dye them salt and pepper in solidarity with our Commander-in-Chief.  Unless we really want too. Because that’s our right as Americans, DAMNIT!.

It turns out, long hair for men is frowned upon by the North Korean government because it “stifles intellectual development” and “consumes a great deal of nutrition” . In the past there have a regulated 28 hairstyles (14 for men, 14 for women) that residents are obligated to have.

I almost wish our society was as great as that of Admirable and Powerful North Korea. Since they have time to coordinate everybody’s hair they must have sorted out issues like hunger and homelessness. Great job,  Brave and Benevolent Leader, Kim Jong-un!



In a recent article in the New York Times (you know that newspaper with the great wealth of knowledge about hipsterdom) expatriate and author Thomas Chatterton Williams went on a rant about how hipsters are ruining Paris with their evil gentrifying way. Like black people know anything about gentrification. As if.

Williams lives in a neighborhood in the northern edge of the Ninth Arrondissement which used to be cool when he moved in. You know before everyone else came and made it mainstream. 

It was crusty when Williams moved in. There were brothels chock full of prostitutes. And sketchy Asian massage parlors. And pharmacies which for some reason are seen as old world to Thomas Chatterton Williams.

<SoPiThe world used to be black and white. Then the hipsters came.

Now, the former la Nouvelle-Athènes is called South Pigalle or SoPi (like Soho GET IT?). Instead of the smell of cigarette smoke and sex, the smell of brunch pervades the air. Instead of the bar à hôtesses there’s fancy cocktail bars that have drinks with silly names that I wouldn’t be able to afford. It’s tragic.

If white people can’t ruin everything by trying to convert poor indigenous people to Christianity or dividing up  tribes into countries that don’t make sense, they’re going to make cities boring and homogenized.

Stupid white people.

Stupid hipsters.

I hate us.






This Vice interview may be the most amazing interview I’ve ever read. This person shouldn’t exist. Logically, it’s like being a gay illegal immigrant unicorn who votes Republican. It doesn’t make sense. Yet in Russia there are ton of these crazy assholes. And their Nazi insignia has penises. Lots of gross penises. But it’s okay, because Hitler totally loved the gays.



Some of the best parts of the interview:

Wow, OK. What’s your opinion of homophobic Nazi skinheads?
Not all heterosexual nationalists are homophobes; they are often latent homosexuals, actually. We fight nationalist homophobes in the same way that we fight against any other homophobes. They’re nothing special to us.

OK, so what qualities are they on a sexuality level?
Our sexual life generally consists of BDSM, especially sadomasochism. Our brothers aren’t engaged in tenderness on silk sheets—we commit truly manly acts.

How do you respond to people who say that homosexuality and Nazism aren’t exactly bedfellows?
Our sexual orientation isn’t a barrier to being nationalists. The spirit of nationalism can be present in any of us irrespective of this. In Russia, the rights of gays are hugely restricted, and we can’t sit back quietly when a person is killed just because he’s gay. Many people from the Caucasus [a region at the border of Europe and Asia] furiously oppose gays. Someone has to reject the pressure that they exert by real brute force.



NME, that magazine that for whatever reason had cultural relevance, is here with Phoenix to teach the ladies of Haim how to speak French. This is stupid, unless Phoenix and Haim are in a 5-some. The best way to learn French is to date some skeevy French dude who your parents hate. Also, he’s very anti-Israel and possible anti-Semitic. The type of person where you make self hating Jew jokes and you’re not quite sure he’s agreeing ironically.

Either way, Haim is playing the Leeds festival bc they are fucking huge and btw we are Twitter bfffs.


This guest post was written by a Polish Hipster Jew, Daniel Slomka.

Hey, hipster Jew, saving money for that dreamy trip to Israel? Forget it! Sharpen your Yiddish and come to the real, underground and undiscovered Jewish hipster capital of the world- Warsaw.

Jewish hipsters in Warsaw are growing in numbers, and it will be quite easy to find one to guide you through the ultimate Jewish experience (far better than the western wall, trust me). Start by looking for them at the Museum of History of Polish Jews. The museum opened its doors to the public in April, and thousands of people lined up to see it. The catch? There was nothing to see. It sounds like a joke, but people literally lined up to see an empty museum- it doesn’t get more avant-garde than this. Of course, don’t look for your new pal standing in line- a true hipster Jew for sure works in the museum, or knows someone who works, or at least did there a non-paid internship and still has some contacts, so he can get in from the back door.


Meet the Jew in Warsaw (from the FB page of the All-Polish Jewish Youth Organization)

During your conversation on your way out don’t forget to mention the last Hebrew course that you took, how much you’d like to go for a party at the Mojsze house (the temple of Varsovian hipster Jews), and how fascinating you find the revival of Jewish life in the same streets that once were the central of global Jewish life. Gain extra points by making a direct cultural connection between today’s hipster Jews in Warsaw and the Jewish cultural elite in Warsaw in the 1920’s, or by showing interest in reading your new friend’s article that is just about to be published in “Midrasz”. Both will be perceived as very much flattering. Do not, however, ask your local guide what is his actual level of Jewishness. Who died and made you Rabbi, anyway?!


This picture was actually taken in Krakow

You can close the evening with your new buddies at the “Tel Aviv” restaurant, over a plate of hummus, discussing the recent film “Pokłosie” and answering the million zlotys question- are Poles anti-Semitic? That’s right, feel free to speak up, here you don’t have to apologize for being socially privileged, and it feels great.

Thanks to Forbes, I now have all I need for success in my future.

Awesome job, Forbes. You’re great.

Forbes Israel recently posted a list ranking all of the billionaire Jews in the land of which there are 165. All the white olds, young social media tycoons,  and oil robber barons are all at the mercy of internet. And…my gold-digging fingertips.

Why try to get a productive job in the arts (because everyone swears that’s actually a thing) when I can instead use my lady charms and catch me a billionaire? Settle down, raise some bastard children with a pool boy daddy, get all sorts of plastic surgery…this could be the life. My life.

Trophy Wife

I want to sit poolside and eat coconut bonbons allllll day.

Now, I can stop working on the Trophy Wife Spreadsheet I have been compiling and just use Forbes more accurate one. I’m going to start at the bottom of the list with Charles Zeiger (165) and then go up, because I’m not greedy, just ambitious.


Shoutout to the lady billionaire who I won’t be seducing: Shari Arison (49), Christina Green (41), Lynn Schusterman (61), Karen Pritzker (66), Joan Tisch (75), Doris Fisher (76), Anita Zucker (82),  Alyssa Koplowicz (83), Jean Pritzker (106), Wilma Tisch (139), Lily Safra (152), Dorathea Steinberoc (154), and Sara Blakely (159). Mazel tov on your lady success!




When I first heard the list of American cities that North Korea was planning to nuke, one of these cities did not go with the others. D.C., Hawaii, LA and …Austin Texas? Hawaii has historical significance, D.C. makes sense, and LA…well those fucking Hollywood Jews. But Austin? It’s a city with a population of 800,000 – definitely not a small city, but if you’re looking to fuck the largest amount of people in Texas, you’re best bet is to hit Houston, San Antonio, or Dallas. Maybe there’s another reason Kim Jong Un is looking to nuke Austin. Hipsters.

‘Hipsters’, you say? ‘What did they ever do?’ Well they had an event at the Alamo Drafthouse to promote the new Red Dawn movie. And then things got uncomfortable and made North Korea very very angry.

Asian eyes? Dressing up a Kim Jong-il to be ironic? Or more importantly, did North Korea find it so distasteful to like a mediocre reboot of a mediocre (but delightfully so!) 80s movie. Kim Jong get’s Hulu and Netflix. He’s not impressed, Austin, and he’s coming for blood.*

*It’s definitely not because Austin is .7% Korean. If only North Korea was that crazy.