Maybe I’m going out on a limb here, but as a 24 year old, I’m thinking about retirement. Not for the present – odds are I won’t make enough money to ever retire – but more importantly in the future.
There’s no way me or my liberal friends will retire to Florida. The heat, the assholes, the hurricanes, the Stand Your Ground, the Mark Rubio. Include global climate change, and by the time I retire (if I’m not worked to death as a capitalist-corporate peasant), the Northeast and Northwest will probably have summers similar to current Florida.
Some places I may retire:
1) A farm.
Assuming the air pollution hasn’t decimated all people who can’t live about the 120th level of a high rise, ‘taking grampa to the farm’ may be the only way to retire. It’s quiet, there’s decent air, and if the owners decide to take me out back and put me down Old Yeller style, it’s a good way to go out.
2) Geriatric Prostitute House.
As the average age of the U.S. gets older and older, there may be more options for geriatric sex workers. Now sure, it’s not a legitimate ‘retirement’. But I’d get my own room, meals, and even get laid. There’s worse ways to die before the age of 55.
3) Private Island.
I wasn’t born into a rich family, but maybe I’ll win the lottery (you know, like being born into a wealthy family). If that’s the case, I’m getting out of an America where Walmart is literally president, and Exxon Mobile is his (her?) second in command. Since lotteries will regularly reach into the billions of dollars, I’ll be the next lucky billionaire.
4) My favorite bar.
After I retire and get my severance package, I’m gonna go where I’m loved most: my favorite bar. There I will proceed to drink until I go literally blind (I’ll be legally blind by then anyway), or until I die. May as well leave this world the most literary way possible.
5) My grandkid’s house.
Here’s the worst part: By the time I’m 75 my children will have disowned me for the pessimistic asshole I am. Therefore, I’ll be forced to retire on the floor of my grandson’s Frat House. I’ll die in an unfortunate ‘butt-chugging’ episode, but atleast I’ll be close to the ones who haven’t disowned me yet.