Oh dear. Oh my. Oh no.
HJ’s, I’m having a tough time with this one. The quirky and psychoanalytic pedestal I kept my Uncle Woody on is slowly teetering. It may soon collapse upon itself though I really, really hope not.
Woody Allen and Mia Farrow do not have the best relationship. This, not surprisingly, is what happens when you leave the woman you have adopted several children with for her adopted daughter. Recently, Vanity Fair unleashed an article with tidbits from Mia Farrrow about Uncle Woody having a seemingly too-close relationship with their adopted daughter, Dylan. Oh, and her potential Frank Sinatra baby.
Oddly enough, child molestation is frowned upon in modern day society. Guys who like playing “doctor” with little girls are the ones who get pushed into a corner of the shower room in jail and bent over and told to “squeal like the little rapey piggy you are”. Accusing someone of such an offense is no laughing matter. Even if that person is Woody Allen and probably won’t have anything happen to him because years in Hollywood has given him that golden Oscar gild that keeps those sorts of people safe from the law.
This isn’t the first time Mia’s called molestation on Woody. The first time was in 1992, also in Vanity fair, with allegations from various sources that, “Woody, wearing just underwear, would take Dylan to bed with him and entwine his body around hers; or that he would have her suck his thumb; or … when Dylan went over to his apartment he would head straight for the bedroom with her so that they could get into bed and play.”
Excuse me, but ew.
These claims were ignored because there isn’t really any substantial proof, just a lot of hearsay. Furthermore, Dylan kept changing her story, seemingly to Mia’s tune. In the recent Vanity Fair article and the past one, all the claims are just Allen and his Woody-love cult friends saying Mia Farrow is a vindictive CUNextTuesday or that she and her children are a weird little Woody-hate cult. Or they are from Farrow and her weird little Woody hate cult (co-starring Ronan Farrow the one we thought was Woody’s kid but might actually be Frank Sinatra’s) saying that Uncle Woody is a creepy little perv with no moral compass.
I desperately hope Uncle Woody isn’t guilty of these crimes because nothing quite takes the shine out of Annie Hall then the prospect of Alvy Singer inappropriately touching a child. I still admire his work as an artist (except for To Rome With Love) because you have to separate the man from the art, but damn, my great desire for a Woody Allen action figure is slowly but surely diminishing. Because even if he didn’t touch Dylan Farrow, this looksee into his private life is pretty freaking skeevey.
Bids are up for a new idol. Any takers?
(Said Schlitz, knowing deep down that Uncle Woody would always be her one true neurotic Jew love and she just wants Mia Farrow to be the vindictive little gutternsnipe she presents herself as.)