Archives For Jew York

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No seriously. Why did he cross the road? The New York Marathon is going on and you can see this guy just zip back and forth like he’s playing a game of frogger. What some people don’t realize is that when you play frogger in real life, people tend to get hurt. derp de derp. Maybe he heard about the legs and thigh sale.

// r/nyc

Woody Allen has recently given a spiel on Israel, and religion, and anti-semitism. I read the lines he was quoted in with his sweet lil neurotic voice, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

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Viva Uncle Woody.

I mean like unless he’s a child a rapist and therefore a bad person like the internet believes. But even then…I just can’t quit you Woody Allen.

Oh dear. Oh my. Oh no.

HJ’s, I’m having a tough time with this one.  The quirky and psychoanalytic pedestal I kept my Uncle Woody on is slowly teetering. It may soon collapse upon itself though I really, really hope not.

Woody Allen and Mia Farrow do not have the best relationship. This, not surprisingly, is what happens when you leave the woman you have adopted several children with for her adopted daughter. Recently, Vanity Fair unleashed an article with tidbits from Mia Farrrow about Uncle Woody having a seemingly too-close relationship with their adopted daughter, Dylan. Oh, and her potential Frank Sinatra baby.

Oddly enough, child molestation is frowned upon in modern day society. Guys who like playing “doctor” with little girls are the ones who get pushed into a corner of the shower room in jail and  bent over and told to “squeal like the little rapey piggy you are”. Accusing someone of such an offense is no laughing matter. Even if that person is Woody Allen and probably won’t have anything happen to him because years in Hollywood has given him that golden Oscar gild that keeps those sorts of people safe from the law.

This isn’t the first time Mia’s called molestation on Woody. The first time was in 1992, also in Vanity fair, with allegations from various sources that, “Woody, wearing just underwear, would take Dylan to bed with him and entwine his body around hers; or that he would have her suck his thumb; or … when Dylan went over to his apartment he would head straight for the bedroom with her so that they could get into bed and play.”

Woody Allen with his post-family
Excuse me, but ew.

These claims were ignored because there isn’t really any substantial proof, just a lot of hearsay. Furthermore, Dylan kept changing her story, seemingly to Mia’s tune. In the recent Vanity Fair article and the past one, all the claims are just Allen and his Woody-love cult friends saying Mia Farrow is a vindictive CUNextTuesday or that she and her children are a weird little Woody-hate cult. Or they are from Farrow and her weird little Woody hate cult (co-starring Ronan Farrow the one we thought was Woody’s kid but might actually be Frank Sinatra’s) saying that Uncle Woody is a creepy little perv with no moral compass.

I desperately hope Uncle Woody isn’t guilty of these crimes because nothing quite takes the shine out of Annie Hall then the prospect of Alvy Singer inappropriately touching a child. I still admire his work as an artist (except for To Rome With Love) because you have to separate the man from the art, but damn, my great desire for a Woody Allen action figure is slowly but surely diminishing. Because even if he didn’t touch Dylan Farrow, this looksee into his private life is pretty freaking skeevey.

Bids are up for a new idol. Any takers?

(Said Schlitz, knowing deep down that Uncle Woody would always be her one true neurotic Jew love and she just wants Mia Farrow to be the vindictive little gutternsnipe she presents herself as.)

Tonight, as part of the School of Visual Arts Thesis Showcase of Social Documentary Film Department, director Olga Klyachina will be premiering her film When People Die They Sing Songs.

WHEN PEOPLE DIE THEY SING SONGS

“When People Die They Sing Songs” is a story of mother and daughter who resolve to uncover their wartime past buried half a century ago. After suffering a stroke, 93-year-old Holocaust survivor Regina is getting music therapy. Accompanied by a music therapist, Regina sings Yiddish and French songs of her youth. Her daughter Sonia is with her at every session. This revitalizes their mother-daughter relationship and emboldens them to revisit their past. With Regina’s help, Sonia tries to capture their family story. The past they were so eager to forget they are now anxious to remember. But Regina’s memory is rapidly succumbing to dementia.

Friday, September 20
7:30pm
SVA Theatre
333 W 23rd St
between 8th and 9th Av
NY, NY

Check for more updates / clips / and future screenings on the facebook page Olga Diplodocus

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If you have a business idea, or live in Brooklyn, and need funding, this is probably not the website for you. Clearly the best ideas have been taken. But if you’re looking to LOL at HIPSTERS and how UNORIGINAL their originality is, then this is the perfect website. A Brooklyn Hipster Business Generator. Not gonna lie, I want a slap bracelet.

//Laughingsquid

No one goes to the Opera. The opera is for rich assholes and people with European Renaissance fetishes. Sometimes someone genius, or insane, or probably a bit of both, writes an opera injected with pop culture. Specifically, in homage to the Mario Bros.

Jon Mann has created a Mario Bros Rock Opera. To say it looks amazing is an understatement. It should be made – it should be the next Fistful of Quarters of the opera world. It should encourage an entire generation to appreciate the opera as an art form.

We’ve missed it – but maybe this cultural masterpiece will come back to NYC. I mean, if Jeff Mangum can come back, I’m pretty sure anything is possible.

//LaughingSquid

Anthony Weiner is an internet sexual prowler. Not content to ruining his career twice, he’s a man with an addiction and a need to prove that he’s reformed (until, ya know, the next time).

He’s smart, if by smart you mean creepy. Instead of keeping his online affairs to Facebook or Twitter, he also used….FORMSPRING?

Who uses Formspring any more, besides for 16 year old girls who need to be catty towards eachother, and/or sad lonely 16 year old boys who have crushes on previously said 16 year old girls?

Formspring Q #1:

Wanna see my weiner? No? TOO LATE.

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Q #2: Wanna have sex in my Chicago Condo?

Q #3: Wanna win the NYC mayoral election? Yeah? You should probably apologize then.

 

I don’t know about you, but if this is true I’m definitely voting for Weiner. Nothing I like more than a politician who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to be overtly sexual on the internet. C’mon, it’s 2013, and some people still haven’t heard of SnapChat.

Is it weird that I’m now wondering why a couple pictures of my penis aren’t on the internet? I wonder if my Mom has any pictures of me in the bathtub as a baby….

UPDATE:

We got the first Carlos Danger campaign ad.

Girls: Season 38

Chicky —  06/26/2013 —  Comments

This is the best parody of any show ever. The casting is perfect. The production value is so much higher than it should be. And it’s a perfect example of how little Girls actually changes as the seasons progress. The characters are all still selfish and petty. Just a perfect parody. Only helps that Martin Starr was cast in it.

Jewish Bikers for Israel

Chicky —  06/04/2013 —  Comments

chai_riders_israel

This is a thing, people. Jews on motorcycles who are in love with Israel. Mark my words, if such a niche can exist, my Jews for Jesus Converted to Jews Game of Thrones Fan Fiction Group is going to be a huge success! Can’t wait for Chai Riders to fight the Hells Angels and all their arthritic bones break to pieces.

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//Gothamist

C’mon people. No need to pass judgement. This is America. The country where conservative southern Republicans, who run on ‘family values’ cheat on their multiple wives and still get re-elected or run for President. The fact is this is America, where we’re simultaneously obsessed with our politicians and celebrities’ personal lives, yet will get all in a huff due to or strangling Puritanistic ‘morality’. The worst part isn’t that we’re a country that gives second chances, it’s that we only give politicians a chance if they make a fake public apology and resign, then return a few years later.

I guess that’s what happens when we’re all a bunch of uneducated buffoons who have the collective political and historical memory of an Alzheimer’s patient who used to be a pro-football player. We deserve what we elect in our democracy, and it’s never that great.

So here’s to Jew York’s next possible philandering mayor, Anthony Weiner! Bring it on, Nate Silver.