Ever wonder what the best and worst Hanukkah films are?
Hint: Not the Hebrew Hammer
It’s a Hanukkah Miracle everyone! The Christmas knockoff of a lazy parenting trick, Elf on the Shelf, is now making it’s way to the homes of spoiled Jewish children. While Mensch on the Bench has been on shelves since since 2013, everyone knows the only way to make real money is to add other sidekicks and supporting characters (MERCHANDISIN’!). And sometimes, even though you’re a former Hasbro Exec, you need to ask people for some of their money (because spending one’s own money is too damn hard sometimes).
That’s right, people. Mensch on the Bench is so legit now. How legit? They got $150,000 from Shark Tank for 15% of the business,, AND they were mentioned in my hometown paper, The Providence Journal.
BFD, people. BFD. Remember this as the day that we finally won the WAR ON CHRISTMAS.
Everyone is sick and tired of dumb Kickstarters getting thousands of dollars. Including H. Jon Benjamin. So he made one!
After Erick Sanchez was given over $30K to get Kenny Loggins to perform at his condo, H. Jon Benjamin decided it would only be right if he introduced him (LANA! LANA!….. DANGER ZONE). So here we have another shitty Kickstarter. Or as H. Jon Benjamin put it
“I hate these inane Kickstarters hosted by privileged assholes asking for other people’s money and the service of ironic projects that add nothing to the cultural conversation, so I started one.”
But don’t worry. You won’t be ripped off by terrible rewards. Jon has some great ideas. Like if you give him $2000, you get $1000 back. If you want to watch the performance on his cell phone, it’ll cost $15. Signed posters, Way too expensive T-shirts. Cmon down and support a Kickstarter that clearly doesn’t need your support!
// Village Voice
South African brewers Garagista Beer Co. has a new marketing campaign: all about bashing hipsters. Their beer is for normies, not hipster scum. And they have a poster or two (or five) to go with it. I mean, they get the specifics messed up a bit, because of course they did. I’m pretty sure normals have a better chance of using the Ramones t shirt for fashion than a hipster would, seeing as the Ramones are mainstream as fuck and I’m pretty sure hipsters are only allowed to listen to post punk (it’s in the contract you sign when you become a become hipster, right after the clause about only drinking the most terrible booze), not first wave.
Or how about that the company is named Garagista? You know, like the word garage, where someone would homebrew for their first time… How would someone let other people know about it? “My favorite beer is Garagista… my friend brews it in his garage with a couple of other guys…you probably haven’t heard of it before?” Sounds pretty fucking hip to me, Garagista.
Now you’ve set up shop in an actual brewery, making a few different drinks. Little did you know you’ve opened the door to the hipster floodgates: someone takes a sip of a new brew and says “You know, their first one was better.” And you’d best believe it will happen; hipsters love irony, and surely some local trust funders will buy their beer simply because it would be so funny if hipsters drink the beer that hates hipsters. It’s coming, Garagista. You’ll have to grit your teeth and pretend to like it when every keg tap party you throw is attended by hipsters and the men are wearing tighter and shorter shorts than the women. Good luck, have fun.
I’ll pass though, an attention getting gimmick like this is pretty transparent, and I don’t think you will get “normcore” enough to be sold here in the States. Besides, even if you did, I’m not sure how appealing to not-hipsters is going to get them to switch from MillerBudCoors Lites.
Tom Hanks was hanging out at Justin Bieber’s manager’s wedding. Just standing there on the dance floor. Most likely drunk as a skunk. With a shawl wrapped around his neck. A yarmulke on his head. Singing “This is How We Do It.” If my bubbe was still alive today she would be kvelling.
If there is one thing I’m good at, it’s finding small little Jewish pop culture tidbits on TV shows that no one else notices (or notices 2 years later). Well, after going through the entire Orange is the New Black season this past weekend, I noticed that Alex Vause (Laura Prepon aka Donna Pinciotti from That 70’s Show) was reading Leah Vincent’s Cut Me Loose. Cut Me Loose is a story about Vincent’s path out of Ultra Orthodox Judaism and into secular society.
Admittingly, I haven’t read the entire book, only excerpts. But from what I’ve read, I can totally understand why Alex Vause would read this book alone on her couch waiting for
(deleted for spoilers). But I can’t understand why Scientologist Laura Prepon would read Cut Me Loose. Maybe it’s a cry for help to get out of the Tom Cruise’s cult? JK
Seth Rogen is always doing nice things. Sometimes he promotes Alzheimer research. Sometimes he acts in movies. Sometimes he gets high with Snoop Dogg and discusses Game of Thrones. Is this not every person’s dream? If it’s not your dream, I probably don’t want to be friends with you.
Can some Jewish organization that does lots of boring things give out a National Jewish Treasure Award? And can Seth Rogen win for 5 years straight?
We all make mistakes. Sometimes we screw up at work. Sometimes we are hurtful. Sometimes we say mean things to people without thinking about the consequences. What separates a good person from a terrible person is how they react to those situations. Are you going to blame your coworker, society, your parents, or yourself?
Jonah Hill was recently caught telling a paparazzi parasite to “suck my dick, faggot.” Instead of pulling an Alec Baldwin and telling the public to go fuck themselves too, Hill has been going around to various talk shows and radio shows apologizing for his remarks. He blames no one but himself. He takes all of the responsibility of his words and how they may have hurt some people.
He went on Howard Stern, Jimmy Fallon and Good Morning America this week to talk about his new movie 22 Jump Street, but instead addressed his previous remarks.
For all that he has done the past few days, I feel inspired by all that he has done. I mean, he was being harassed by these paparazzi were acting like such assholes that TMZ decided to even mention that they were not on their staff. But he didn’t use that as an excuse. He went out there and apologized for what he said. We need more Jonah Hills in this world.
Well everyone’s favorite Jewish summer camp is coming back! After years of rumors about a sequel or prequel movie, after learning that everyone is willing to shoot the movie for next to little money (so many famous actors and actresses!), except for Bradley Cooper who’s probably a dick in real life, it seems Netflix may actually make a 9-episode prequel series!
Let me just say, I am a little nervous. After seeing the ‘meh’ that was Arrested Development on Netflix, I’m worried that director David Wain (of the State) may make a slower, less-ridiculous version of his original masterpiece.
But who knows! Maybe after 14 years of directing other projects, all David wants to do is get back to his roots, his summer camp roots, and rehash a bunch of adolescent teens masturbating and having Kosher sex.
KEEP YOUR PROMISES, FICTIONAL CHARACTERS!
Smut peddlers WoodRocket almost gave us exactly what we wanted: a porn parody of The Royal Tenenbaums featuring Stoya and James Deen called “The Royal Tenendongs“. Unfortunately this is just a risque photoshoot involving two porn stars dressed as The Royal Tenenbaums. No real action here, people. But the idea is spot on. I really want to see this produced into a film. Why isn’t this a film?
More photos NSFW here