Archives For BullshitForAssholes

Rejoice Jewish Harry Potter fans! One of our own has been eating Bertie Botts while fighting alongside Dumbledore’s Army.


Let’s be real. Your kid owns a lot of stupid, shitty toys. These toys are sold to you (and them) by terrible companies that have zero qualms about advertising to children on their favorite TV shows. Advertising to kids is the worse thing you can do, unless you are a Hipster and have super good taste in everything. Otherwise you’re kid is gonna want to listen to One Direction and barf out with the latest Disney Princess collection.

Buy your child this hipster clothes paper doll set. It’s cheap, it’s JPEG, and you can always edit it how you see fit. It’s cheaper than the trash you’re buying them now, and it harkens back to the days when you’re parents didn’t love you and only bought you the cheapest of cheap toys.

Atleast there’s no small plastic pieces for the dog to choke on/poop out?


This may be the final death blow to all music everywhere. One day in the future we will say “Music, what was that? You mean the noises the iRobot Corporation makes for us so that we can pretend we live on Earth and not in our space colony?” That music.

Sure, not all of it was great. There was Nickelback. Some of it was secretly sonically delicious, like T-Swift. But atleast it was OUR music. Atleast there was heart and soul. Now, there’s only Sour Patch Kids. In a house. Tricking all of NYC into selling out.

Bands and touring musicians looking for sweet relief from their touring schedules may soon start dreaming about Sour Patch Kids.

A couple weeks ago, the Mondelez-owned candy brand opened up a house in Brooklyn where touring bands can recover from the rigors of the road. It’s called the Brooklyn Patch, and according to Mondelez marketing director Farrah Bezner, the Patch represents a long-term investment in indie music culture.

At what cost? Do you have to burn all your Pixies albums? Do you have to pledge allegiance to Generic Indie Band of the Month? Nothing in life is free, especially with shitty corporations funded by the terrible dentists. Tell me, Sour Patch ‘Kids’, WHAT ARE YOU GETTING IN RETURN?!?! Blow jobs?

Nevertheless, there is a quid pro quo associated with staying at the Patch. Artists who stay at the house are expected to create some content that Sour Patch Kids can share across a number of digital channels, which include a Brooklyn Patch-branded Tumblr as well as the brand’s Facebook, Twitter and Instagram accounts. Ms. Bezner said it is also exploring the possibility of adding further amplification partners.

Blow jobs.

“We’re a tastemaking agency,” said Alex Kirshbaum, Jesse Kirshbaum’s brother and a partner at NUE Agency. “They trust us.”

Look. Being a musician sucks. The pay is miniscule, if at all, and there’s a ton of hours on the road. But that’s why you have friends, or you meet other bands and crash at each other’s apartments. Don’t sleep at Sour Patch Manor. And definitely don’t trust people who call themselves a ‘tastemaking agency’. Those buzzwords have no place for people who are looking to create expressive, personal art.



This Land is Mine is a beautiful / terrifying depiction of the last 6000 years in the land of Canaan / Israel / Palestine. Millennia after Millennia of war and death over the small piece of land many have called their rightful home.

The list of participating parties:

Early Man
Hebrew Priest
Arab Caliph
Mamluk of Egypt
Ottoman Turk
European Jew/Zionist
State of Israel
Guerrilla/Freedom Fighter/Terrorist
The Angel of Death

What’s going on today in the life of Hipsters? Oh, just the usual. Someone making another listicle about hipsters.

What’s this listicle about? It’s about how your kid is turning into a hipster! LOL! Kids wearing sunglasses and watching obscure 90s cartoons.
Maybe your kid acts like a Hipster because you’ve made them into your own hipster-devil spawn? Maybe they watch VHS of Inspector Gadget because you’re a nostalgic monster who won’t let them enjoy Yo Gabba Gabba or Adventure Time?

Kids aren’t Hipsters. You’re a Hipster. Let your kid live and love whatever stupid Disney prince or princess they want.

Just remember, kids hate what their parents love when the kids are all grown up. So do them a favor and ironically love everything they love. I promise, it’ll pay off in the end.

It only took a few weeks, but Dov Charney is back with American Apparel. After a video surfaced of Dov walking in the nude around employees, American Apparel decided to ax Dov from his own company. After years of sticking up for Dov’s alleged pervy / abusive behavior, the board of directors had enough. At least enough to give Dov a short vacation from the company, only to hire him back as a creative consultant. Welcome back Dov!

And now for no reason at all, here is a video of Dov Charney (Rich Fulcher) and Terry Richardson (Moshe Kasher) looking for America’s Next Sick Fuck.


Our favorite American Apparel CEO, Dov Charney, was fired yesterday after the board decided his time was up. It is well documented that Dov tends to have some controversial moments. He’s been sued for choking (not sexually) and harassing (sexually) employees. Mashable and Hipster Jew has shared a few of these moments.

It’s not surprising anyone, including the CEO and founder of a company, to be fired after so many lawsuits. But I do have a few issues with this. Why is the board NOW letting Dov go after years of allegations? Most of the cases against Dov have been dismissed. On top of that, I haven’t seen any new allegations in a year. But according to Mashable, the board fired him because of “ongoing investigation into alleged misconduct.”

Maybe there is something we don’t know? Maybe a new case against Dov that’s damning? Maybe the board got confused and thought they were firing Terry Richardson? Either that or the board finally looked at the company’s stock after 6 years of it tanking. I’m not too sure. It seems like an odd time to let Dov go after giving him so many chances.

In 2012, after the death of Adam Yauch, illustrator Derek Langille decided to pay tribute to MCA by drawing a 7 page comic book based on the music video for Sabotage. Download the entire 7 page comic here!


Continue Reading…


Urban Outfitters was caught stealing a design from Society6 artist ‘spires’. This isn’t the first time Urban Outfitters has ripped off designers and it probably won’t be the last. The most frustrating part of this is the fact that this is a simple design. All UO had to do was change a few colors. But they ripped the entire thing. How hard is it to recreate something like this but a different color scheme? Not hard at all…


I would really like to give Urban Outfitters the benefit of the doubt though. The artist has stated on Reddit that he has sold work to Urban Outfitters in the past through Society6. But this time he hasn’t been paid. Maybe it was just a simple mistake. Oh, the good person in me really wants to believe it was just a simple mistake. But knowing Urban’s history, this was most likely stolen.

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// Spires

Bootleg Bart is my favorite thing on the internet. I honestly love each day I see a new crappy toy or over sexualized Simpsons t-shirt. It’s the best. That’s why I’m so happy to see that the bootleggers in Israel (or possibly elsewhere) are doing a good job staying relevant to the mid 20 – 40 year olds visiting the old city.

Next year may we be blessed with more Simpsons bootlegs.