Archives For BullshitForAssholes

This Land is Mine is a beautiful / terrifying depiction of the last 6000 years in the land of Canaan / Israel / Palestine. Millennia after Millennia of war and death over the small piece of land many have called their rightful home.

The list of participating parties:

Early Man
Canaanite
Egyptian
Assyrian
Israelite
Babylonian
Macedonian/Greek
Greek/Macedonian
Ptolemaic
Seleucid
Hebrew Priest
Maccabee
Roman
Byzantine
Arab Caliph
Crusader
Mamluk of Egypt
Ottoman Turk
Arab
British
Palestinian
European Jew/Zionist
PLO/Hamas/Hezbollah
State of Israel
Guerrilla/Freedom Fighter/Terrorist
The Angel of Death

What’s going on today in the life of Hipsters? Oh, just the usual. Someone making another listicle about hipsters.

What’s this listicle about? It’s about how your kid is turning into a hipster! LOL! Kids wearing sunglasses and watching obscure 90s cartoons.
Maybe your kid acts like a Hipster because you’ve made them into your own hipster-devil spawn? Maybe they watch VHS of Inspector Gadget because you’re a nostalgic monster who won’t let them enjoy Yo Gabba Gabba or Adventure Time?

Kids aren’t Hipsters. You’re a Hipster. Let your kid live and love whatever stupid Disney prince or princess they want.

Just remember, kids hate what their parents love when the kids are all grown up. So do them a favor and ironically love everything they love. I promise, it’ll pay off in the end.

It only took a few weeks, but Dov Charney is back with American Apparel. After a video surfaced of Dov walking in the nude around employees, American Apparel decided to ax Dov from his own company. After years of sticking up for Dov’s alleged pervy / abusive behavior, the board of directors had enough. At least enough to give Dov a short vacation from the company, only to hire him back as a creative consultant. Welcome back Dov!

And now for no reason at all, here is a video of Dov Charney (Rich Fulcher) and Terry Richardson (Moshe Kasher) looking for America’s Next Sick Fuck.

charney

Our favorite American Apparel CEO, Dov Charney, was fired yesterday after the board decided his time was up. It is well documented that Dov tends to have some controversial moments. He’s been sued for choking (not sexually) and harassing (sexually) employees. Mashable and Hipster Jew has shared a few of these moments.

It’s not surprising anyone, including the CEO and founder of a company, to be fired after so many lawsuits. But I do have a few issues with this. Why is the board NOW letting Dov go after years of allegations? Most of the cases against Dov have been dismissed. On top of that, I haven’t seen any new allegations in a year. But according to Mashable, the board fired him because of “ongoing investigation into alleged misconduct.”

Maybe there is something we don’t know? Maybe a new case against Dov that’s damning? Maybe the board got confused and thought they were firing Terry Richardson? Either that or the board finally looked at the company’s stock after 6 years of it tanking. I’m not too sure. It seems like an odd time to let Dov go after giving him so many chances.

In 2012, after the death of Adam Yauch, illustrator Derek Langille decided to pay tribute to MCA by drawing a 7 page comic book based on the music video for Sabotage. Download the entire 7 page comic here!

sabotage-1

Continue Reading…

Urbanoutfitters-originalart

Urban Outfitters was caught stealing a design from Society6 artist ‘spires’. This isn’t the first time Urban Outfitters has ripped off designers and it probably won’t be the last. The most frustrating part of this is the fact that this is a simple design. All UO had to do was change a few colors. But they ripped the entire thing. How hard is it to recreate something like this but a different color scheme? Not hard at all…

urbanoutfitters-stolen

I would really like to give Urban Outfitters the benefit of the doubt though. The artist has stated on Reddit that he has sold work to Urban Outfitters in the past through Society6. But this time he hasn’t been paid. Maybe it was just a simple mistake. Oh, the good person in me really wants to believe it was just a simple mistake. But knowing Urban’s history, this was most likely stolen.

Screen Shot 2014-05-22 at 10.25.14 AM

Screen Shot 2014-05-22 at 10.25.27 AM

// Spires

Bootleg Bart is my favorite thing on the internet. I honestly love each day I see a new crappy toy or over sexualized Simpsons t-shirt. It’s the best. That’s why I’m so happy to see that the bootleggers in Israel (or possibly elsewhere) are doing a good job staying relevant to the mid 20 – 40 year olds visiting the old city.

Next year may we be blessed with more Simpsons bootlegs.

I was searching on Amazon for some items. I’m embarrassed to admit what they were. Okay, I’ll say it. I was looking for Pogs. It’s not what you think! I’m not addicted. I just wanted to bolster my collection. After not touching Pogs for the past 15 years, I wanted to teach my students the magic, simplicity, and the amazing art on Pogs. Aerodynamic. Pictures of Spiderman, or Sonic, or even Martin Luther King Jr.* Like milk caps, but without the feel of 1950s post-WWII penny-pinching, steeped in 1990s pop culture.

MLKjr Pog
*Yes, this is an MLK Jr Pog. That I own. Made for the Strom Thurmond racists.

This is when I happened upon a new version of Pogs.

Beer Pogz.

I had so many questions. A Pog drinking game? Why? How? Why a ‘z’ at the end of Pogs? How badly are we pining for nostalgia these days? Besides for the fact you should never NEED a game to drink (Unless you’re in college because college parties are soooo lame but adult parties are soooo much cooler, promise!). The challenges and depression of life itself should be MORE than enough of a reason to drink.

This reminds me of that Jenga drinking game. Or those dice that had sex things written on them. Or Sex Monopoly, a game I just made up where if two people or more landed on ‘Pork Place’ they’d have to sex it up. Board games and childhood games should be stuck in time, left to their pre-adolescent misgivings. Dice should be left for D&D and the craps tables.

I’ll give the creators some credit. Pogs may be the perfect game for children – but it’s also perfect for drunks, the adult equivalent of children. It requires minimal reading, some hand-eye coordination, and persistence.

Hell I’ll make my own drinking/public nuisance Pog game.

  • Eat whatever you find under the couch.
  • Call up a relative and call them an asshole.
  • Drink until you cry. Blood.
  • One second of drinking for every thousand dollars in debt you are.
  • Tell one person in the room how you REALLY feel about them.
  • Call a stranger a racist.
  • WILD: Play a drinking game that is inferior to this one (all of them).

That wasn’t so hard. Have fun, you slammer-smashing alchies!

Double Sunday (DS): What is Jewishness to you?

Matty Goldberg (MG): Jewishness to me is being yourself. People have always said I am a stereotypical Jew. I guess, by the way I look, my stature and glasses. I do not aim for this. I aim just to be Matty. I see cultural Judaism as being an individual and always raising questions. I love that there are so many great Jewish writers, comedians and artists.

DS: What was it like to grow up Jewish?

MG: I didn’t have a typical Jewish childhood. My parents were very anti-religious, so I was never bar mitzvahed. All my friends had to go to Hebrew school. I actually felt lucky I didn’t have to go. I was never one for school. I was ashamed of my last name because it was so jewish and I felt [the] anti-semitism. It wasn’t until later in life how proud I am of my last name. Goldberg is beautiful. I’m proud to be a Goldberg.

DS: Is Jewishness a part of your life now? If so, how?

MG: Culturally, yes. I’m just proud to be part of a great community and now super proud of who I am. I don’t know how religious I’ll ever get. I’ve never been through the rituals and I know if I tried, it could feel forced. I do enjoy going to Shabbats where a bunch of Jews shoot the shit about life and try to answer big questions. I plan on being myself, but I’ll never run from my identity.

DS: So Matty, you have written a memoir that recounts your childhood briefly and, in greater depth, your recovery from a brain tumor. You also shared intimate accounts of a friend’s death. What inspired you to share your story?

MG: I am a stand up comic, and as much as a run away from it. I can’t. Three to four years ago, I had time off and I started writing about my experience with having a brain tumor. After my diagnosis in college, I became reclusive. I had the surgery and had to recover for 6 months with no communication to the outside world. I’ve had to relearn my social skills. I was so scared. My best friend was helping because we did comedy together. But, after he died, the loss, everything was hard to do what we were doing before. The comedy. Nothing mattered without him.

So, I wanted to stay creative and I started writing. I wanted to tell my story with his because I learned what I was doing because of him.

Matty Goldberg and Double Sunday screen shot of Skype interview.

Matty Goldberg and Double Sunday screen shot of Skype interview.

DS: Your book seemed less about you, and more about your friends.

MG: That’s true. Life is a weird bizarre game. People define who you are. I started writing in 2006, and I wrote 3 to 4 chapters, but when my friend died.

DS: You talked a lot about your friend and his death. How was it to write on someone’s behalf?

MG: I talked to his mother, and I asked her if it was ok. I sent her the chapters, and she gave me her blessing. And then we talked about him, his comedy, how he loved porno—and all of his interesting pictures..like when he was 27 playing the guitar naked. Weird shit like that about him, and we loved him. She gave me carte blanche. Nothing was censored.

DS: The book is written in a conversational tone. What that intentional?

MG: Yes, I don’t have the best vocabulary, so my editor helped me dig deeper. That helped keep it in my own voice. That’s what its like to do stand-up. And what’s it’s like going on in my head. Like, suddenly, you’re 20 years old and you might actually die. So, I wanted [my voice] to be vivid, like how I felt.

DS: Why is being funny important?

MG: IIt goes back to my awkward time in college when I didn’t know how to talk to people. And when I did stand up, I felt like, ‘WOW! I’m important.’. I gained self-confidence. I don’t even know what funny is. Funny is funny. It gave me self-confidence. The stage gave me poetic license to be myself. Confidence is beautiful.

DS: Have you always been a reader?

MG: In high school, I was not. In college, I was reading 3 to 4 books a month. And now I love the Kindle. My favorite writer is Philip Roth. Wonderful Jewish man. He’s brilliant. I’m low brow—but he understands the human psyche. And, he also understands the Jewish man.

DS: Do you think understanding the human psyche important for comedy?

MG: Absolutely. You go up there, and they read you in 5 sec. The audience thinks, ‘this guy is this or this that’. And you can either stand there to agree or not. So you go from there. You have to be in touch.

DS: Do you have any written work prior to “Brain Humor”?

MG: I wrote a few essays about cats during my surgery (here).


Matty has also appeared in Jessie Kahnweiler’s short film Meet My Rapist.

Matty Goldberg will be attending a book signing on March 26th 2014 at New York Comedy Club at 9pm. You can also purchase a copy of his new book Brain Humor from Amazon.com.

The NYTimes has an article about the most boring book about the Holocaust ever, Because you didn’t think THAT was possible!

There is no plot to speak of, and the characters are woefully undeveloped. On the upside, it can be a quick read — especially considering its 1,250 pages.

Okay, so that sounds like it may not be a total piece of shit? I mean…more pages than Harry Potter but also no plot or characters? Did a child write this book?

The book, more art than literature, consists of the single word “Jew,” in tiny type, printed six million times to signify the number of Jews killed during the Holocaust. It is meant as a kind of coffee-table monument of memory, a conversation starter and thought provoker.

Oh, so it’s not a book, it’s a ‘book'; it’s an art project that pretends to be a book. That could be cool, right?

“When you look at this at a distance, you can’t tell whether it’s upside down or right-side up, you can’t tell what’s here; it looks like a pattern,” said Phil Chernofsky, the author, though that term may be something of a stretch. “That’s how the Nazis viewed their victims: These are not individuals, these are not people, these are just a mass we have to exterminate. “Now get closer, put on your reading glasses, and pick a ‘Jew,’ ” Mr. Chernofsky continued. “That Jew could be you. Next to him is your brother. Oh, look, your uncles and aunts and cousins and your whole extended family. A row, a line, those are your classmates. Now you get lost in a kind of meditative state where you look at one word, ‘Jew,’ you look at one Jew, you focus on it and then your mind starts to go because who is he, where did he live, what did he want to do when he grew up?”

Nope. Just really really depressing. More depressing than having to read anything by Tolstoi.

Coffee table book conversation starter? More like coffee book table get really drunk starter.

May as well show Schindler’s List to a bunch of grade school children.