Archives For Geekin’

Box Sets – You were once so good.

Your Simpsons seasons 1-8 let me relive my childhood.

Your price tag however felt outrageous and unjustified.

$75 for Seinfeld? Whoa is me, I cried.

Yet you persevered.


Box sets of Futurama. Box sets of Cheers.

Box sets of MASH everywhere.

2014 will be a new year.

One in which Box sets finally die.

For we have Hulu, Netflix, and Torrents to try.

HBO Go for those full of riches.

Steal it from Mommy and Daddy you bitches!


Box Sets – you will be our Disco Balls.

Useful in the moment, yet historically small.


I’ll see ya around – probably at the next yard sale, along with CDs of Chumbawumba and DVDs of The Mummy.


So someone as part of an art exhibit has put together an interactive video game that lets you play as Anne Frank. I don’t even know where to start on something like this. I guess the matter-of-fact questions come first: What genre is this? RPG? Survival horror? Is it graphical, or is it a text-base game? Will it have quicktime events like in Resident Evil? {Tap A to keep quiet} {Tap B to open door}


Not to mention the moral questions that a game like this brings up. How do you get gamers to play something that they already know the ending to? In an Anne Frank game, you can only achieve BAD END without the game feeling like a copout. How do you implement multiplayer without making one side the Nazis? OR is the multiplayer mode a race against the clock and whomever sells information first about the other player wins? I’m feeling dirty just trying to design this game in my head.

I liked it better when games set in WWII gave you a gun and told you to blast anything wearing Hugo Boss. I think I’ll boot up DOSBox and play some Wolfenstein 3D to wash off the moral ambiguity.

Dr. Christiano, a hair geneticist and dermatology professor at Columbia University Medical Center, found a cure by playing around analyzing discarded baby foreskins. Yup.

The researchers took papilla cells from seven men who were undergoing hair transplants, cultured them in hanging drops and then injected them into human skin grafted onto mice. Not just any human skin: to put their ideas to a rigorous test, the researchers made the grafts from a type of skin that is normally 100 percent hairless — foreskins from circumcised infants. A technique that can grow hair on a foreskin has a pretty good chance of growing it on a person’s head, they reasoned.

Let me tell you. I’m gonna go bald one day. Probably sooner then later. I’ve thought about it – I think about it every day. My head of hair is plush and beautiful. It makes me feel so young and full of vitality. I don’t wanna have a bald spot – I don’t want thinning hair, receding hairline. There may be hope. I may no longer have to blame my fucked up DNA for giving me an increasing amount of face and ass hair but receding head hair.

Seriously. You don’t wanna be a Homer.

And now you won’t have to. Thank you, science. AIDS, Cancer, none of it matters if all the Baby Boomers don’t have their Viagra boners and full heads of hair. I guess now we* can live to 150?

*I mean our 1% overlords.

And some people say circumcision is a bad thing


Science rules. But unfortunately, Bill’s dancing while injured doesn’t (according to the so-called professionals). Bill Nye broke out the robot while dancing to Daft Punk’s Get Lucky on Dancing With The Stars. The judges didn’t care to much for his dance moves, but we still love him! Bill Bill Bill!

It’s about time! First, podcasts were for nerds. Then, they were cool. Then everyone and their grandmother has a podcast and you remembered that Podcasts are like the Radio, which is totally uncool.

Good news! Podcasts are cool again.

How do I know?

I started one. And the Duckman was a guest on 2 of them.

I started one called The 14th State, in honor of Vermont being the 14th to join the union. I play games with fellow VT comedian Will Betts, and we have a guest on who is involved in music/arts/comedy/is better than you. It’s like NPR but for Vermont and with a lot more ‘fucks’ uttered. And our recording process is much more bootleg.

The Duckman’s first appearance was on Square Pop‘s Brainfreeze where they talked about what religion meant as a child, and other things that are totally NSFW but worth listening to if you’re not my mother.

And The Duckman’s second appearance was on The Green Light Show down in Jacksonville with the great daveysaurusrex. There he talked about weird shit mostly having to do with his vast knowledge in sexting. So again, if you’re a family member, please skip this one. Everyone else can get real uncomfortable and take a listen to what goes on in the every day Jacksonville life.

So if you’re looking for podcast guests, we make great ones. Hit us up.

No one goes to the Opera. The opera is for rich assholes and people with European Renaissance fetishes. Sometimes someone genius, or insane, or probably a bit of both, writes an opera injected with pop culture. Specifically, in homage to the Mario Bros.

Jon Mann has created a Mario Bros Rock Opera. To say it looks amazing is an understatement. It should be made – it should be the next Fistful of Quarters of the opera world. It should encourage an entire generation to appreciate the opera as an art form.

We’ve missed it – but maybe this cultural masterpiece will come back to NYC. I mean, if Jeff Mangum can come back, I’m pretty sure anything is possible.



In the past few months, my photo has appeared on Buzzfeed, not once, but twice. If they love me so much, they could just ask me to marry them! Next article I write shall be titled: 20 reasons you’re not invited to the Hipster Jew / Buzzfeed wedding. And it will be made with gifs from Darkwing Duck. Expect it to be on your facebook feed for a week.

  • 3 pictures of people in their mid 20′s doing work

  • 7 ways Jesus died for our sins

  • 8 6th grade sluts that need shaming

  • 11 ways to remind yourself old people still get naked

  • 12 self centered things about me that might be about you too!

  • 13 hottest freshman at Community College

  • 14 pictures I took on my camera phone by accident

  • 16 ways you know your grandpa listens to Fox News

  • 17 best gang bangers in Montana

  • 21 teachers you wouldn’t have sex with

  • 22 things I learned about myself from the ‘sittin’ on the toilet video

  • 24 ways to stand your ground (sexily)

  • 25 people I want to murder my vagina

  • 28 people my mom once called ‘faggy’

  • 30 signs you’re driving while reading this

  • 31 people posing with roadkill

  • 39 people who may or may not have been Trayvon once

  • 300 reasons why being a white over-privileged 20 year old rules

James Deen, the Jewish porn star / the guy next door, has become the first person to star in a Google Glass porn! Unfortunately, Google has banned any nudity from showing up on the glassware so we are stuck with this youtube viral ad for an app that may never exist on Google Glass. Oh well. Looks like I’ll just have to watch my porn on one of my other 100 devices.

Is any one else curious if this is what sex is going to be like in the future? Like, are we seriously going to be shopping for new deals while boning? The Jewish side of me is into that, but the romantic side of me just barfed.


An online encounter can be anything these days. It can be anonymous, but increasingly this is becoming more and more infrequent. More likely our online doings are public and end up revealing something about you to people you know, or are simply broadcast into what we perceive to be an electronic vacuum. But be cautious: someone is always watching. I say that to warn off the guy I played NBA Jam against earlier, he of the Israeli flag background and the violent right bumper spam maneuver. Now every corporation in the world knows that you are the equivalent of the kid who would spam the same one move in fighting games over and over again to extract a long, joyless win from an increasingly unenthusiastic opponent. Congratulations, I hope you feel accomplished over how fast you can twitch your right index finger for seven minutes.

Maybe some background is in order: Back in February, I was waiting by the train station to Damen when I spotted someone I knew from work. “Hey man,” he said as he spotted me. I gave him one of those half-handshake, half high five greetings in return. “What’s up, Chris?” I asked. “Not too much.” He pointed to my Bulls hat. “Are you a hoopster?” I was confused for a half-second. “You mean, do I play in a rec league?” He laughed. “No, like, a hipster that follows basketball.”

Instantly, and with minimal effort on my part, I had earned a new label.

What’s a hoopster to do but get sloppy on beer and play NBA Jam every other day or so? There’s only so much time to do it after all, since I have other important activities to do, like: nod my head pompously at art gallery showings, critique the latest dive bar’s newly hired mixologist, argue with others over Pitchfork’s score for Bath’s new album, or just generally be a passive-aggressive jerk about art, pop culture and life in general. So in my spare time I like to unwind with something that is directly confrontational, fueled with alcohol, and still satiates my appetite for inconsequential entertainment. NBA Jam provides this in spades.

So this is how I came to be battling with some ass who was repping Israel as the Dallas Mavericks, using the Turbo Shove command that had Dirk Nowitski and Jamal Mashburn making the Laimbeer-era Pistons look soft. Was this guy actually having fun? Was he actually from Israel? Or was he just a Hasid that hated my bike and wanted to make me suffer for using it?

I didn’t feel curious enough to find out for good. I sunk a between the legs three point trick shot, quit the game, finished my beer, and made plans to meet up with some people at an album release party taking place a few blocks away. Stay at home and get Mashburned by a vindictive Xbox Live internet hero? Ain’t no hipster got time for that.