Archives For Mixtapes

If you haven’t read through our archives, we here at Hipsterjew have very strong feelings about parodies. (You have one? Don’t fucking record it. Unless it’s so good that the world will thank you.)

For some reason people love Hanukkah Parodies. Like I feel like I should trademark the phrase ‘Hanukkah Parodies’ there’s been so many. So many Jewish parodies of Jewish holidays. And people still love them. And I am left to wonder how Jewish people became some engrained in the entertainment industry if this is the shit that people seem to enjoy.

Also, why does it always have to be a group of men? Like I get when you’re religious you can’t listen to any women above the age of 11 sing (which is weird and creepy, but a topic for another day). Why can’t it be a group of women, or a mixed group? And why it is almost always acapella? Didn’t every Jew take some sort of music lessons as a kid because sports are taxing and scary? I guess because then they can sing in Synagogue and finally make it almost bearable? (If you’ve ever been to an Orthodox shul and people sand acapella instead of the typical grumble-singing, please email me so I can call you a liar).

If people don’t know what Hanukkah is about, it’s about a bunch of bros singing some parody songs for fun. If this song shows anything it’s that there’s a huge gap when it comes to bearable Hanukkah songs. Maybe next year the Hanukkah Miracle could be that I don’t hear a parody. Until then….I guess I’ll just…shake it off.

I take it back, New Modest Mouse song is pretty good

I know I just wrote a post exclaiming that I only use Spotify to listen to music, but as of today, that is over. I will no longer be using spotify.

That sucks.

Spotify is a great service for music listeners. While it may not have everything, it has most things. And that’s good enough for your day to day listening. But I am having some problems with their ads.

Ad?!? Well why don’t you just fucking pay for a subscription, asshole?

While I was on my road trip, I had paid for a spotify subscription. It was amazing considering my phone had no space on it and I didn’t have enough money to buy an ipod classic (now valued at over $1000). I could listen to whatever, whenever. I had my 3000+ song playlists and a mediocre list of spotify radio stations. But I am not listening to spotify as much as I used to. And I can not justify spending $120 a year on music at this moment in my life.

Well what about that deal they have? $.99 for three month! You can easily listen to music that way and decide if it’s worth is again… idiot

Unfortunately, because I already paid for Spotify, I am not allowed to partake in this wonderful deal.

Okay… fine… how bad are these ads, really? Why are they so terrible you’re running away?

spotify long ad

I understand why Spotify must make me listen to ads. I am okay listening to ads. But I have been having a few problems with the ads. First one is content.

Spotify knows exactly what I listen to. They know when I listen to it. They know how much of it I listen to, and when I skip a song, or a genre right away. The ads that I am getting are no where near what I listen to. It’s like they’re telling me “You got drunk one night and listened to that D12 song which had Eminem as the lead. Eminem had a girl in one of videos that also went to 1st grade with this Christian Rock singer. So we hope you like this 30 second clip from their next hit song played over and over for the next week!

My second problem is the amount of ads being played.

Three months ago, I’d hear one or two ads every 30-45 minutes. They would last a total of 30 seconds. Two months ago, I’d hear 3-4 ads ever 25-30 minutes. They would last a total of 2 minutes. Last month I started hearing 6 ads every 25 minutes. They would last 3 minutes. That’s annoying, but fine, I understand.

Today I heard an entire 4 minute song as an ad. And then two 30 second ads after it. That is completely unacceptable. The song was shit. It doesn’t come close to anything I listen to. I feel used. I feel abused. I am done. It is over. Goodbye Spotify.

UPDATE: according to a Reddit user, the ad was a mistake. “Sorry, there was a problem with our ads targeting. It’s being fixed.” Considering the fact that their ad targeting is way off, I don’t believe it for a second.

As 2014 comes to a close, everyone and everything will be posting their reviews of the past year. Instead of judging others, I decided to judge myself. And what better way than with Spotify’s “Year in Review” page?

For the past year in a half, I have almost solely used streaming services to listen to music. I had been using a broken iPhone 4 with only 8gb of space. I was literally deleting photos to take photos. There was no way I could carry my own music around. Streaming has been great for me. But there are a few things I do miss. I know I always complain about this, but it does bother me that Drag City is not on Spotify. That is one of my favorite record labels. I love Bill Callahan and Silver Jews. What bothers me more so is that when I buy Drag City albums on vinyl, they won’t even give you a download code. What the hell dudes… /end rant.

So with that being said, let’s go ahead and judge my taste in music.

spotify-kind

There numbers are meaningless to me. The way they categorize different types of songs is meaningless to me too. Whats alt? Whats indie? Honestly, I thought I listened to more hip hop than this is showing. If anyone told me to “listen to this great band, its alternative dance music” I would probably punch them in the face.

spotify-topartist

Lets get more to the meat of my music. My top artists. To me, its extremely a predictable list. The top three are my 3 favorite bands. They’re all I pretty much listen to. Because of that, I have no idea why The Strokes and Devendra Banhart are on this list. Sure, I have both of them on the one playlist I listen to, but I didnt think I listened to them that much? I mean really. Who wants to listen to both of those bands? Thats way too typical. Ew. Cmon. It has to be a mistake. Please dont make fun of me.

spotify-topalbum

Top albums, I am a little more comfortable with. Last summer I fell in love with channel ORANGE. Seriously. Why did it take me so long to listen to this album? I can’t stop listening to it. This summer I fell in love with Vampire Weekend (I’m so late). And in the winter/fall/spring I listen to depressing music like Electrelane’s Axes and The Walkmen’s everything. I’m so predictable to myself.

spotify-season

Speaking of seasons… this is again, extremely predicable. In depressing music in the cold. Dancey music in the summer. Man, you could just put my face on a t-shirt and sell it, I’m so predictable.

spotify-Top-10

Now this is cute. My top ten songs:
1. Jew
2. Jew
3. Song I listened to in high school and just rediscovered
4. Jew
5. Same song I listened to in high school, but slightly different
6. Fav Band
7. Jew
8. Fav Band
9. Fav Album
10. Jew

I am like a caricature of the “Hipster Jew”. I disgust me.

spotify-howlong

Now for the final piece…

I have spend about 22 days listening to music. How is it that low? I know I spent the first 6 months not listening to much of anything. It was a bad 6 months. But Ive been working for three months and have been listening to music every day for 8+ hours. Okay, well, when I put it that way it does make sense. Well thats kind of sad….

hall-oates-onehalf-star
My year in music totally blew. I give it 1.5 Halls out of 5 Oates

Let’s take a moment out of our day to discuss current queen of all things ass, Nicki Minaj (Miley Cyrus get the fuck out). She catapulted into the center of pop culture after a guest verse on biggest hipster in the world Kanye’s “Monster,” and has been there more or less ever since, reminding us that she has a big butt by talking about it non-stop. And by shaking it a whole lot in every music video she does. Sometimes she raps in weird voices, but mostly she just shakes her ass and talks about the pros and cons of having lots of booty.

This really wouldn’t be of any concern to us at Hipster Jew normally. We’re content to stay in our corner, which is talking about hipster garbage, and ridiculing anyone caught making a Hitler reference or people that get outed wearing SS uniforms for Halloween. So we really don’t care about Nicki Min–

 

Oh! Oh. Okay. I guess we’re going there.

So here we have a music video director taking a song about sex, and transforming it into some odd amalgamation of hip hop meets “Triumph of the Will.” I assume he had free reign to make the video however he wanted, after all, only artists are so obsessed with form and style that they would take a film like “Triumph” and admire it, get inspired by it, and then slavishly imitate it, while wholly disregarding the context. it’s something a film student would do after smoking a shitload of weed and then deciding to model his final project after a Reifenstahl piece.

But the degree of replacement imagery that’s in the video leads me to think that the director did this with full knowledge of the context. The whole thing: Nicki’s bent over ass pose replacing the Nazi eagle, Chris Brown as the surrogate Mussolini right hand man, the Young Money logo redesigned to take the place of the swastika, all calculated for clicks and pageviews. The whole thing is asking for a Twitter shitstorm, and since the director is retweeting but not talking to or engaging the people talking about it, it’s going to get one. And now even a small blog like HipsterJew is talking about it. Mission Accomplished.

Here’s the only part I don’t get though: Why is Drake the Pope? It feels tacked on. You couldn’t make him Goering or someone? Just… it doesn’t fit. I like my Third Reich tributes to be professional, you know? Shoehorning the Pope in to make some sort of tangential point reeks of amateurism.

Afroman is back to tell you why he is now getting high! No longer because he missed work, or because he has a messy room, or child support to pay. But because anxiety and glaucoma are a bitch. Also booze and ciggs are so much worse than some THC. Seriously. Look how happy Afroman is riding around on a couch. His eyes can’t even open. Dude is living life.

because-i-got-high

Of course, like anything good in this world, this is just an advertisement. Afroman is trying to get you to use a weed map and support a group that is trying to get weed legalized. But you know what, we totally agree with form of selling out!

If you don’t remember listening to the original song, I’ll assume it’s because you were too high between 2001 and today. You can listen to a censored version on youtube.

//Rolling Stone

Have you ever been up on stage performing, but had to take a wicked piss. So wicked that you just have to do it mid song? Action Bronson did. Or at least pretended to. During his set at Ottawa Bluesfest, Action Bronson walked down to the port-o-potty whipped out his mic and continued with his song “Shiraz”. I wish more performers would be so open about their their urine various bowel movements.

// Death and Taxes

Weird Al’s new, and possibly final album, Mandatory Fun, is set to be released TOMORROW! To celebrate, he will be releasing a new video every day this week. The first one to come out is Tacky, a star filled spoof on Pharrell’s Happy. Although Weird Al has stated that this is his last album, I am sure this isn’t the last we will see of him. I think he understand how important he is in making 14 year old boys and myself smile and laugh.

Vanessa Bayer, better known by most of you as Jacob the Bar Mitzvah Boy from SNL, asks all the tough questions to our favorite ladies Haim.

“So what does Haim mean in Hebrew? Let me guess—’she who parts hair in the middle’?”

In 2012, after the death of Adam Yauch, illustrator Derek Langille decided to pay tribute to MCA by drawing a 7 page comic book based on the music video for Sabotage. Download the entire 7 page comic here!

sabotage-1

Continue Reading…