Archives For Shit Is Cray

Happy 4th from me, @gigihadid, @marhunt, @britmaack, @serayah and @haimtheband :)

A photo posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on

T-Swift, Haim, and a bunch of other people had, what looks to be, the perfect fourth of July. Does anyone know how I can get in on this? I know I have a lot of connections. I feel like it’s my right to hang out in Rhode Island with a bunch of good looking people. Who do I snapchat to get in on this?

T-Swift, please invite me next time (not desperate)

Math, you cruel uncaring mistress! You just couldn’t keep it a secret, could you? You just had to let everyone know that Hipsters do in fact look kind of the same, sound kind of the same, dress kind of the same, eat kind of same, and smell kind of the same (thanks Toms products). Yeah, you heard some news you already guessed if you’ve read this blog once, or stepped outside in a town not full of bros. Hipsters are all the same person. Friends with one hipster, you’re pretty much friends with them all.

“You need people who want to be different,” said Touboul in an interview with Reuters. “In the end, because they are too slow to detect the trend, they synchronize and they all do, and all these people that want to be different they all do the same thing at the same time.”

Touboul published his findings in a scientific paper titled “The hipster effect: when anticonformists all look the same.”

He said the mathematical model is interchangeable with other social groups.

Wait…what? The mathematical model works for any social group? Why not call it the Juggalo Paradox, or the Salmon Short Paradox, or even just the Lumberjack Paradox? It’s like someone knew that calling it the Hipster Paradox would get me to click on the link, then write a silly diatribe about it…

Just like all the other Hipsters have already done. DAMN IT YOU WIN AGAIN, MATH

// Usa Today

Fellow Jews, the patriarchy’s been messing with Cousin Sarah (Silverman) and that’s just one step too far for me. Patriarchy, you angered me when you instituted street harassment. When I found out about the prevalence of on-campus sexual abuse, I shook my fists in rage.  I almost fell into a diabetic coma of disdain when I read about all the crap Florida does to ladies..  But this, THIS IS TOO FAR, PATRIARCHY.

Recently, Sarah admitted that she had been paid 1/6 of what a male colleague was paid at a comedy club in New York. And yea, the owner is saying it’s not because she’s a woman that she was paid less…but she’s not the only lady who gets paid less for her efforts. So regardless of what he’s saying, the issue cannot be denied. The rest of us, as a standard, get paid 78.3 cents for every dollar a man makes.

Cousin Sarah

Sarah’s unimpressed with you, Patriarchy.

When Sarah cries, we all cry. I’m crying right now. Let’s fight the patriarchy, yo.

Well that happened. Anyone from L.A. want to corroborate this story? Are L.A. Kosher Delis this sexual? This hairy? This Jewish? This 1980s?

If so, I’d like one ticket to L.A., please.

Lyrics:

When the party’s breakin’ up and the clubs are closin’ down and the City of Angels sleeps There’s only one place in town me and the boys will be found, got a jones for some savory meats

Canter’s rocks the noshes down in Hollywood, but I love my Jerry’s valley dolls And my baby gets a thrill for a Langer’s kosher dill, and she’ll cream for Greenblatt’s matzo balls

LA! Deli! Where the after party’s ragin’ in my L.A. town LA! Deli! The pastrami’s pillin’ high while you’re comin’ down LA! Deli! Eatin’ corned beef and eggs ’til the break of dawn LA! Deli! You don’t have to be a jew to get your rock ‘n’ roll kibitz on

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I have been spending much of my day reading Wikipedia articles, when I decided to read up a bit on our lord and savior David Berman, when I noticed this one line…

On 8 January 2015, Bob Nastanovich posted a photo on his Facebook page claiming that the Silver Jews are practicing again.

January 8th? Thats today! I quickly went to Bob’s facebook page and low and behold… Silver Jews, together again! I don’t care if they were only posing for a photo. Just the thought of Silver Jews getting back together makes my day.

We’re a week into 2015 and already this is a better year than 2014/

It’s a McSweeney’s Internet Hanukkah!

Ever wonder what the best and worst Hanukkah films are?

Hint: Not the Hebrew Hammer

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Dope
Sick Location
Cheap
Steal
Cozy
No Guests
Broker Fee
Agency
For Real
No OVERNIGHT Guests
Rad
*blurry photos* (it’s 2014… why does it look like every picture was taken with a razor phone?)
Females only

Watching these grandmas smoke weed for the first time makes me wonder… Have any of you ever smoked weed with your Bubbe? Was it secretly in the bathroom at shul no one ever goes in? Or did you watch her pass around a bowl at the old age home? I would love to hear stories if you have any!

Let’s take a moment out of our day to discuss current queen of all things ass, Nicki Minaj (Miley Cyrus get the fuck out). She catapulted into the center of pop culture after a guest verse on biggest hipster in the world Kanye’s “Monster,” and has been there more or less ever since, reminding us that she has a big butt by talking about it non-stop. And by shaking it a whole lot in every music video she does. Sometimes she raps in weird voices, but mostly she just shakes her ass and talks about the pros and cons of having lots of booty.

This really wouldn’t be of any concern to us at Hipster Jew normally. We’re content to stay in our corner, which is talking about hipster garbage, and ridiculing anyone caught making a Hitler reference or people that get outed wearing SS uniforms for Halloween. So we really don’t care about Nicki Min–

 

Oh! Oh. Okay. I guess we’re going there.

So here we have a music video director taking a song about sex, and transforming it into some odd amalgamation of hip hop meets “Triumph of the Will.” I assume he had free reign to make the video however he wanted, after all, only artists are so obsessed with form and style that they would take a film like “Triumph” and admire it, get inspired by it, and then slavishly imitate it, while wholly disregarding the context. it’s something a film student would do after smoking a shitload of weed and then deciding to model his final project after a Reifenstahl piece.

But the degree of replacement imagery that’s in the video leads me to think that the director did this with full knowledge of the context. The whole thing: Nicki’s bent over ass pose replacing the Nazi eagle, Chris Brown as the surrogate Mussolini right hand man, the Young Money logo redesigned to take the place of the swastika, all calculated for clicks and pageviews. The whole thing is asking for a Twitter shitstorm, and since the director is retweeting but not talking to or engaging the people talking about it, it’s going to get one. And now even a small blog like HipsterJew is talking about it. Mission Accomplished.

Here’s the only part I don’t get though: Why is Drake the Pope? It feels tacked on. You couldn’t make him Goering or someone? Just… it doesn’t fit. I like my Third Reich tributes to be professional, you know? Shoehorning the Pope in to make some sort of tangential point reeks of amateurism.

The greatest Shabbat experience I’ve possibly ever had is back with their 7th event. Pop-Up Shabbat will be celebrating 90’s hip hop with the theme “Jew-Tang Forever.” Buy your tickets for this weekends event and get on their mailing list for future events!

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Back in June, The Duckman and Double Sunday were invited to attend Pop-Up Shabbat’s 6th event, so we gladly accepted the invitation to experience Shabbat like this.

The night’s theme, Tikkun Olam (helping to perfect the world), reminds us to ask, “How we can help better the world?” Pop-Up Shabbat’s response is to provide access to organic and local foods to the community. They urged us that eating locally grown foods prepares us for a better tomorrow because we allow more room for self-sufficiency.

We met at the Ikea water taxi across the East River into Red Hook, Brooklyn. Oh lala, a perfect recipe for romance. We took a quick stroll to the converted warehouse at Pier 41. Three large decorated tables topped with framed prayer cards wooed us inside.

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Friendly greetings were accompanied by apricot crostinis. We were invited to immediately begin our boozy adventure with masterly crafted cocktails. Spoiler alert: I became a gin-soaked mound of food by evening’s end.

Buzzing with excitement, people started filling in the open dining room. A two-piece jazz duo helped fill any potential awkward air between strangers meeting for an intimate homestyle dinner. We picked our own seats, and I hoped for fun dining neighbors that won’t mind my raging social anxiety. Speaking of social anxiety, the perfect elixir, wine, was freely being passed around like candy.

Our gracious hostess led the evening with a brief talk about this month’s dinner Oyganic theme. Beautiful, beautiful challah made its round (round, get it? cuz it’s round?). Pesto gruyère stuffed and traditional challah served with a strawberry rhubarb butter spread. C’mon. We quickly learned that this dinner ain’t childs play. Our chef, Sarah Schiear, is about to school us.

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Then, spring pea gazpacho made with garlic scales, cucumber and mint. The presentation was stunning. These crisp and concentrated earthy colors played right into the farm-to-table theme.

Without delay, our entrees commanded their way onto our tables. Move on soup and make way for roasted carrot quinoa with smoked almond pesto. If that wasn’t enough, there was a second entree for meat-eaters: lamb shoulder roast with ramp salsa verde. Don’t think I forgot about you roasted asparagus and butter potatoes. If this dinner was a person, I would ask it for a second date. I was in love with every bite.

I wanted to eat everything the chef and her team prepared, but my breathing was becoming labored. I needed to walk and talk and get even boozier. When I come back from my rendezvous, but who did I see waiting for me on the table? Olive oil cake with rosé-soaked strawberries and lavender cream. I don’t know how to quit you dessert.

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So relaxed, so full, and so boozy–I forgot that I wasn’t at home, and I cannot go lie down to “work this off”. We said our goodbyes to everyone, exchanged contact information, and gave to the tzedakah box.

Jews know tradition. The tradition of Shabbat dinner was artistically and tastefully honored at Pop-Up Shabbat by sticking to a never fail formula: good food and good people.

photos by Adam Thompson